Half way to anywhere
by immram
Summary: What if Becoming ended a little differently? What if Buffy and Spike had been friends ever since thier tentative truce? Would things have worked out differently? This is my attempt to find out! Will be spuffy eventually, please R & R COMPLETE
1. Prologue

Title: Half way to anywhere Disclaimer: I dot own anything however much I wish I did Summary: What if Buffy had come to her sense earlier about Spike? What if they had in fact secretly been 'friends' since their truce in Becoming? How different would things have turned out? I know it's been done before but this is my spin on it. Timeline: AU after Becoming part 2 A/N: The song in this fic is Anywhere by Evanescence. Also sorry about my spelling, its totally crap! Feedback: it would be very much appreciated, everyone needs fuel for their ego now and then  
  
Prologue  
  
Sunnydale – 2003  
  
"Buffy?" Willow called as she wandered down the stairs of the summers home where she had lived for the last two years. "Buffy are you here?"  
  
*That's odd* thought Willow, she was sure she'd heard Buffy come in the night before. If she wasn't here why would the CD player still be running? Buffy was always saying money was too tight to leave appliances running unnecessarily. With a puzzled frown firmly in place Willow headed into the lounge just as the song coming gently out of the speakers began to repeat. Willow turned the volume up so she could make out the words. This didn't sound like the kind of thing Buffy normally listened to...  
  
//Dear my love, haven't you wanted to be with me Dear my love, haven't you longed to be free I can't keep pretending that I don't even know you And at sweet night you are my home Take my hand//  
  
//We're leaving here tonight There's no need to tell any one They'd only hold us down So by the mornings light We'll be half way to anywhere Where love is more than just your name//  
  
As the song continued to play its semi-mournful tune, Willow felt warm tears spill down her cheeks. *Oh Goddess No!* she thought as the words seeped into her mind.  
  
//I have dreamt of a place for you and I No one knows who we are there All I want is to give my life only to you I've dreamt so long I cannot dream anymore Let's run away I'll take you there//  
  
//We'll leave here tonight There's no need to tell any one They'd only hold us down So by the mornings light We'll be half way to anywhere Where no one needs a reason//  
  
Willow knew she needn't mumble the few Latin words under her breath as she was doing. She knew there was no one around to hear, just like she knew without doing the spell exactly what had happened a few hours ago. Yet she couldn't take her eyes off the ghostly figures that now wandered hurriedly around the room in front of her now, mere replays of actions which had already taken place. Watching the scene draw to a close Willow let out a chocking sob and sank to the floor as the last words tumbled from the speakers.  
  
//Forget this life, Come with me Don't look back you're safe now Unlock your heart, Drop your guard No ones left to stop you//  
  
//Forget this life, Come with me Don't look back you're safe now Unlock your heart, Drop your guard No ones left to stop you now//  
  
Numbly, Willow reached out for the phone lying next to the nearest speaker. Placed there as if her need for it had been anticipated, which it probably had been. Willow didn't contemplate the thought too deeply however, there were more important things to do. She had to call Xander and Giles. They had to be told.  
  
//We're leaving here tonight There's no need to tell any one They'd only hold us down So by the mornings light We'll be half way to anywhere Where love is more than just your name//  
  
Buffy was gone, and she wasn't coming back.  
  
A/N: and there's the prologue for you, I swear it gets better. Soon...ish. Promise! All will be revealed! 


	2. It wasn't meant to be this way!

Disclamer: None of the characters are mine unfortunately – much as I wish they were! A/N: sorry if some of the dates are wrong – I'm sure you'll figure out what I'm talking about! And I'm sorry if I'm slaughtering someone's favourite scene but I kinda hafta – it feeds the plot you see. Honest - there's method to my madness....most of the time!  
  
Chapter 1: It wasn't meant to be this way!  
  
Sunnydale – 1998  
  
"You don't really believe you can take us all do you?" Angelus sneered at the petit slayer in front of him. She must be dumber than he thought if that was the case.  
  
"I really don't!" She replied, confidence filling her voice.  
  
Angelus was a little thrown off by the cruel smirk curling her lips, strangely reminiscent of...  
  
"Hurts doesn't it?" Spike commented coolly, no emotion in his voice as he beat his grandsire repeatedly with the crow bar. Intent on his work, he barely felt Dru's fists as she hit his back, desperate to help her daddy.  
  
Buffy half smiled, shaking her head as she watched the three vampires. It took her a second to remember she was there for a reason, alerted by Xander's yell for help as he tried to fight off a vamp standing between him and Giles. Forgetting about the three Masters in the room, Buffy ran to the aid of her friend. Efficiently taking out all other threats in the room while Xander helped the badly injured Giles to safety.  
  
Eventually Spike became aware of the fact Dru was still in the room when she tired of hitting him, tackling him instead, sending him flying across the floor. Scrambling back to his feet, Spike kept his eyes on the mad vampire as she circled him.  
  
"It doesn't have to be like this Dru!" He tried to reason with her.  
  
"Naughty Spike!" She scolded, as if speaking to a particularly dim child. "Bad boys don't get to play games after super!"  
  
Spike shook his head, wondering not for the first time, how he'd ever been able to see logic in what she said.  
  
"I'm Sorry baby." He said simply, earnestly, just before hitting her with a hard right cross which landed square on her jaw, knocking her back several steps. Recovering from the blow, Drusilla turned wet eyes back towards the childe who adored her.  
  
"It's too late now Spike, I can already see the pretty colours. I'll save some for you."  
  
Spike barely had time to try and make sense of what she said before she ran at him, screaming like a banshee, scratching at him with her nails. So preoccupied was he with trying to avoid getting his throat cut that Spike didn't notice Angelus rise groggily and head towards Acathla. Buffy decapitated the last vampire, turning back to help Spike, just in time to see Angelus pull the sword from Acathla's chest accompanied by a blinding flash of light. Angelus spun to face her, sword in hand, grinning from ear to ear.  
  
"Too late Buff!" he taunted "You're going to Hell!"  
  
"Save me a seat" She replied before rushing at him with her own sword. They fought furiously, matching each other blow for blow. As Buffy gained the upper hand, she noticed the portal beginning to open. *I am too late* she thought, tears unexpectedly stinging her eyes. Noticing her distraction Angelus took advantage and quickly swept her legs from under her...  
  
Drusilla also noticed the opening of the portal. She suddenly stopped attacking Spike and walked towards it, as if she were a moth drawn to the flame. She easily brushed off Spike's attempts to hold her back...  
  
Just before Angelus could deliver the killing blow to the slayer sprawled dazedly on the floor, he was suddenly hit by a very familiar wave of pain. *Oh God no, not again* we're Angelus's last coherent thoughts as his soul was slammed back into his body, causing him to fall to his knees in front of the now rapidly expanding portal.  
  
Regaining her feet, Buffy looked at the vampire who only seconds ago had been trying to kill her, confusion written all over her face....then she looked into his eyes and she understood with perfect clarity what had happened. She wasn't looking at Angelus anymore; this was Angel, her love.  
  
"Angel." She whispered, smiling, tears falling freely from her eyes.  
  
"Buffy?" He asked uncertainly, not at all clear about what the hell was going on.  
  
Buffy began to sob. Her Angel was back, everything was going to be ok now...  
  
"NOOOOOO!!"  
  
Buffy's movement towards Angel and all her happy thoughts were cut short at the agonised wail of Drusilla, whom neither had noticed getting closer, Spike someway behind her struggling to get to his feet – Dru was a lot stronger than she looked. Before anyone else had time to move Dru dived at Angel, his confusion, and the beating Angelus had taken from Buffy making him weak. She collided with him with such force as to send them both rolling back into the portal.  
  
Buffy leapt forward to try and stopped them as soon as she regained her senses, her hand reaching towards the portal to try and pull Angel back through. Before she could reach him however, she felt her wrist held in an iron grip. She turned her head angrily to see Spike, who it appeared was barely suppressing tears.  
  
"You touch that thing and you'll be sucked in too!" He told her, his voice wavering. "We've lost them Slayer." Spike let out a choked sob "Oh God...what have I done." He fell to his knees, releasing her wrist.  
  
Buffy turned back to the portal, determined to jump in after Angel. They'd be able to find a way back, and if they didn't...well she was the slayer, she'd be able to protect them. He had his soul, and he shouldn't be in hell! Angelus should be the one in hell, not Angel! But before she could make the leap into God knows where, the portal suddenly blinked out of existence and she was left staring blindly at the now dormant Acathla. Behind her she could hear Spike's sobs, and right now, breaking down didn't seem like such a bad idea. She could just curl up into a ball and cry until the world saw fit to end her torment and let her die...but she knew that she wouldn't do that. She was the Slayer; she would not give into that despair....well not yet anyway.  
  
Spike didn't struggle when Buffy pulled him to his feet, but he didn't help either. He felt himself being dragged somewhere but didn't care enough to ask where, and when he felt Buffy searching his pockets for the keys to his prized De Soto he didn't even protest at the thought of someone else driving his baby. He just let himself be led.  
  
A few hours later, Spike was aware enough to know that the skyline he was seeing was LA. He bloody well hated LA...not that he really liked anything anymore. What did it matter if Dru wasn't there with him?  
  
A/N: I know not a lots happening right now but I do have a plan – and there will be spuffyness – never doubt the spuffyness! 


	3. Life and death in LA

Disclaimer: The usual – not mine, wish they were blah blah blah  
  
A/N: Thanks for reviews – they make me all warm and fuzzy! Just to remind people the story is kind of AU from this point on so please don't yell at me for messing up the time line – though I'll do my best not to. Thanks again for reading – it really does give me a happy!  
  
Chapter 2 – Life and death in LA  
  
"Spike please!" Buffy exclaimed, her aching muscles screaming at her that she hadn't had a rest since before...since before that thing she wasn't thinking about any more. "Spike I can't carry you all the way. You're gonna have to help me a little here!"  
  
The reason why Buffy had actually taken Spike with her when she fled Sunnyhell still eluded her. Maybe she couldn't stand to leave him alone in his grief, so much like her own. Maybe she knew that he'd have just lain there till the sun came and ended his pain, and vampire though he was, she couldn't bear to see a one time ally meet such an unfitting end. Maybe she just didn't want to be alone, and even a mortal enemy.... were they even still mortal enemies?... would be better than being alone. Well whatever the reason, here they were in some crummy, run down excuse of a motel on the outskirts of LA and Spike was just being his usual pain in the ass self. At least he wasn't doing it on purpose this time!  
  
Somewhere, deep in the back of his grief addled brain, Spike was able to make sense of the slayer's words. He knew she was trying to get him inside before the imminent sunrise, and that he was just making her task harder by being unresponsive. It must have been that same part of his brain that made his legs move under their own steam since the rest of his mind was still occupied with one very simple train of thought: *Dru gone, Dru in hell, my fault, no more Dru, Dru gone, Dru in hell, my fault, no more Dru, Dru gone...* Granted it wasn't the most useful of thoughts, but it was all he had at that moment.  
  
Buffy had been surprised when she'd found the large roll of bills in Spike's duster when she'd been looking for his car keys. What would a vampire need money for? Didn't they just steal whatever they wanted? Whatever the reason she was grateful it was there – it had paid for this crummy room they were holed up in, probably for the foreseeable future – it wasn't exactly five star accommodations. Now she stood under the shower, waiting for the hot water to easer her various aches and pains. Of course it helped with her physical pains, but there was an ache in her heart that nothing was going to fix.  
  
*Angel's gone* and with that one simple thought, she gave in to the tears that had threatened to take her since she saw her lover fall into hell.  
  
Distantly, Spike could hear the slayers cries. Part of him wondered if he should go to her, talk to her, try and make it better somehow. Another part of him wanted to go and taunt her, tell he she should cry, tell her it was all her fault. Another part of him understood her pain and knew that nothing he did could possibly make it better, probably couldn't make it any worse either! Another part wondered why he should even care in the first place!  
  
"The shower's free if you want it!" Buffy called as she left the bathroom. Spike however, wasn't in the chair where she had left him. In fact, he wasn't even in the room anymore. Suddenly panic filled her. What if he'd gone out in the sun, what if he'd just upped and left her – she'd be all alone. Before she could collapse into a quivering heap however, the vampire in question came back into the room holding a large brown bag – 'Art's liquor' printed on the side.  
  
"Where did you go?" She asked, trying and failing to keep the relief at seeing him out of her voice.  
  
Spike looked at her as if she were insane and held up the bag. "Needed to get supplies." he explained before sitting heavily on the end of the only bed, pulling the first of many bottles of whiskey out of the bag.  
  
"Did you pay for those?" Buffy asked nervously, truly hoping that she wouldn't have another death on her conscience.  
  
"Do I look like I'm in the mood to kill anyone right now slayer?" Spike replied without even looking up. Opening the bottle he drank nearly half it's contents in one gulp.  
  
Buffy breathed a sigh of relief. She knew he'd eventually feel like killing again, but she'd deal with it when it came up. Right now she was too tired to think about it. Sitting down next to him, she began to look through the bag. She looked up at him incredulously.  
  
"Didn't you buy anything that wasn't alcohol?"  
  
Spike simply shrugged, taking another gulp to finish his bottle before answering. "Don't know 'bout you slayer, but getting pissed seems like a damn fine idea right about now!" He then reached into the bag and pulled out one of those fizzy alcopops. "Here slayer – figured you'd need to start off slow!"  
  
Buffy shook her head but accepted the drink anyway. The shower hadn't worked. Maybe Spike's inebriation plan might help to dull the pain...  
  
Several hours and many empty bottles later, Buffy thought Spikes plan had been the best idea in the world! She was sure she'd think differently in the morning, but that was then, this was now...and now she wanted another drink!  
  
"Oi! Gimme that!" she shouted, snatching the last bottle of rum from Spike just before he could drain it.  
  
"That smine shlayer!" he told her, trying to grab it back but failing miserably. Eventually he gave up and looked in the bag for a new bottle. "Greedy bint! You drunks it all! Snone left!" he yelled upon finding the bag empty.  
  
Buffy stuck her tongue out at him. "Nayh nayh!" She taunted before finishing the rum, deftly avoiding one last ditch attempt from spike to grab it back. "Guess s'time for beddy byes then!" She stood up uncertainly from her spot on the floor and lurched towards the bed.  
  
"Where am I s'pposed to shleep then shlayer?" Asked Spike, reaching out a hand to steady her as she stumbled.  
  
"You're a vampire stupid!" She replied giggling sleepily as she hugged the threadbare sheets around her tiny form.  
  
"Yeah I know but where do I shleep?" he asked again, sure he was missing a point of some kind.  
  
"I get bed at night!" She explained as if speaking to a very stupid five year old rather than a 120 year old master vampire. "You do vampy things at night and you have the bed during the day!" She yawned before continuing, sleep rapidly taking its hold. "We'll take it in turns."  
  
Spike suddenly felt very sober. "How long you plannin' on hangin round with me then shlayer?" he asked. All he received as an answer were the quiet snores of a slayer shaped lump on the bed. He sighed sadly and shook his head. "S'alright pet. Don' really feel like bein' alone either!"  
  
A/N: And there's another chapter. Please R&R because the happy it gives me inspires me to write more quickly! Honest. 


	4. Can't run from destiny

Disclaimer – not mine blah blah blah...but if you're offering I won't say no!  
  
A/N: Thanks for reading – it's much appreciated! Thank you Shero, Tobert and lilmamaday for the reviews – I'm grinning from ear to ear! This part of the story takes place about three months after the end of the last chapter. I know it's kind of a cop out to skip those months but I wanted to progress the story – don't worry; I don't think you missed much!  
  
Chapter 3 – Can't run from destiny  
  
"Slayer will you get your bony ass in here already!" Spike called, strolling happily through the new apartment, peeping around doorways occasionally, wondering which room the slayer would want so he could lay dibs on it first.  
  
"My ass is not bony!" he heard her yell from somewhere behind him and he chuckled softly. She was sooo easy to wind up, and he did it as often as he could of course! "And I'd move a lot faster if SOMEONE hadn't left me to carry all the bags!!" she added after a few moments, followed by a loud 'bump', signalling the dropping of said bags.  
  
Spike poked his head from around the doorframe of the room he was currently perusing to see a red faced slayer glaring at him. "I'm evil pet." He reminded her for probably the millionth time.  
  
"Stupid vampire." She grumbled good naturedly "It's not fair to use logic!"  
  
Spike smiled as he approached her, picking up several of the bags and carrying them into the main living room, which also happened to be the only room with any furniture. Buffy followed him, looking around for the first time. When Spike had told her he'd found them somewhere to live she'd been only too happy to leave the rat infested hell hole that was the motel they'd stayed in since their arrival in LA. It never even occurred to her that it was slightly odd that her one time mortal enemy had actually looked for a place for both of them, and it didn't seem the least bit strange that she was so willing to continue to live with him. It just seemed natural.  
  
Buffy had no idea when she had actually started to consider Spike to be a friend. She'd long since decided that their initial arrangement after leaving Sunnydale and all its unpleasant memories behind had come about through a mutual desire not to be alone in their grief. But over time something had changed. Rather than tolerating his presence, she'd actually begun to enjoy his company. Sure he could still be an obnoxious creep when the mood took him, but it happened less and less these days. Instead of coming back to the hotel from her thankless job at a diner in one of the less reputable parts of the city to find a drunken vampire asleep in the room that he'd have trashed in a fit of rage, she would find a thoughtful friend who had a steaming starbucks cappuccino and warm foot bath (she deliberately chose not to ask where he had gotten it from), ready to listen to her tales of customers from hell! She shook her head, smiling wistfully – life was pretty strange sometimes.  
  
Spike watched her from his position sprawled on the couch, a bemused expression on his face. If someone had told him six months ago that he would flatmates with the slayer he'd have laughed at them then snapped their necks for lying to him! As it was, that was probably how long it had been since he had actually killed anyone! Before...the unfortunate incident, he'd been stuck in the chair, relying on Dru to bring him his food. Now...well now he just didn't feel like it. He blamed it on his apathy towards unlife since he had lost the other half of himself, but he did wonder – only when he was drunk of course – if he didn't do it because he knew it would upset his unexpected new friend. Because there was no denying it – no matter what the circumstances were surrounding this new turn in their relationship, they had somehow become friends. Although she didn't actively slay anymore, he knew she couldn't just let him go out and kill the odd stranger here and there. So bagged blood it was...not that he wouldn't kill if the opportunity arose...just...not unnecessarily.  
  
"You workin' tonight goldilocks?" he called out to Buffy as she explored the two bedrooms.  
  
"Yeah!" he heard her reply before she came back into the room and picked up her bags. Spike got up to follow her, absently noting that she'd picked the room he liked – the one with the large bay windows and a view over the city...well he'd complain about it later. The other room wasn't bad; the view just wasn't as good!  
  
"Want me to meet you afterwards so we can go pick up some furniture for this place? You know you'll only complain if I pick everythin' without you!" he added almost as an after thought "Bossy little chit."  
  
All Buffy did was turn around and grin at him. She knew it was just a token insult; hell she even called him fang breath from time to time. "Sure! I finish at ten."  
  
Spike nodded and turned to leave, but he tapped something with his foot. Bending down, he picked up Mr Gordo, Buffy's stuffed pig. He studded it, taking in the various scents that adorned its plush coat – Buffy, Joyce, ink, xander, orange juice, Willow, fabric softener...Angel? The other scents could be easily explained, but why would the grandpoof have his scent all over it as well?  
  
"You dropped this." He said, handing her the pig, not giving it anymore thought – its up to her who she lets handle her pig!  
  
As Buffy took Mr Gordo from him he saw her eyes begin to mist and could only guess at what she was thinking.  
  
* "Here baby," said a much younger looking Joyce "I got you a new friend!" she told the five year old Buffy before handing over a less worn looking pig*  
  
*"Hey I used to have a pig like that when I was a kid!" said Xander, taking Mr Gordo off the shelf*  
  
*"You came for some quality time with Mr Gordo?" Buffy asked the man in front of her.  
  
"Huh?" Angel replied, not thinking about the plush toy in his hands.  
  
"The pig." She told him, smiling as he hurried to put it back, embarrassed.*  
  
"I'm gonna go have a shower and get ready for work." Buffy mumbled to Spike, hoping to get past him before the first tears fell.  
  
Spike watched her leave. He knew she was going to cry about the things she had lost and left behind. He knew she avoided crying in front of him. She didn't want to remind him of why she was crying, of why he used to cry. She didn't want to send him into one of his violent rages he used to be so fond of when all he could feel was anger and grief.  
  
"Bugger." He said softly, shaking his head. He'd buy her some chocolate later. She liked chocolate, maybe it would help...  
  
"Stupid late vampire!" Buffy muttered as she paced the walk in front of the diner where she worked a few days later. "Never on time!" She glanced at her watch once more. Ten thirty. *To hell with this* she thought, and began to walk towards the bus stop.  
  
"Anne...Anne...Buffy?"  
  
Buffy whipped around at the sound of her name. She found herself facing a girl she had served a few days earlier...Lilly was it?  
  
"You are Buffy right?" the girl asked nervously. "From Sunnydale?"  
  
Buffy shuddered at the memories invoked by such a simple phrase but nodded silently.  
  
"Oh good!" Lilly breathed a sigh of relief "You have to help me!"  
  
"I do?" Buffy asked, confused. She looked around, wishing Spike would hurry up.  
  
"It's Ricky. He's missing, I can't find him anywhere!" Lilly replied franticly  
  
"Ricky?" Buffy asked, completely lost  
  
"That guy I was with. Please you have to help me...you know about stuff!" Lilly pleaded.  
  
Buffy sighed. She knew this wasn't going to go away. She suspected that Ricky might have just gotten bored and gone off on his own. What harm would it do to just check a couple of places with this girl since Spike seemed to be a no show?  
  
"Fine!" She said eventually, exasperated. "Where do you guys normally hang?"  
  
Bugger, bugger, bugger, Spike thought as he ran towards the diner. Buffy was going to kill him for sure this time. He hadn't meant to be late, but what does the girl expect if they show Monty python re-runs on cable. Hopefully the huge bar of Belgian chocolate he carried in his duster pocket would sweeten he up a little – no pun intended. When he reached the diner however, she was nowhere in sight. He glanced at his watch – ten forty- five. He'd been later than this before and Buffy normally waited. She gave him hell afterwards, but she waited. Spike didn't want to consider why he suddenly became very nervous. She was the slayer; she could take care of herself...right?  
  
What if she'd picked up some guy and had gone back to his place? (He was studiously NOT thinking about why such an idea made him nauseous) She'd be pretty pissed if he followed her and barged in on a make-out session. But that didn't seem like Buffy at all. She'd at least call and tell him not to bother meeting her! Right! It was decided then. He'd pick up her scent, follow it, and if she were with some guy he'd just leave her to it and grill her about it when she got home! There settled!  
  
Spike breathed in deeply, carefully singling out that unique scent that was Buffy. Yep she'd been here recently – and she wasn't alone. There was another scent in the air that was faintly familiar. He couldn't place it just yet, but he was sure it would come to him. At least it didn't seem threatening. After about half an hour of walking, Buffy's scent led him to a rather run down looking building, a sign that read 'Family Home' hung over the door. 'Family Home', why did that sound familiar?  
  
Realisation suddenly filled Spikes consciousness. He'd heard about this place when he'd been playing poker with a couple of the local demons. It was a demon run workshop! They'd lure in unsuspecting runaways and work them in a hell dimension until they were past retirement age then spat them back out into this world where barely a day had passed. He remembered thinking it was quite cleaver when he'd heard about it. But surely Buffy wouldn't fall for a scam like that; she wasn't a run away...well not a homeless one anyway! But there was no doubt about it, the nose knows! Sighing, hoping he hadn't lost too much time, Spike went quickly into the building to find it surprisingly empty.  
  
When he saw the pool of what looked like murky water, he knew he had stumbled onto something. He'd seen the 'disguise a portal as a paddling pool' trick before. He almost sighed again before deciding that he sighed way to much as it was and jumped into the pool, not surprised when he went straight through and landed on his feet somewhere he just knew wasn't the basement.  
  
Further ahead he heard various cries and moans, the occasional scream. Thinking it was as good a place to start as any he headed in that direction. He couldn't keep the smile form his lips when he heard a very familiar voice.  
  
"I'm Buffy, the vampire slayer! And you are?"  
  
His smile broke into an outright grin when the voice was quickly followed by the unmistakeable sound of a battle not too far ahead. Soon Spike saw people of various ages running from the fray, presumably towards the exit. That was when he spotted a very tired looking slayer holding up a gate, allowing the captured runaways to escape. He let out a low chuckle.  
  
"Chaos, panic, disorder. Your work pet?" he called.  
  
Buffy looked up, surprised yet pleased to see him. "Just shut up and help me hold this thing will you?" Spike shrugged and did as he was told.  
  
When the last prisoner was free, Buffy and Spike went to leave themselves, followed by Lilly who seemed very nervous, hiding behind Buffy whenever he glanced in her direction.  
  
"Is there something wrong?" Spike asked, more out of curiosity than actual caring. Buffy looked between the two, understanding hit her when she saw Lilly's hand reach up to her neck.  
  
"Ohhh!" Buffy cried. "Remember ford? The one who sold me out to you? Well Lilly here was in his cult – you bit her before I came in and kicked your ass!"  
  
"I did?" Spike asked, at Buffy's nod he turned to Lilly – so that's why that other scent had been familiar. "Sorry 'bout that ducks!"  
  
Lilly mumbled something about it not being a problem before they were distracted by the moans of one of their demon captors.  
  
"You bitch!" The demon formally known as Ken spat. "You ruined everything!"  
  
Spike smiled. "Hey Slayer, why don't you show him your Ghandi impression?"  
  
Buffy grinned at spike and picked up a discarded club that she quickly used to smash Ken's head into mush.  
  
"Ghandi?" Lilly asked, mildly horrified by what she had just seen.  
  
Buffy shrugged as they continued towards the exit. "Well y'know...if he was really pissed off!"  
  
"Got everything Slayer?" Spike asked, appearing in the doorway to Buffy's room a few hours later.  
  
"Yeah, I think that's it." She replied quietly, turning face him.  
  
"You sure you don't want me to drive you to the bus station?" He asked for the twentieth time. Buffy smiled. She knew he was just trying to delay this.  
  
"It's ok. It's best if I go on my own. But thanks."  
  
"No worries." He replied, turning to leave. It was just too painful to watch his friend, his best friend if truth be told, packing up to leave him behind. Sure he'd been the one to tell her it was ok to return to Sunnydale, that it was the right thing to do, to not worry about him being on his own...but that didn't mean he had to watch. He was stilled by Buffy's hand on his arm.  
  
"I mean it Spike." She said softly "Thank you for everything. I wouldn't have made it through these three months without you!"  
  
Spike shrugged and looked at the floor, uncomfortable with the level of emotion in the room. "Same here pet." He mumbled. If she had been anyone other than the slayer, she would have missed his quiet admission.  
  
As Buffy hugged her friend goodbye, she vowed not to let him disappear from her life forever. No matter if he couldn't be part of her life back in Sunnydale, she knew he would always hold a special place in her heart...  
  
Several hours later as Buffy hugged her mother for the first time in months, Spike was trying to sleep. He tried to tell himself that he was sleeping in the room that had been Buffy's because he liked the view better, because he would have taken that room if she hadn't claimed it first. It wasn't because it still smelled like her, it wasn't because he felt comforted by the lingering after effects of her presence...and it definitely wasn't because he missed her!  
  
A/N: I know that chapter was a lot longer than the others but I was in the zone you know? I know I skipped a load of the stuff that happened in the episode Anne...well nearly all of it actually, but I thought the spike/Buffy interaction was more important – come on you've seen the episode – you know what happens! Thanks again fro reading, I love you all! More soon – promise! 


	5. Letters and dreams

Disclaimer: The usual – don't own anything blah blah blah  
  
A/N: Thanks for the reviews – I feel special! This part of the story takes sometime during the events of faith, hope and trick – Faith has arrived but angel hasn't returned yet. Buffy is back in Sunnydale and Spike is still in LA.  
  
Chapter 4: Letters and dreams  
  
//Hey Spike!  
  
I know it's been a while but you would not believe how hectic it has been around here! I mean seriously insane! Just last week I had to fight off a horde of zombies who were raised by this mask thing my mom had at her gallery. It was so gross! I had to shove a shovel through this zombie Gods eyes to kill it...come to think of it you'd probably have enjoyed yourself!  
  
My mom's doing okay now. I think she's slowly coming to terms with the whole slayer gig. I mean she doesn't like it but at least she's accepted that it's who I am, not something I have a choice in. I'll do my best to get that cocoa recipe I was telling you about, but if I start asking cooking questions she's going to get majorly suspicious. I suppose I could always tell her it's for a friend, but then she'd ask loads of questions about said friend and if I told her said friend was actually a vampire she'd hit over the head with an axe, I think 'freaking out' would be a mild estimation of her reaction.  
  
On the subject of friends things are getting back to normal with the gang! I can't believe Xander and Cordy are still going strong. They fight and bicker a lot but that's just them you know? It's kind of like us really, fighting but in a good way! Now I know you are rolling your eyes at being compared to Xander, but it's a compliment – honest! Then there's Willow and Oz. To think that this time last year Will was mooning over Xander...I don't think I've ever seen a cuter couple than those two...  
  
I know this makes me sound like a total bitch but sometimes I just get so jealous of them all. They're my friends and I love them, but they all have each other, they're all in happy relationships and then there's just me. Alone. I know, I know! I'm just a teenager and I needn't worry about settling down just yet – I've heard the line a thousand times from my mom! But I'm the slayer Spike – I don't have as long as everyone else does...  
  
Ok I'll stop with the moping! It's just not as easy without my live in chocolate provider – here I have to buy my own, and I can't afford the expensive stuff like you!  
  
I've started training with Giles again. Apparently my skills didn't slip too much over the summer – I suppose I have your pain in the ass self to thank for that. If you hadn't provoked me as often as you did I don't think I'd have had half as many fights! I think I miss it. Giles is a great watcher...but he's not exactly up to your standards in a fight, it's not much of a challenge to beat on him! That sounds so mean - sulking because my watcher doesn't put up much of a fight! But you know what I mean don't you? What good's a fight unless you have to try your best?  
  
They've been asking me a lot of questions about...what happened. I haven't told them everything. They don't now about the soul, they don't know that you helped me. I would have expected Xander to figure it out since he was there at the time but he didn't have a clue – I don't think they'd believe me even if I did tell them now anyway. They were all like 'Did Spike get away? Do you think he'll come back?' Besides, I know you well enough to be pretty sure that you don't want you Big Bad reputation to be sullied!  
  
Oh, I can't believe I almost forgot to tell you! There's a new slayer in town – Faith! She's.... well I don't really know what to say about her. Everyone seems to like her, mom, the scoobies...She's into the whole violence and sex thing...she's kind'a like the female version of you really!  
  
A guy asked me out at school today – I got back in by the way (I think Ripper made an appearance with Snyder). Well he's asked me out a couple of times but I only just said yes. I got freaked out when he gave me a ring like...like the one I got for my birthday, but he was so sweet about it. We're going out at the weekend. I'm nervous and excited at the same time. I wish you were here to tell me I looked pretty in whatever outfit I chose. I know you only said that stuff to get me to shut up so you could follow Passions properly, but it helps a girls self esteem to hear that from a guy! Xander wouldn't be happy unless I was wearing overalls and had greasy hair – He wants me to be the man repeler!  
  
I guess I better get going if I want to post this on the way to school. I hope you're doing ok out there on your own. You really should get a phone so I could call you or something! Well you know my number if you want to call me!  
  
Don't be a stranger  
  
Buffy xx//  
  
Buffy finished the letter, signing off with a smiley face as always and carefully sealed it in the envelope. She looked at the name and address she had written on it earlier and smiled - William Summers. She laughed every time she saw that name. When Spike had gone to sign the lease for their apartment he hadn't been able to remember his own last name and had signed hers instead! She'd teased him mercilessly of course – she was forever calling him Mr Summers!  
  
With a wistful sigh she put the letter in her backpack and headed off for school, hoping to hear a response from her secret friend soon...  
  
Spike tossed and turned in his sleep. This was normal for him in the weeks since Buffy had left. It had been like this for the first month or so after Sunnydale, but eventually the dreams had begun to calm down. Now however, they were back with a vengeance. He couldn't remember the last time he had had a decent days sleep. Granted his hyperactive nature had always stopped him from sleeping for more than a few hours at a time, but now when he tried to sleep he would be woken by nightmares after no more than half an hour.  
  
It was always the same few dreams. They seemed to have gotten together and formed a schedule to try and drive him out of his mind.  
  
The first dream would always start at the mansion. He would be fighting with Dru. But instead of her jumping into hell, he would be the one who pushed her. He would be able to see her wailing on the other side of the portal, reaching out to him. Asking why he refused to help her, why he had condemned her so.  
  
In the next dream he would find himself alone in a pitch-black room. So dark that even his keen vampiric eyes wouldn't be able to pick anything out of the gloom. All he would be able to hear were the accusing screams of his lost love, tearing into him for failing her.  
  
His third dream would be similar to the second. But instead of Dru's accusations, all he would hear would be the heat-wrenching sobs of the slayer.  
  
His final, and perhaps most disturbing dream, would see him on a beach, watching Dru and Angelus walking off into the moonlight, leaving him behind, despite his cries to get their attention. He would always turn around to find himself on the same beach, but during the day. He would watch as Buffy walked away from him, wrapped in the arms of a man whose face he could not see. No one would answer his screams, his pleas not to be left alone again.  
  
Whenever he awoke from one of these dreams, usually screaming, his first instinct would be to run to Buffy and have her tell him that it was only a dream, that it was over now...like she had done so many times in the past. Like he had done for her so many times in return. But slowly reality would draw closer, and he would remember that the slayer wasn't there anymore, that he had been asleep in the room that barely hung to the remnants of her comforting scent...because she was gone...and he was alone.  
  
Lying back on the pillows, trying to still the unnecessary breaths he was taking, he wondered, now that he had no one to chase away his nightmares anymore, who did Buffy run to when she was alone in the dark?  
  
A/N: Just a little interlude to see how the friends are coping without each other. What do you think? AS always I love you all for reading and reviews make me happy! More ASAP! 


	6. Pondering about angels

Disclaimer – do I really have to repeat myself again – I own nothing, I never will! No matter how much I beg!  
  
A/N: Once again I must say I love you all, especially the people who have taken the time to review – you brighten my day and feed my muse – she's such a sickly little thing and needs all the food she can get! This Part takes place sometime after angel has returned. It's before lovers walk but after revelations – in terms of timing anyway! Well enough chitchat – on with the story!  
  
Oooh! Before I forget, the song in this chapter is Angel by Ghost of the robot – it's for the lyrics I swear!!!  
  
Chapter 5: Pondering about angels  
  
1471.  
  
1472.  
  
1473.  
  
Buffy stared at the ceiling above her bed, twirling a stake in her hands, trying to stave off the 1474th temptation to pick up the phone or to reach for the special black paper and silver pen she used to write to Spike.  
  
*He deserves to know!* Commented the logical part of her brain that she had affectionately named Giles. *And if you don't tell him he'll find out somehow! You know he will!*  
  
*Well if he finds out on his own I wont have to tell him!* replied the 'Xander' section of her brain, eager to avoid the inevitable fall out that would follow the revelation.  
  
*But don't you think it'll hurt him if he finds out that you knew and didn't tell him?* The considerate 'Willow' lobe pointed out.  
  
Buffy grabbed a pillow, covered her face and screamed. How the hell had this happened? She had found out that Angel had miraculously returned from whatever hell dimension he had been sent to nearly a month ago – and she hadn't spoken to Spike since. She was desperate to talk to one of her best friends about this sudden turn of events, to confide in Spike, to tell him how she felt about all of this, like she had done so many times over the summer! He always helped her make sense of what was going on in her head – he'd had over a century of trying make sense of a mad woman's ramblings after all! And his own thought processes weren't exactly always logical. He was forever going off on some weird tangent...kinda like she was doing right now! Unfortunately, she had a feeling that this was the one thing she couldn't talk to Spike about.  
  
How could she explain to the man who had been torn apart by the loss of his love that hers had returned...yet Drusilla was still gone? It would destroy him all over again!  
  
She knew she would have to speak to him again soon...but not before she had worked out exactly what to say to him.  
  
"Oh hey Spike," She said out loud – testing out ideas. "Oh I'm fine, I miss you too! Oh by the way the love of my life is back fresh from hell! What? Dru? No. No sign of her but let me rub my happiness in your face!" She snorted "Yeah that'll work!"  
  
She knew it was unfair to just disappear without a word. She'd gotten a letter from him just this morning asking if everything was ok, wondering why he hadn't heard from her in so long – well other than a couple of voice mails left on his cell phone when she knew he would be sleeping. She could handle talking to a machine, but she knew she would crumble the second she heard his voice and spill the whole sorry story. What would it do to him to hear that kind of thing over the phone or to read it in a letter when there would be no one there to comfort him? She had considered going up to LA to talk to him face to face, but that would be hard to do – her mom and the scoobies were still reluctant to let her go too far on her own due to residual fear of her running off again...well that and her covering up about Angel's reappearance in the first place! She couldn't see it going down too well with either party if she took one or more of the scoobies to go see William the bloody – he had tried to kill them all a few times after all!  
  
Buffy suppressed another scream. Life had been so much simpler when it was Slayer + stake + vampire = vampire dust! Why had soulful vampire lovers and former mortal enemy turned unwilling ally turned best friend been added to what had once been a very uncomplicated equation? She hated math!  
  
"Just bloody well get it over with!" she chastised her self, unwittingly borrowing one of Spikes favourite phrases - that's what three months together with an Englishman will do to you! (A/N: yes I can say this because I'm English!) Picking up the phone beside her bed, Buffy dialled the number she now knew off by heart and hoped Spike would answer soon before she lost her nerve! ...  
  
The patrons in Caritas sat transfixed, staring at the stage. They all knew the vampire by reputation of course! Who hadn't heard of Spike aka William the Bloody? But none of them had ever heard him sing before...and they'd definitely never seen him play the guitar! The strong, melodic voice that filled the bar was unhindered by the drunken state of the vampire that provided it.  
  
// She comes home to me after a hard night's work//  
  
//Falls in my arms and sleeps like a bird//  
  
//Startle, wakes up, like she don't know me//  
  
//Cocks back her fist like she's going to slug me//  
  
//Like, who are you anyway//  
  
//And what are you doing to me?//  
  
Spike smiled at his own turn of phrase. He and the slayer had woken up like that many times in the early days – both of them falling asleep only to forget where they were in the morning! Spike's voice may have been strong, but internally he felt like a mess. It had been nearly a month since he'd been able to speak to the slayer, a month of endless nightmares, another month where he couldn't be bothered to kill anything. And it scared him senseless – he was William the Bloody – Slayer of Slayers, part of a quartet of vampires known as the Scourge of Europe! Now he was falling apart because one small girl wasn't there to help him pick up the pieces anymore!  
  
// She's an angel//  
  
//But she can't see it//  
  
//She's got wings,//  
  
//But she can't feel 'em//  
  
//She's an angel//  
  
//But she can't see it//  
  
//But she's flying above me every day//  
  
//Every day of my life//  
  
On some level Spike knew that it was probably a good thing that the slayer seemed to be distancing herself from him. After all, she was the SLAYER for crying out loud! He was supposed to kill her, not sulk because she wasn't there to hold his hand! When had unlife gotten so complicated?  
  
//Bright diamond eyes with daggers beneath them//  
  
//She carries the chains of a million decisions//  
  
//That weren't even hers to begin with anyway//  
  
//But she carries them all//  
  
//All the people around her//  
  
//Never even notice that she's very very tired//  
  
As Spike sang, he continued to think about the slayer – he needn't concentrate on the song – he wrote it, he knew it by heart! He realised that it wasn't just the comforting presence he missed. He missed being needed, he missed having her turn to him when she needed to talk about things, he missed the three hour phone calls he would get from her just after he had bought the cell phone, when she would tell him all the little things that she couldn't tell the scoobies. He liked being the one she told all her troubles to.  
  
// She's an angel//  
  
//But she can't see it//  
  
//She's got wings,//  
  
//But she can't feel 'em//  
  
//She's an angel//  
  
//But she can't see it//  
  
//But she's flying above me every day//  
  
//Every day of my life//  
  
With a flourish, Spike finished his song and jumped from the stage, heading right for the bar – he felt a desperate need to get very wasted tonight.  
  
"Fan of irony aren't you?" asked a voice from his left, just as he was about to down the blood and vodka he'd just ordered. Turning to face the voice, he saw a green skinned demon with little red horns peering at him intently.  
  
With his 120 plus years of experience, rapier wit and three figure IQ, Spike replied with the most intelligent answer he could come up with. "Huh?"  
  
The demon laughed. "She's an Angel? It's just funny on so many levels! And that line about slugging you? An absolute classic!"  
  
Spike nodded cautiously. Sure he'd written the song about the slayer before she had headed back to Sunnydale while he had been trying to work out why the hell he didn't want to kill her anymore...What he didn't get was how this guy knew that!  
  
"I can read your aura while you sing sweetie!" The demon said, as if answering his unspoken question. Spike's eyebrow shot up about an inch before surprise was replaced by his trademark smirk.  
  
"And what is my aura tellin' ya then mate?" he asked, curious.  
  
"She's got something to tell you, something important." The demon replied, all hint of humour vanishing from his voice. "The kind of thing you should probably hear in person. Get my point?"  
  
Spike stared at this unusual creature a few seconds more. Panic washing through him at the thought that something could be desperately wrong with his slayer.  
  
*Since when had she become 'my' slayer?* the drunk part of his mind asked.  
  
The sober part of his brain, the part that was currently flooded with panic replied *Since she put you back together when you were happy to take a daylight stroll wanker!*  
  
Without another glance at the demon and without paying for his drink, now left untouched on the bar, Spike fled the club and to his DeSoto, desperate to be in Sunnydale as quickly as possible, not hearing the quiet ringing of the cell phone in his duster pocket.  
  
A/N: I know Spike didn't write that song, But JM did and he is Spike so I reckon its ok to say that Spike wrote it – and come on – it totally fits!!!! Or I might be delusional - I haven't decided yet! Thanks for reading and reviewing – updates soon! Next chapter – the friends reunited! Well I'm excited anyway!!! 


	7. Hearts divided

Disclaimer – The usual – to tired to banter!  
  
A/N: Love all the lovely reviews, thank you so much. This chapter takes place instead of lover's walk – What? How could I possibly re-write history without making use of this prime opportunity? I know this episode was actually a little before Christmas but I'm altering the timeline to suit my purposes – I can do that...right? Also pretend Xander & cordy already broke up due to non-spike related reasons. Please? Oh this is the day after the last chapter – enjoy!  
  
Chapter 6: Hearts divided  
  
As Buffy stared at the newly decorated Christmas tree she wondered what all of her friends were doing right now.  
  
Giles was probably cross-referencing – the man had a strange definition of fun!  
  
Cordy was probably at some high society bash – fine if you like hanging around a bunch of stuck up snobs she supposed.  
  
Willow had told her that she was doing something special with Oz tonight. Buffy blushed at the thought of what that 'special' something was. *God I've just been celibate too long!* she chided herself.  
  
Faith claimed she was at some party... which roughly translated as 'I've gone to kill things and get laid'!  
  
Xander was camping out in his yard trying to avoid the annual Harris drink fest. She felt a twinge of sympathy for the boy.  
  
Angel was studiously not thinking about the fact it was Christmas and had told her specifically not to get him anything. She pouted at that. So what if they weren't exactly together anymore? What harm could a present do between friends?  
  
And then there was Spike. The latest and most unexpected addition to her list of friends. She smiled as she thought of the peroxide pest as she'd affectionately dubbed him. She felt a little bad that her other friends knew nothing of the support he had given her over the last six months, that they had no idea about the softer side that he allowed so few to see...but another part was glad that he was her 'secret friend'. It made it seem more special, like he belonged to her and she didn't have to share him with anyone.  
  
*Whoa Buff! Since when did you think of Spike as yours?* She quickly shook the thought off as she fingered the small box in her hand. She still hadn't Spoken to him except to leave a few voicemails, not that she hadn't tried, he just didn't seem to be answering her calls. Still, she would try again later, and put his present in the post tomorrow! *What are you doing right now Spike?* she asked silently, as if expecting the angel on top of the tree to have some kind of answer...  
  
Spike was, right at that moment in fact, hiding from the sun in the burnt out factory. He'd arrived in Sunnyhell just as the sun was rising. He'd considered going to the mansion but decided against it – too many bad memories. So instead he sat on the destroyed bed, staring at the remains of Miss Edith the first, bemused by his lack of tears. Maybe the pain was finally beginning to lessen...that or he had bigger things on his mind. Things he was going to find answers for as soon as the bloody sun set...  
  
"I wanted to schedule a college talk for later tonight." Joyce was saying on the other end of the line. Buffy rolled her eyes and suppressed a groan. This was all she'd heard all day from everyone. It was as if they were desperate to got rid of her or something!  
  
"Mom..." She tried to interrupt, eager to get back to the simpler task of training, but her mother was on a roll.  
  
"You don't have to go away. We can talk about some near by colleges. Ok?" said Joyce, amiably.  
  
Buffy was about to say just how not ok it was when another startlingly familiar voice interrupted on her behalf.  
  
"Hello Joyce!"  
  
SPIKE!!!!  
  
In the space of ten seconds, several thoughts flashed through Buffy's highly shocked brain:  
  
Spike was Back in Sunnydale. Angel was back in Sunnydale. Spike was at her house. Angel often stopped by her house. Spike didn't know about Angel. Her mom didn't know about Angel. Angel didn't know about Buffy & Spike's friendship. Angel and Spike HATED each other. All of these things added up to some serious trouble!  
  
Buffy dropped the phone and ran as fast as she could...  
  
Spike had been pleasantly surprised when Joyce made him welcome. She knew he was a vampire, and from what Buffy had told him, she hadn't been told about his friendship with her...yet here she was, sitting him down and making him cocoa – the stuff Buffy was forever ranting about!  
  
He'd been relieved when his subtle questions as to the well being of the slayer had been answered, informing him that Buffy seemed to be doing fine. Settling back in, getting good marks in her SAT's. In fact, Spike realised, she seemed to be doing a lot better without him than he was without her. He felt a slight pang at the thought that perhaps their time over the summer had been easily forgettable for her, but mostly he was just happy that she seemed to be happy. So instead of sulking, he decided to make the most of hospitality while it was offered and wait for the slayer to show up so she could yell at him for showing up out of the blue. Cheeky grin that no sane woman could resist in place, spike looked up at Joyce and asked in his most innocent voice:  
  
"You got any of those little marshmallows?"  
  
Joyce smiled, happy to have someone to mother who appreciated her efforts. "Let me go look!" she told him, standing and heading towards a cupboard. Grabbing the bag and setting it down on the counter she set about questioning this mysterious young man...well...vampire. She remembered that much from the night Buffy had left home at least. When she had first seen him standing at the back door she had been petrified, until his first question had been about her general welfare, asked with such honesty that she couldn't doubt his lack of evil intentions. Joyce guessed that he thought he was being sneaky with his subtle questions about Buffy, but she could see right through him. Whenever he asked about her, there seemed such concern in his voice, as if he was worried about the answer, and such relief whenever she confirmed the positive. Joyce had no idea what Spike's relationship was to her daughter, but he obviously cared deeply about her. And Joyce had a sneaking suspicion that Buffy hadn't been as alone as she claimed over the summer.  
  
"So how have you been?" She asked, simple questions first.  
  
"So so." He answered and Joyce sighed. It was going to be hard getting information out of this one!  
  
"How's that girlfriend of you yours? Drusilla was it?" Joyce instantly regretted her question the instant she saw the pain flicker across Spike's face, some of the light that had grown in his eyes in the half hour he had been in her company began to dim.  
  
"The slayer didn't tell you?" He asked and a less than steady voice. He already knew the answer; he was just trying to buy time.  
  
"I'm sorry Spike." Said Joyce sincerely; guessing that what Buffy hadn't told her had a dusty, or at least very unpleasant ending. She reached out to touch his shaking hand that clung to his cocoa as if for dear life.  
  
"It's Ok." He said, taking a deep breath to calm himself. "It doesn't hurt as much as it used to." He hadn't realised that it was the truth until he had said it. However, he wasn't left time to ponder this wondrous realisation as a very unexpected voice sneered at him from the open backdoor.  
  
"So it doesn't hurt that the love of your unlife took a stroll into hell? Spike I'm shocked!"  
  
Spike leapt to his feet, instinctively pushing Joyce behind him. His shock and disbelief sending him for a loop. This wasn't possible...was it?  
  
"Angelus?"...  
  
Buffy arrived in her kitchen and cringed. She could see Angel in the doorway, fighting against the barrier, snarling.  
  
"You touch her Spike and I'll rip your head off!" He growled at the younger vampire in his most threatening tone of voice.  
  
Buffy looked to where Spike stood, a terrified Joyce protectively placed behind him. She didn't need to ask exactly which vampire she was actually scared of! She looked back at Angel incredulously. "Angel don't you think if he was going to hurt her he would have done it already?" As she spoke every eye in the room became fixed on her. She gulped, reading the expressions in their eyes.  
  
Joyce looked at her disapprovingly, silently asking 'why didn't you tell me?'  
  
Angel looked at her in confusion. 'Why are you standing up for Spike?'  
  
But Spike...Confusion, hurt, fear...and just the tiniest bit of hope that she knew she was going to have to destroy all over again. She swallowed, fighting back tears at the pain she knew was about to be inflicted. Right now however, she had her mother and Angel to placate...*No I'm not delaying this, not at all...liar!*  
  
"Angel, why don't you come in?" Before Angel could lunge for Spike however, Buffy stood between them. "No Angel. Behave!"  
  
Angel looked at her as if she were insane. "But Buffy it's Spike. SPIKE! You remember him? The one who tried to kill you so many times!"  
  
"I remember Angel." Buffy replied calmly. "I also remember that he and I had a deal, a truce."  
  
"You did?" Angel was confused. "When?"  
  
"When we teamed up to take out Angelus." Angelus. Not Angel, Angelus! Buffy saw the hurt flicker in Angel's eyes at the direction this conversation was going, but she couldn't help that right now. "He agreed to leave and I agreed not to kill him. He hasn't hurt anyone so the truce still stands!" *And he's my best friend!*  
  
"But he's back now!" Angel practically yelled.  
  
"Are you really surprised Angel?" She asked, trying to keep her voice casual. A difficult task considering the blow she was about to deliver. "He probably heard you came back and wanted to see if Dru was back too!"  
  
"Yeah." She heard Spike from behind her. "You didn't think nobody would tell me did you peaches?" To Joyce and Angel, the comment was made with the usual snarkyness of Spike; only Buffy heard the hidden accusation in the words. She felt terrible.  
  
"Well she's not so you can just go crawl back to the rock you were hiding under can't you?" Angel spat hatefully. He wasn't happy about letting Spike get away again, but he knew Buffy wouldn't back out of a deal.  
  
"You right." Replied Spike, his tone of voice painfully dull. "I guess I can." And with that, he was gone...  
  
"I better go after him." Said Buffy, already grabbing her coat. She was halted however by Angel's hand on her arm.  
  
"Why Buffy? What does it matter as long as he's gone?" he asked, a hint of something in his voice that Buffy didn't want to identify.  
  
"Just to make sure he actually leaves." She covered quickly. "You know Spike!" *No you don't. You don't know anything about him!*  
  
Angel must have accepted her answer however since he nodded and released her arm. Buffy ran as fast as she could, hoping that it was enough to catch up with Spike. She didn't question how she knew which direction he had gone in, she just ran...  
  
A/N: evil chuckle! Come on, you know you want to know what happens! 


	8. Diverging paths

Disclaimer: Not mine. If I owned Spike...well I'd be a much happier person!  
  
A/N: I just couldn't leave that last chapter hanging – it was too painful for me! What can I say? I don't like Spike being miserable! Thanks for the reviews, the response to this story has been brilliant and I want you all to know I appreciate the support. The song in this chapter is where will you go by Evanescence, incidentally one of my all time favourite songs! This is directly after the end of the last chapter. Well on with the show...  
  
Chapter 7: Diverging paths  
  
Spike was sure the tears were going to fall any second now, and he wasn't particularly inclined to stop them. As he ran as fast as his vampire speed would allow back to the factory and his car he wondered what the main reason was for his distress, there seemed to be so many. Angel, the poof, the eternal pain in his ass, the one creature he loathed with all his being, the man who seemed to take everything from him – dignity, Drusilla, power...the slayer, was back from the hell Spike truly felt he deserved. His dark goddess was not, and if Spike were honest with himself she probably never would be. The Slayer knew all of this and hadn't told him. Logically he reasoned, she probably found out around the time he had stopped hearing from her, meaning she had known for a month. That's probably why she had suddenly cut herself off – the love of her life was back and she wanted to forget about the substitute vampire in her life. True he and Buffy had never been more than friends; both of them still too wrapped up in their grief to even consider anything else, but he thought he was at least important enough to her not to be cast aside so easily. Obviously he was wrong...and it hurt like hell!  
  
Spike didn't stop running until his hand was on the door handle of the DeSoto. He was about to yank it open and get the hell out of town, to crawl back under his rock like Peaches had suggested, when he felt an iron grip on his arm spin him around and slam him against the car. Before he could blink he found him self with his arms full of weeping slayer.  
  
"Oh Spike...please...I'm sorry, so sorry...never meant...didn't want to hurt you...was so scared...so sorry...please don't hate me..." Her words trailed off into incoherent sobs as she clutched him tightly, as if afraid he would vanish if she let go.  
  
Spike was stunned to say the least. He felt some of the anger he had been building against the petit blond huddled in his arms begin to dissipate. He could never stand to see her cry!  
  
"Here now pet, hush. Come on luv, talk to me." He said gently, trying to calm her down. She pulled back slightly to look up at him with wet eyes. Tears ran silently down her cheeks still, but her sobs had stopped.  
  
"You're not mad?" she asked cautiously in a small voice that sounded so strange coming from the usually strong and self-assured slayer.  
  
Spike sighed. "I'm not mad slayer. I'm hurt but I'm not mad."  
  
"Hurt's worse right?" she asked dejectedly. "I am sorry Spike. I really was going to tell you! I was! But I didn't know how to say it and I didn't want to tell you over the phone 'cause I knew how upset you'd be and I couldn't get up to LA to come see you and..."  
  
"Slayer calm down." He said smiling slightly in spite of the emotional blows he had received only half an hour ago. "Take a breath!"  
  
Buffy smiled weakly. "I really am sorry Spike."  
  
"I know pet, I know." He told her before pulling her into a gentle hug, reassuring her that they were fine, that he didn't hold it against her.  
  
After several minutes spent in comfortable silence they pulled apart and Buffy moved to lean against the Desoto. "So what now?"  
  
"Now," said Spike, moving to stand beside her "I head back to LA and you go back to your mum and Peaches, assuming they're both still alive since I get the feeling she doesn't like him too much, and you tell them the bad, naughty vampire ran away."  
  
Buffy smiled at his assessment of her mother's feelings towards Angel. "You don't have to-"  
  
She was cut off by Spike. "Yes I do have to slayer! You have your whole life here and me being around just complicates things. I think your friends would stake me as soon as look at me for one thing!"  
  
Buffy knew he was right but still felt the need to protest. "My mom likes you!"  
  
Spike smiled and shook his head. "And I like your mum, she makes great cocoa. But it's not enough slayer. I can't be in this place, not yet...still too many painful memories for me here." Buffy nodded, seeing the sense in what he said. It didn't make her any less miserable about it though. "Besides," he added "I think it's pretty clear that you're doing ok for yourself here without me, where as I'm still having trouble. I need to get used to being on my own again. I can't keep relying on other people to put me back together. You helped me, you really did! But I have to do the rest alone slayer, if I stick around I'll always have the temptation of running to you."  
  
"I like it when you run to me." It was a simple truth and neither of them disputed it.  
  
Spike smiled. "I'm not gonna vanish of the face of the earth slayer. You can still call or write if you need me. I'll always be there for you."  
  
"Promise?" She asked, feeling a fresh wave of tears threatening to break free  
  
"Promise." He said gently, leading forward to press a soft kiss to her forehead. Once again they stood in comfortable silence for a minute or so, before Spike reluctantly said that it was time he got going if he was to get back to LA before sunrise.  
  
"Ohhh let me give you your Christmas present first!" said Buffy excitedly, pulling the hastily wrapped box from her coat pocket and handing it to him.  
  
Spike unwrapped it, marvelling at the first Christmas present he had received in over a century. When he saw what was in the tiny box however, he burst out laughing.  
  
"No need to make fun!" pouted Buffy; put out that he didn't like it.  
  
"No, no, it's not that Slayer I love it it's just...here!" Spike reassured her, taking a similar small box out of his duster pocket and handing it to her. Buffy opened it, a puzzled frown on her face. Until she saw what was inside and burst out laughing herself...  
  
//You're too important for anyone//  
  
//You play the role of all you want to be//  
  
//But I, I know who you really are//  
  
//You're the one who cries when you're alone//  
  
Buffy lay on her bed, hugging Mr Gordo, listening to the song filtering out of her radio alarm clock, thinking of her best friend. She knew he had been putting on a front when he had told her that he would be fine alone, that she needn't worry about him falling apart. She would have been comforted if she didn't know him well enough to see when he was lying.  
  
//But where will you go//  
  
//With no one left to save you from yourself//  
  
//You can't escape//  
  
//You can't escape//  
  
She looked at the clock. She'd give it until tomorrow, then she'd call...just to make sure.  
  
//You think that I can't see right through your eyes//  
  
//Scared to death to face reality//  
  
//No one seems to hear your hidden cries//  
  
//You're left to face yourself alone//  
  
Spike drummed his fingers on the hood of his car, idly tapping out the beat of the song filtering from the radio. He smiled when he looked at his hand, seeing the silver ring that now lay there sparkling under the artificial lights of the gas station. Placing the gas hose back in place, he took the ring off his finger to study it. It was a simple thing, just three bands of silver woven together, but it was the inscription inside that made him smile. 'My best friend, with love, Buffy'.  
  
//I realize you're afraid//  
  
//But you can't abandon everyone//  
  
//You can't escape//  
  
//You don't want to escape//  
  
He knew Buffy was worried about him. He knew that she wouldn't have objected if he had decided to stay in Sunnyhell...but he couldn't do that to her. She needed to concentrate on her own life, on those people who needed her protection. She didn't need to worry about a Master vampire who should be perfectly capable of looking after himself! He'd be fine. If not for himself, he be fine so that she wouldn't worry.  
  
//I'm so sick of speaking words that no one understands//  
  
//Is it clear enough that you can't live your whole life all alone//  
  
//I can hear you in a whisper//  
  
//But you can't even hear me screaming//  
  
Buffy felt like beating the crap out of something as she left the mansion after another conversation with Angel that had resolved absolutely nothing! It felt as if he were treating her like a child, not the slayer. Ranting at her about 'letting a dangerous creature like Spike go free'. She was seething; wishing she could make him see how much Spike had changed without sending him off the deep end. As much as she loved Angel, as much as she wished they could be together, he could be such a wanker! As she walked quickly back to her house Buffy played with the ring on her hand - three simple bands of silver woven together - taking it off to read the inscription one more time: 'My best friend, with love, Spike'. She smiled, wondering if he would be awake when she got back so she could call him...  
  
A/N: Cheesy I know but I couldn't resist! Thank you for reading, but don't worry, I'm no where near finished with this little story! Please let me know what you think – it stops me from leaving horrible cliffhangers...sometimes. Love you all!!! 


	9. Heartbreak blues

Disclaimer: Please let me wake up in a world where I own Buffy and pals. Pretty please? With sugar on top? No? Bugger!  
  
A/N: I couldn't leave it like that! Who seriously believes that Spike and Buffy will stay 'just good friends'? (Looks around but doesn't see a single hand in the air) Right, good for you! I promised Spuffy and it will be delivered...eventually!! Yes I know I am evil and nasty and a few other undesirable things but hopefully it will be worth it in the end! And Guess what kiddies! Angel goes bye bye this chapter! What? What do you mean I can't kill him or I can't use AtS references? You're sure? But I can still get rid of him right? Oh thank god! I know I say this every chapter but I really do appreciate the reviews and the reading in general! Sorry this update was a little slower than usual but I'm always soooo busy on Thursdays! The song is goodbye to you by Michelle branch.  
  
Chapter 8: Heartbreak blues  
  
Bring!  
  
Bring!  
  
Bring!  
  
Spike picked up the alarm clock and threw it against the wall.  
  
Bring!  
  
Bring!  
  
Wait! If it wasn't the alarm clock where the hell was that ringing coming from?  
  
BRING!!!!!  
  
Oh right, the phone! Spike looked at his watch through bleary eyes. Who the hell would call him at six in the morning? The sun had just come up and all self-respecting vampires were fast asleep.  
  
BRING!!!!!!!!!!  
  
It felt like the phone was practically yelling at him! He fumbled around on the bedside table for a few moments before finding his cell.  
  
"Wah?" Spike mumbled sleepily into the receiver.  
  
"Spike?" inquired a small voice, thick with tears. Spike was instantly awake, pulling himself into a sitting position and rubbing his eyes.  
  
"Slayer, what's wrong? Has something happened?" He asked, worry evident in his voice.  
  
"Angel." Was all he received as a reply before Buffy was taken over by a fit of sobbing. Spike tried to calm her, whispering soothing words and shush noises. He knew his ponce of a grandsire wasn't dead, he'd have felt it if that were the case. Granted their bond wasn't particularly strong anymore, but he still would have known. That meant that the harsh sobs coming out of the slayer meant only one thing – the bastard had gone and broken her heart all over again! Spike seethed at the thought that the big brooder had probably done it out of some misguided sense of nobility. It made him want to throw up...then tear the wanker a new one! He had a feeling however, that the slayer wouldn't appreciate the string of expletives that wanted to burst forth from his lips. Instead he just waited for her to tell him the whole story...  
  
It had taken nearly two hours to drag everything out of her, and Spike felt no satisfaction when he found his original assessment of the situation had been pretty near dead on. He'd offered to torture Angel for her; only half joking, and he had at least gotten a weak chuckle for his efforts, but she had declined.  
  
"It's not fair Spike." She was sniffling now. "What right does he have to make my decisions for me?"  
  
"None at all ducks! The poof's always been like this – thinkin' he knows what's best and sod everyone else!" And it was true of both the souled and evil version –one of the many things that Spike hated about Angel. The list was becoming quite extensive!  
  
"Do you think...was it..." Buffy trailed off and Spike waited patiently for her to finish. What she did finally say however, made Spike want to hunt the ponce down and rip him limb from limb!  
  
"Do think it was something I did? Was it something about me?" she mumbled quietly.  
  
"Don't you dear ever think any bloody thing of the sort slayer!" Spike practically shouted, furious that she could think such a thing. "Any bloke would be lucky to have you, and if he's a stupid enough wanker to let you go then he's the biggest fool on the face of the earth! You've done nothing to deserve this!"  
  
Buffy sighed sadly. "You have to say that, you're my best friend."  
  
"I'm evil pet!" Spike reminded her yet again. "I don't have to say anything I don't want to."  
  
"You really think that?" she asked, and Spike was sure he detected the barest hint of hope in her voice.  
  
"Luv, you're the hottest bird I know! And you actually have a personality to go with it!" He could hear her smiling on the other end of the line.  
  
"Really?" She asked  
  
"Well yeah!" He said, then added with a smile "Of course I don't actually know that many people but..."  
  
"Hey!" protested the slayer, and then she laughed.  
  
"I'm serious Buffy." He said, his tone becoming very sincere, using the name he so rarely called her for added emphasis. "You have nothing to reproach yourself for, don't let the bastard break you!"  
  
"Thanks Spike." She said, and he could tell she was beginning to cheer up. "You always know what to say."  
  
"Yeah well, don't tell anyone. I have a reputation to protect you know!" He told her gruffly, embarrassed at the praise.  
  
"Okay." She laughed, "I won't tell anyone the Big Bad is really a Big Softie!"  
  
"Thanks ever so!" he replied sarcastically...  
  
"Spike?" She asked after several more minutes of banter.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Will you come to Sunnydale and see me?" She asked hesitantly, knowing that it was a lot to ask.  
  
Spike took a deep breath before answering. He hadn't been back to Sunnydale since he'd found out that Angel had come back. He'd been slowly putting himself back together over the last few months. He'd even managed to move back into his own room, but would he be able to hold himself together back in the town that had torn his unlife apart? The internal debate didn't last long however, he never could say no to the slayer. "Sure ducks, when do you want me to come down?"  
  
"Well..." she paused to think, "we have a slight ascension going on at the moment, and Angel's not leaving town until that's over with...so I guess sometime during the summer would be best. A couple of weeks maybe?"  
  
"Okay slayer, I guess I'll be seeing you then." Spike hoped his nervousness didn't show through his voice. If it did, Buffy gave no indication that she'd noticed.  
  
"Yeah. I've missed having you around." She told him.  
  
Spike smiled "I've missed you too!"  
  
//Of all the things I've believed in//  
  
//I just want to get it over with//  
  
//Tears form behind my eyes//  
  
//But I do not cry//  
  
//Counting the days that pass me by//  
  
Buffy watched the man she had loved for the last three years walk away from the charred remains of what used to be her high school, doing that walking into the wind thing she was so good at. *Poncey bugger* she could almost hear Spike think. It was easier to think in Spikisms, a lot less painful too!  
  
//I've been searching deep down in my soul//  
  
//Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old//  
  
//It feels like I'm starting all over again//  
  
//The last three years were just pretend//  
  
Part of her hadn't truly believed he would leave, that he wouldn't change his mind at the last minute, run to her and tell her it had all been some really horrible joke. But there he was, walking away from her!  
  
//And I said//  
  
//Goodbye to you//  
  
//Goodbye to everything//  
  
//I thought I knew//  
  
//You were the one I loved//  
  
//The one thing that//  
  
//I tried to hold on to//  
  
*Guess you didn't know him as well as you thought you did huh?* said that oh so annoying little voice in the back of her head – the one dubbed Faith! She'd given him everything, hear body, her heart...hell she'd even given him her blood at the end...and still he walked away!  
  
//I used to get lost in your eyes//  
  
//And it seems that I can't live a day without you//  
  
//Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away//  
  
//To a place where I am blinded by the light//  
  
//But it's not right//  
  
No, it wasn't right! How could he claim she was the love of his life and leave her regardless of her own thoughts and feelings? Spike was right, there was definitely something wrong with that little equation – 'I love you so I'm leaving you!'  
  
//Goodbye to you//  
  
//Goodbye to everything//  
  
//I thought I knew//  
  
//You were the one I loved//  
  
//The one thing that//  
  
//I tried to hold on to//  
  
She couldn't see him anymore, she couldn't even sense any vamps anywhere near at all. She wondered if she kept staring at the space she had seen him disappear he might suddenly reappear. *Yeah right, and denial is just a river in Egypt!*  
  
//And it hurts to want everything//  
  
//And nothing at the same time//  
  
//I want what's yours//  
  
//And I want what's mine//  
  
//I want you//  
  
//But I'm not giving in this time//  
  
Finally she turned and headed in search of the scoobies. It was time for post-apocalypse celebrations. Sure Angel was gone, but they had all survived! *And hey, check out the lack of quivering wreck this time round!* Spike was right, once again – She was strong enough to get through this!  
  
//Goodbye to you//  
  
//Goodbye to everything//  
  
//I thought I knew//  
  
//You were the one I loved//  
  
//The one thing that//  
  
//I tried to hold on to//  
  
//The one thing that//  
  
//I tried to hold on to//  
  
With that her thoughts turned away from the depression that was Angel and concentrated on the excitement she felt knowing she was going to see her best friend again soon. She looked at the ring that now never left her finger, a grin spread from ear to ear.  
  
//And when the stars fall//  
  
//I will lie awake//  
  
//You're my shooting star//  
  
A/N: I know that was kind of an Angel heavy chapter but he's gone now...although I can't promise he'll vanish into oblivion, I may have use for him yet. But never fear – I'm all about the Spuffy! Love you all your lovely reviews – more ASAP, promise! 


	10. Sunshine and marshmallows

Disclaimer: I own nothing blah blah blah! Bored now!  
  
A/N: I've had such a hard time getting this chapter up! – Sorry! Wow! I cannot believe all the reviews I've been getting, it's so brilliant – I totally love you guys!!!! Well I really think that last chapter was crap so now I'm gonna try and do better – no songs this time – shock horror!!! So we rejoin the slayer and the peroxide vampire during the summer between seasons three and four...  
  
Chapter 9: Sunlight and marshmallows  
  
"So have you picked any classes for your first semester yet?" Willow asked Buffy as they strolled through the cemetery on an early patrol. They were Bronze bound later and wanted to get the killing things portion of the evening out of the way quickly.  
  
"Nope!" replied Buffy, popping the 'p'. She threw her stake in the air and caught it again. Patrol was sooo boring when there was nothing to kill! "Here vampires! Got some tasty treats for ya!" she sing songed.  
  
"You're awfully chipper tonight." Willow pointed out, pleased to see Buffy in such a good mood. She had been sure that Angel leaving would have sent her into a funk for weeks, especially since she had been so distraught when Angel had broken up with her. But it was as if Buffy hadn't even given it a second thought.  
  
"Am I?" Buffy asked. She really hadn't noticed any extra chipper-ness...well okay maybe a little! But surely she wasn't THAT excited...was she?  
  
"Yeah," Willow told her emphatically "you're practically skipping around the cemetery!"  
  
"Huh." Buffy shrugged "Guess I've just got some excess energy to burn. I wish the evil things would show up so I can kill them and use the extra energy for more fun things, like Bronzing for example!"  
  
"Erm Buffy?" said Willow nervously  
  
"Yeah?" Buffy hadn't been looking at Willow, but when she turned to her she saw panic etched on her face. "Will what's wrong?"  
  
Willow pointed to something ahead of them that Buffy hadn't noticed. "I think you spoke to quickly about the evil things!"  
  
Buffy looked to where Willow was pointing, suppressing the smile that tried to break out on her lips, she tried to force a hard edge to her voice. "Will go!"  
  
"But Buffy..." She tried to protest but Buffy cut her off.  
  
"Go find Giles and Xander." When Willow didn't move immediately Buffy turned and glared at her. "GO!" Finally Willow turned and ran from the cemetery leaving Buffy to deal with the vampire casually leaning against a crypt on her own. He let out a low chuckle as she approached.  
  
"Pleased to see me pet?" He asked. His answer came when she ran at him full speed and wrapped her arms around him tightly in a fierce hug. Had he been human he was sure he would have had a few cracked ribs. "I'll take that as a yes then!"  
  
"Of course it's a yes dumbass!" She said, releasing him so she could see him properly. It felt like years since she had last seen him rather than a few months. She wasn't at all surprised that her spider sense hadn't detected him before Willow had spotted him. It was as if the slayer part of her didn't recognise him as a threat anymore. "You're looking better!"  
  
"So're you ducks!" he replied. He couldn't believe how happy he was to see her. He hadn't realised how much he had missed her until now. He was a little taken aback however when Buffy slapped him in the chest. "Hey! What was that for?"  
  
"What were you hanging around here for? You know I patrol here with the scoobies! Anyone could have seen you. Will DID see you!" She said sternly.  
  
"That was the point." He told her. "There was no one in at your house so I guessed you'd be patrolling." He pouted, "I just wanted to see you is all."  
  
Buffy sighed. It was impossible to stay upset with him when he gave her the kicked puppy look. "I know, I'm sorry. It's just risky."  
  
"Don't worry so much slayer. Red will just assume we had ourselves a knock down drag out brawl, which you won o'course, and I just high tailed it."  
  
"I guess you're right." She admitted. Buffy glanced at her watch. "Mom should be back by now. If you wanna go hang at my place for a while I'll wait for Willow and Co to show then I'll head back and we can catch up."  
  
Spike frowned. "Aren't you supposed to be going to the Bronze with your pals tonight?" When she gave him a puzzled look he pointed to his ear. "Vampire hearing."  
  
"Oh right. Well I can Bronze with the gang anytime but I barely get to see you! I'll tell them you got in a few good hits and I don't feel so good. They'll understand."  
  
"You're sure?" he checked.  
  
"I'm sure." She confirmed. "Now go! Hang with my mother!"  
  
As Spike went to leave, he made one last inquiry. "Does she still have those little marshmallows?"...  
  
An hour later Buffy walked into her kitchen to find her mom and Spike talking at the counter, each clasping a mug of cocoa and Spike with his hand in the bag of marshmallows, happily munching away.  
  
"...and then she said that's not a cow, and you're not milking it!" Spike finished and Joyce burst out laughing. Buffy had the feeling she'd missed something.  
  
"I see you guys kept each other entertained!" She said to announce her presence. Spike turned to her with a grin, nodding.  
  
Joyce calmed her self before speaking. "Oh hi honey. Spike was just telling me about the time..."  
  
Buffy held up a hand to cut her off. "That's ok mom! I've heard enough of Spike's stories for a lifetime."  
  
Joyce smiled knowingly at her daughter causing Buffy to give her a puzzled frown. Joyce took her empty mug to the sink and rinsed it out before she turned to face Buffy again. "Well it's late and I'm off to bed. Don't stay up too late ok Buffy?"  
  
"I won't." Buffy assured her. "Goodnight"  
  
"Goodnight sweetie. Goodnight spike." She said as she left the room.  
  
"G'night." Spike called after her before shoving another handful of marshmallows in his mouth.  
  
Buffy tilted her head to the side as she studied him. "You are one strange vampire!"  
  
"What's your point?" he asked innocently.  
  
Buffy just shook her head, choosing not to answer that. "You weren't telling my mother anything I'd have to stake you for were you?"  
  
Spike grinned devilishly. "Wouldn't you like to know!"  
  
Buffy sighed. "What am I going to do with you?" She asked, turning away from him to get a glass of water.  
  
"You open for suggestions?" he asked. Buffy paused as she heard him. *Was that innuendo?* She shook the thought off however, dismissing it as just normal Spike banter. Filling her glass with water from the faucet, she missed Spike's eyes widen as he realised what he'd said. By the time she sat down facing him, his surprise had been replaced with concern.  
  
"So how have you been holding up since the poof left?" typical Spike, strait to the point.  
  
Buffy took a deep breath before speaking. That was a loaded question if ever she'd heard one. "Okay I guess." She would have left it at that if not for Spike's raised eyebrow telling her to elaborate. "Some days are worse than others she admitted."  
  
"I know the feeling." Spike told her. It wasn't just a platitude; he really did know how it felt.  
  
"Sometimes it's fine, I can go a couple of days without thinking of him at all. And then something will happen, like I'll be walking through the park during the day and I'll see a couple holding hands and I'll think if we could have had something as simple as that maybe he would have stayed!"  
  
"What do you mean?" Spike asked confused. What did kids in the park have to do with Angel sodding off to wherever the hell he went?  
  
"When he left he told me that I needed someone who could be with me in the sunlight." She explained. "I guess it wasn't enough for him to see me at night. I tried to tell him I didn't look good in direct light anyway but he wouldn't listen."  
  
Spike frowned, a thought not quite fully formed, began to make itself known in the back of his mind...something about vampires walking around during the day...  
  
Buffy noticed his strange expression. "You ok?"  
  
Spike shook the thought off, he'd think about it more later. "I'm fine slayer. Now, tell me what you've been up to! Kill anything interesting lately?"  
  
He smiled as Buffy enthusiastically began to tell him about this Anilegna beast she'd fought the week before, giving him a blow-by-blow description. He listened to her stories until just before dawn, despite her assurances to her mother that she wouldn't stay up late. They only stopped since he needed to find shelter for the day. She would have let him stay there if not for the Scooby meeting that had been scheduled for later that morning.  
  
As he started to drift off in his hotel suite sometime later, the thought that had been nagging at him earlier came back with a startling clarity. Vampires walking around in the sunlight...  
  
A/N: and there's another chapter for your perusal! Love you all and will deliver more soon...as soon as I've had some sleep that is! 


	11. Never hurt a vampire's best Friend!

Disclaimer: You REALLY don't want to hear the details about what I'd be doing right now if I actually owned Spike! I don't own anything else either.  
  
A/N: Ok I started today with no time to write and now I don't seem able to stop...haven't decided if that's a good or a bad thing yet! Thanks to Shero, lilmamaday, Tobert, Shan, theoneandonlygurl, Hannah, thatannoyingirlishkid, Jennifer, Red wulf, Kari Mouke, Faeries Twilight, aakos, LovesBitch2 and Aaron for the lovely supportive reviews. If I've missed anyone I'm sorry – I can only go on those reviews that ff.net have posted, I really do appreciate every single one of you, hell I appreciate the fact that you're even willing to read what I write at all! Is it me or are these notes getting longer?  
  
Chapter 10: Never hurt a vampire's best friend!  
  
"I think Buffy's having lusty wrong feelings about Parker!" chirped Willow happily.  
  
"I am not!" claimed Buffy.  
  
"No you're not!" said Willow, suddenly thinking about what she'd said.  
  
"Oh I so am!" Buffy admitted sheepishly.  
  
"No I mean they're not 'wrong feelings'" Willow corrected herself. "You can feel that way about anyone you like. You're young, you're single?" Willow frowned. "You are single right?"  
  
Buffy thought about that for a few moments. *Do over protective vampire best friends who get all 'grrr' if a guy so much as looks at me count?* she wondered. She liked that Spike looked out for her, worried about her, offered to torture anyone who looked at her sideways...although that last one was slightly on the disturbing side. It meant a lot to her that he wanted her to be happy and not taken advantage of. Ever since the messy ending with Angel he'd insisted on vetting every guy she even considered going out with. "Yeah Will, I'm single." She said eventually.  
  
Willow grinned, happy that Buffy seemed to be over the Angel missage. She'd actually thought Buffy had been seeing someone secretly not long after graduation since she'd declined going out with the gang several times in a row. But when Willow asked her about it she'd been denial girl. Willow had let it drop, figuring Buffy would tell her about any secret beau she might have if it got serious enough. When Buffy had started spending every day of the last week with Parker Abrahms however, all of her suspicions had been quickly forgotten in favour of this latest love interest.  
  
"You should go talk to him." Willow suggested, nodding in the direction where Parker could be seen playing pool in a far corner of the Bronze.  
  
"No." Buffy replied, "We're not here together, I'm here with you guys..."  
  
Buffy's resolve had soon faded however when Parker had offered to walk her home. She found her self pleasantly surprised that she was able to speak to parker so freely. She'd only ever been able to speak like this with Xander and Spike before... although those conversations tended to be a little less normal. Parker had even believed her story about the angry puppy! Everything in this relationship seemed to be going right, the only thing missing was the approval of Spike. Parker was the only romantic interest she'd had over the last year that Spike hadn't given the third degree the second he met them...but that might have had something to do with the fact that Spike had no idea Parker existed. It wasn't even that Buffy was keeping quiet about it; she would never keep anything from Spike! He just hadn't been around much the last couple of weeks.  
  
Spike had stayed in town when he had come down to see her during the summer, keeping a very low profile of course - when he found out that Angel had moved there after graduation LA kind of lost its appeal. But for the last month or so he'd seemed to be really distracted. For a while Buffy had been worried that being in Sunnydale was causing him to slip back into his depressed state, but when asked he'd just told her that he was working on a project and promised that he wasn't killing anyone in the process.  
  
Buffy mildly wondered if Spike would ever feel in the mood to kill anyone ever again. She'd asked him about it last time she had spoken to him. All he'd said in response was that he had no desire to do something stupid enough to make her mad at him. *Hey! Why am I thinking about Spike on my date?* she thought as Parker leaned in to kiss her goodnight when they reached her dorm room after inviting her to a frat party tomorrow night. Before contact could be made however, Willow and Oz came running up with news of an angry puppy named Harmony...  
  
"But Spikey it's not fair! He was a looser – no one was going to notice!" Harmony whined.  
  
"I noticed!" Spike yelled, uncaring of the various partygoers who had turned to stare. "I told you before we got here not to kill anyone!"  
  
"He's not dead!" Harmony insisted  
  
"Only because I pulled you off of him!" Spike shot back. He really wished he'd staked the annoying bint the moment he'd met her...but unfortunately a vampire had his needs and he'd been drunk at the time. The only reason he'd even agreed to come to the party with her at all was the off chance that the slayer would be there.  
  
"You're no fun!" Harmony pouted.  
  
"Oh I wouldn't say that!"  
  
Spike sighed when he heard the slayers voice. Hopefully she would put him out of his misery and stake Harmony for him! Spike was about to beg her to do just that, but when he turned to face her he saw the dark haired hormone bomb with his arm around her.  
  
"Well well, lets check out the new boy." He said. Spike instantly went into protective mode and looked the boy up and down. Decent clothes meant the boy had money. Polished features – the boy was good looking and he knew it. He had the air of the vulnerable puppy dog, which Spike didn't buy for a second. Then there was the fact that he was daring to touch the slayer before Spike had given his express permission.  
  
"Hi, I'm Parker." The boy offered. Spike just looked at the proffered hand then back up at Parker's face. Something in Spike's blue orbs must have startled the boy because he took several steps back. Spike chuckled despite the glare he was getting from the slayer.  
  
Harmony must have taken the glare as an indication that the slayer was about to get stake happy because she took off running. Spike looked at Buffy and raised his eyebrow, their silent indication that she should follow him. Buffy nodded imperceptibly and Spike ran after Harmony. When Buffy caught up with the two vampires outside she and Spike traded several blows for show. Harmony, not wanting to get staked took off running again. Buffy and Spike breathed a sigh of relief.  
  
"Do me a favour slayer and stake that bint!" Asked Spike  
  
"I was planning on it anyway!" She informed him "She bit Willow last night!"  
  
Spike was shocked. "I told her not to touch any of your pals slayer I swear."  
  
"I know, don't worry. Willow's fine." Buffy grinned, remembering he conversation with Willow. "So you're Harmony's new boyfriend?"  
  
Spike shuddered in disgust. "I shagged her once slayer! Once! And I was so wasted I don't even really remember it! Now I can't get rid of her!"  
  
Buffy smiled. "Sounds like Harmony – Just be grateful you don't have a pet rabbit or else I think it would be well and truly boiled by now!"  
  
Spike chuckled before remembering something. "So what's with the new boy toy?"  
  
Buffy sighed and gave him the details of how they'd met.  
  
"So you've been seeing the guy for a week and this is the first time I've heard about it?" Spike voiced his disapproval.  
  
Buffy raised and eyebrow at him. "Well if you'd been around more I would have told you about him!"  
  
Spike was instantly contrite. "Sorry slayer. I've just been working on something is all...not that I'm sure how much you'll need it anymore with this Parker bloke."  
  
Buffy suddenly brightened at the mention that he was doing something for her. "A present for me? What is it?" She asked grinning.  
  
Spike just smiled. "Ask your watcher about the Gem of Amara pet." He then kissed her on the forehead and moved to leave, he turned back however to add. "Be careful with that boy luv, I don't like him."...  
  
Giles had laughed when Buffy had asked about the gem. She'd admitted Spike had told her he was looking for it and didn't correct his assumption that he'd use it to try and kill her. Buffy knew differently, she also knew that the ring wasn't the myth that Giles claimed it was – Spike wouldn't have told her about it if he didn't believe it was true. Buffy's head was reeling with the information that Giles had just supplied her with. Spike was looking for the Gem of Amara, something that would make any vampire who had it 100% unkillable. And he was going to give it to her, obviously expecting her to give it to the man who had wanted to take her into the sunlight. Buffy needed space to think. Grabbing her bag she left Giles's apartment and headed back to campus...  
  
"We had a good time alright." Parker was saying. Buffy felt like she was going to throw up. She hadn't been looking for Parker, but she'd found him...hitting on another freshmen only hours after they had slept together. "No need to make a big deal out of it." Parker turned to leave but Buffy grabbed his arm.  
  
"Was it...is there something I can do? Something I can change?" She asked, trying desperately to force back tears at the thought of being rejected once again.  
  
"No Buff, it was a wild ride!" Parker grinned. "But I think we should see other people ok?"  
  
Buffy wasn't sure how she would have replied but the need was taken away due to the growling red and black blur which leapt on Parker, knocking him down and was now beating the crap out of him. A small part of Buffy wanted to let Spike beat Parker to death like he was obviously going to do if she left him to it, but unfortunately her slayer morals made her pull him off the human that lay twitching on the ground.  
  
"Leave it Spike." She instructed him as she held him back from leaping at Parker again.  
  
"But Slayer he..." He was cut off by Buffy.  
  
"I know what he did Spike, but please, I just want to forget the whole thing!" she pleaded.  
  
Spike wasn't happy about it. He hadn't killed anyone in over a year but for this boy he was willing to make an exception. Unfortunately the look the slayer was giving him held him in place. "Fine the boy gets to live!"  
  
"Thank you." Buffy sighed, and then she noticed something. "Err Spike, its sunny out you're not on fire!"  
  
Spike grinned and held up his hand, forgetting about Parker who was slowly crawling away. "Yep. The Gem of Amara. Official sponsor of today's Spike Vs Buffy match!"  
  
"Huh?" Buffy asked. "You want to fight me?"  
  
"Well yeah!" Spike replied as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Come on slayer! You wont let me kill that tosser, and you're the only decent opponent round here. I have to hand this ring over in a bit and I wanna spend my time in the sun doing what I enjoy most!"  
  
"Fighting with me?" Buffy asked incredulously.  
  
"Well more like sparring." Spike pointed out. Buffy sighed and dropped into a fighting stance. Spike grinned and lunged at her...  
  
A/N: And that kiddies is my version of Harsh light of day. Lets pretend that Spike took the ring to LA but didn't torture Angel...or you can pretend he did if you like - either works for me. But no Angel isn't coming back because he looked a gift horse in the mouth and destroyed the ring – silly boy! More soon! 


	12. The ties that bind

Disclaimer: the usual, not mine bha blah bliddy blah  
  
A/N: Hey, has chapter ten started working yet? Could someone let me know please? Now I've had a request to do the fight scene from the end of the last chapter – unfortunately I happen to be really crap at fight scenes. It does sound like a good idea so if anyone else feels like writing it feel free to give it a go – email it to me, maybe I'll include it! I'm sorry if I'm disappointing anyone but I really hadn't planned to write that scene since I figure you can imagine better than I can write, I just hope you can enjoy the rest of the story. I do appreciate all the comments and suggestions I get though – keep 'em coming. Pretty please?  
  
Chapter 11: The ties that bind  
  
As Spike awoke he realised several things in quick succession. Firstly, he wasn't where he had been when he fell asleep. Secondly, he didn't even remember falling asleep. Thirdly, he was REALLY hungry. Fourthly, the overly bright white surroundings were making his eyes hurt. Fifthly, his head was killing him. Finally, all of this meant he had a very bad feeling in his gut!  
  
Slowly he sat up, careful not to make the throbbing in his head any worse. A quick look around didn't tell him much beyond the fact that he seemed to be in some kind of observation holding cell. He jumped to his feet when a hatch opened above and dripped out a blood bag. He picked it up and sniffed at it quizzically. "Beware Greeks bearing gifts." He mumbled to himself. Just as he was about to risk it however, a muffled shout stopped him.  
  
"Don't drink it!"  
  
Spike looked around for the source of the voice but saw nothing. "Why not?" He asked.  
  
"It's drugged. They starve you till you can't see strait then they give you that drugged blood to knock you out...that's when they come for you!" the disembodied voice informed him.  
  
"And who are They?" Spike asked, eager to know who had managed to capture the infamous William the bloody.  
  
"I don't know" The voice replied.  
  
Spike snorted. This guy wasn't going to tell him anything useful. Unfortunately he seemed too dumb to be lying to him, which meant what he'd said about the blood was probably true. Spike threw the bag so forcefully against the wall it burst and slid down onto the floor. To anyone watching, he would appear defeated. Anyone who knew him well enough would know he was only planning, biding his time...  
  
Spike's time came the following afternoon. As he lay sprawled out on the floor of his cell, empty blood bag at his side, he waited as two men in white coats opened the sliding door and began to man handle him onto a waiting stretcher. Just as one of the men leant over to strap him down, Spike made his move. Grabbing the man roughly by the neck he picked him up and threw him into the second man. Spike bolted off the stretcher and quickly searched their pockets. Finding a plastic card he took to be a key of some kind Spike quickly ran for the rapidly closing door...  
  
Spike knocked frantically on the door to the slayer's dorm room. She'd help him hide for a while; something told him those soldier boys he'd encountered during his escape wouldn't quit looking for him any time soon.  
  
"Come in!" He heard form the other side. Not wasting anytime, he quickly opened the door to find himself face to face not with Buffy but with a very frightened looking Willow. "Oh god." She mumbled, trying to back away from him.  
  
"I'm not here for you." He told her, hoping to calm her before she created enough noise to attract attention, something he really wanted to avoid right now. Unfortunately it didn't seem to have the calming effect he'd intended. Willow made a break for the door and Spike had little choice but to stop her. If he let her go she would undoubtedly run to the super friends and if they found him before he found the slayer there was a very high probability that he would be dust within the hour. If he could keep Willow here until the slayer showed up then maybe they could get rid of the red head somehow and no one would be any the wiser about his predicament.  
  
"Just sit down!" he yelled, the stress of the day making his temper short. "I'm not going to eat you. I just want to wait for the slayer." The look on Willow's face told him that she didn't believe him but at least she took a cautious seat on the bed. Spike sighed and sat down next to her. He was surprised when she actually spoke.  
  
"It's because it's me isn't it?"  
  
"What are you talking about?" he asked, confused.  
  
"I know I'm not the kind of girl vamps want to sink their teeth into." She whined  
  
"I'd bite you in a heart beat!" he insisted...  
  
That was how Buffy found them an hour later. She walked into the room just in time to hear Spike reassuring Willow about her sex appeal. The scene looked very similar to several that had taken place between Spike and herself and something about it felt wrong to Buffy. Spike was supposed to be /her/ friend, he was only supposed to have cosy chats with her. She didn't want to have to share him with Willow now. Just as Spike turned away from Willow to face her however, Willow grabbed the bedside lamp and hit him over the head with it, knocking him unconscious. *Guess Willow doesn't want to share Spike after all!* she thought with a little satisfaction...  
  
"Don't tie the ropes so bloody tight!" Spike complained from the chair in Giles' apartment where he had awoken a few minutes earlier, having obviously been transferred there from the dorm. "You're cutting off my circulation!"  
  
Buffy grinned at him. "Spike, you don't even have a circulation!"  
  
Spike smirked at her. "Well it pinches!" he looked over at Giles who had instructed the slayer to tie him up in the first place. "Is this really necessary?"  
  
"Yes what a wonderful idea! Let a notorious vampire who has tried to kill us all on multiple occasions roam free around my home!" The former watcher replied sarcastically before heading back into the kitchen.  
  
Buffy checked to make sure Giles was out of earshot before kneeling in front of Spike. "I'm really sorry about this." She told him quietly. "But it's the only way Giles would agree to let you in and there wasn't anywhere else we could take you."  
  
"Your mums?" He asked hopefully. He and Joyce did seem to get a long after all.  
  
Buffy shook her head sadly. "No good, she's out of town and with me at college there'd be no one there to keep an eye on you. Giles refuses to leave you unattended."  
  
"But why do I have to be tied up?" he asked "I'm not gonna hurt anyone."  
  
"I know." She told him earnestly. "But they don't believe that."  
  
"Can't you explain it to them?" he pleaded  
  
"They wont believe it Spike. I told them I thought they were safe but they don't want to take any risks. Please try to understand. It wont be like this forever – as soon as you convince them that you're harmless they'll let you go!"  
  
Spike sighed in defeat. He knew she was right. In all fairness he hadn't really given the scoobies any reason to trust him, and as Giles had said – he had tried to kill them all several times. "Fine, fine I'll be good."  
  
Buffy smiled in response, then a sudden idea occurred to her. Looking over her shoulder she reassured herself that there was still no one around to hear before asking Spike something that had been bothering her ever since he had got back from LA.  
  
"Spike, why did you give the Gem of Amara to Angel?" She asked. "You could have kept it for yourself."  
  
Spike looked at her with a soft smile on his face, one very few people ever saw. "I did it for you pet. You said the poof said you deserved someone who could take you into the sunlight. I figured if he had the ring then you two could be happy."  
  
Buffy was sure she felt tears in her eyes. "But you hate Angel."  
  
Spike chuckled yet there was little humour behind it. "Yes pet I hate the wanker more than I've hated anything in my whole unlife...but even though I hate him, if there was a chance that he could make you happy I wanted you to have that chance."  
  
A silent tear slipped down Buffy's cheeks as she looked upon her best friend. A soulless vampire who should be incapable of such a selfless act. "Why?" she asked, though what exactly she was asking about she was unsure.  
  
Spike understood however. Reaching out as best he could with his arms bound, he gently took hold of her hand and brought it to his lips, kissing the ring he had given her. Letting her hand go he brought his own hand up and indicated his own ring. He looked her in the eye, his own blue orbs glistening slightly. "Look at the inscription slayer." He told her quietly. "That's why."  
  
Buffy let out a gentle sob; deeply touched by the tenderness he was showing. Spike began to fidget. He didn't like to see her cry, even if they were happy tears. He had to do something to lighten the mood.  
  
"If I'd known the big brooder was gonna destroy the ring though I'd have kept it for myself!" He said with a smile that Buffy returned. "Wanker!" he muttered as an after thought. Buffy nodded, she had to agree with him on that one!  
  
A/N: I know some people were unhappy with the idea that Spike would give the ring up to Angel so I wanted this chapter to show why he did it, that he cares about Buffy that much. I'm sorry if I've disappointed anyone but hopefully you'll see what I'm trying to do. Please stick with me, I have some lovely Spuffyness planned – I'm doing the something blue chapter next – you know that's going to be good! Love you all. 


	13. Startling revelations

Disclaimer: The usual  
  
A/N: Hey all of those who are still with me, I love you all. Sorry this chapter took a while but RL has been kinda hectic today. Hope it was worth the wait. Ok this chapter is definitely R rated – it would be NC-17 but for the pesky ban. Damn it!  
  
Chapter 12: Startling revelations  
  
"I can't believe you escaped from Giles! I'm supposed to be comforting Willow right now." Buffy chastised Spike as they walked back to her former watchers apartment. "I thought you wanted him to trust you."  
  
Spike glared at her. "I don't give a bloody toss whether he trusts me or not! You're the one who wants the super friends to like me. And the guy was trying to do a spell on me when he couldn't even see straight – he could have turned me into a stink beetle or something!"  
  
Buffy smirked at him. "I think it would have been a generous ending for you Spike." She teased. Spike had the irresistible urge to stick his tongue out at her...he went with it and she giggled. She took a deep breath to compose herself as they reached Giles's door. "Okay, pretend to struggle." She said as she pulled him inside...  
  
"Will, you know Buffy couldn't just let Spike go." Xander pointed out as the irate red head paced his basement.  
  
"Well if Spike's so important why doesn't she just marry him?" She ranted in return, lightning flashing in her eyes...  
  
Giles headed out of the bathroom to deal with the two squabbling blondes in the den. If he didn't know better he'd say they seemed to enjoy their almost playful bantering.  
  
"If you two could just be civil for five..." Giles trailed off at the blurry sight in front of him.  
  
Spike knelt on one knee in front of his favourite slayer, both of her hands clasped in his.  
  
"Spike it's so sudden." Buffy gushed "I don't know what to say!"  
  
"Just say yes," Spike almost pleaded "and make me the happiest man on earth."  
  
"Oh Spike of course its yes!" Buffy cried as she leapt into his waiting arms. Giles put his hand out to steady himself, feeling quite sure he would faint. The vampire and slayer were however, blissfully unaware of his presence in the room as their lips met for the first time.  
  
Neither was sure who had initiated that first kiss. It began as just a tentative brush of lips against each other, unsure of how much the other was willing to give, neither wanting to push. After what felt like an agonising few seconds, the tip of spike's tongue came out to taste the sweet lip gloss on Buffy's lower lip, gently asking permission for entrance. Buffy gladly opened for him, allowing him to taste the even sweeter cavern of her mouth. Buffy smiled against his kiss and used her own tongue to draw his into a sensual dance, so perfect it felt as if they had been practicing this for years. Spike moaned as she allowed herself to explore the new territory she found. She savoured his taste, it was smoke and whisky and some indefinable new flavour that was uniquely Spike.  
  
*Why did I never do this before?* Spike asked himself as he tangled one of his hands in the hair at the back of her head to draw her deeper into the kiss, his other hand dropping to her waist to pull her small body flush against his.  
  
*So perfect! I never knew it could be this perfect.* Buffy sang inwardly as she wrapped her arms around Spike's neck, desperate to never let him go.  
  
"This can't be good." Giles muttered as the other pair in the room remained oblivious to anything but each other...  
  
Buffy giggled as she left the magic shop, Spike's arms wrapped around her waist, his lips caressing her neck as he walked behind her. "Stop it Spike." She protested half heartedly. "We have to get this stuff back to Giles."  
  
"But we don't even have all of the ingredients that we need. It wont make a difference if we're a few minutes late. It's not like we can do the spell yet anyway." Spike's voice was a low rumble against the flesh of her neck which he was now kissing and nipping playfully. Buffy suddenly felt like jelly. She was glad his arms were holding her tightly else she would have been a puddle on the floor by now. "What do you say we go test out the back of the Desoto?" he suggested, his tone conveying his barely suppressed lust.  
  
Buffy lifted one arm up to wrap around neck, pulling him closer to her. "Pig." She breathed, the desire filled moan that escaped her immediately afterwards belying her words. Spike chuckled against her skin in response, the vibrations going strait to her sex. She was about to drag Spike into the nearest ally, never mind waiting until they reached the car.  
  
"Buffy!"  
  
Buffy's growl was almost equal to Spikes as they turned to see who had dared to interrupt them. She suppressed a groan of irritation as she saw Riley Finn crossing the road towards them.  
  
"Who's that tosser?" Spike asked, his arms tightening around her possessively.  
  
Buffy smiled at him reassuringly. "Don't worry baby. It's just some guy from college who's been following me around like a puppy for the last few weeks. I think he has a crush."  
  
The boy was almost next to them now, but Spike didn't let that stop him. "You never said anything about it before!" he said, and Buffy could have sworn she heard insecurity in his voice.  
  
She turned around in his arms so she was facing him, taking his face in her hands she looked him dead in the eye. For a moment she was distracted by the swirling mists of blue she found there. *Why didn't I notice how beautiful his eyes were before?*  
  
"I didn't mention Riley because I didn't think he was worth mentioning." She told him eventually, missing the shocked and hurt expression of the boy who was now standing next to them. "Why would I want anyone else when I have you?" She asked, warmth suffusing her body at the surprised and elated smile of the man who had only a few hours ago been nothing more than her best friend.  
  
The awe in his eyes however was quickly replaced by a desire the likes of which Buffy had never seen before. Buffy grinned, grabbed Spikes hand and pulled him towards his car, not sparing the very confused Riley a second glance.  
  
"Was that Hostile 17?" Riley asked the air around him as he watched the obviously besotted pair run away happily...  
  
Silver and gold were woven together in the back of Spike's Desoto, naked limbs tangled together intimately as Spike's head moved between Buffy's thighs. "Oh God." She moaned in ecstasy as she arched her back to get closer. Spike held her hips firmly in place as he bought her closer to the edge with his talented tongue. She bit her lip to suppress the scream that fought to escape as she came.  
  
Spike lifted himself up, resting his weight on his forearms as he grinned at her, male pride written all over his face. "I love how you taste." He told her before leaning forward to kiss her, forcing her to taste herself in his mouth and she complied hungrily. "You mean the world to me." He whispered in her ear as their lips broke apart and he moved slowly inside of her.  
  
"Love you." She sighed, loosing herself in sensation.  
  
"Love you so much." He agreed as they moved together in a rhythm as old as time.  
  
"Never so good." She mumbled, her body quaking as she neared her second climax.  
  
"Always you..."  
  
Words of love and endearment continued to tumble from their lips as they engaged in their primal dance until they both threw their heads back, each screaming the others name as they fell over the precipice. As they lay together, still intimately connected, panting and holding on to one another for dear life, both had the overwhelming feeling that nothing had ever felt this good; nothing had ever been this right...  
  
Willow appeared in the crypt where she saw Anya and Xander desperately fighting a giant red demon while Spike and Buffy rolled around the floor, kissing passionately.  
  
"Let the healing begin, let my will be safe again." She chanted. "As these words of peace are spoken, let this harmful spell be broken."  
  
A blinding flash of light signalled the end of Willows 'my will be done' spell...  
  
Willow felt terrible as she watched Buffy curled into a little ball on her bed, sobbing into her pillow. She never would have thought that kissing Spike could have been so traumatic for her friend. Little did she know that the sobs were not caused by Spike kissage but by a feeling of loss so profound Buffy wasn't sure she would ever feel whole ever again. How was she supposed to go on, knowing that the greatest happiness and contentment she had ever felt had not been real but the result of a stupid, irresponsible spell done by the girl who was supposed to be one of her best friends? How was she supposed to function now that that bliss had been so cruelly snatched away...?  
  
Spike let the silent tears roll down his cheeks unchecked. For the first time in over a year he had been happy, he had been in the arms of someone he loved who had loved him in return. Now he had lost it, the pain in his chest far surpassed that which he had felt when he had lost his dark queen... He knew now why he had done so many things against his very nature for the slayer – standing against his sire, living with her, giving up the ring. Though as surely as he now knew he was hopelessly in love with his best friend, a revelation Willow's spell had forced him to face, he knew without a doubt that his love was unrequited. Why else would Buffy have pulled away from him so quickly when the spell had ended? Why else would she have been avoiding him for the last few days?  
  
"Damn you Willow." He muttered as he closed his eyes, letting his head fall back against the porcelain tub, hoping for a dreamless sleep.  
  
A/N: Come on, who seriously believed Spike and Buffy didn't get up to more than kissing in that episode anyway? Please let me know what you think – it still gives me a happy! More soon! 


	14. I see inside you

Disclaimer: The usual. Joss is a mean, mean man who refused to give me Spike for my birthday. I'm very upset!  
  
A/N: Hey guys, thanks for the reviews, keep 'em coming – my fragile ego needs sustenance! Ok, I think I've figured out where this story is going and I expect it to be about 30 chapters long - but don't worry, I wont make you wait till the very end for Spuffyness. I have one thing I need help with though – do we want Spike to keep his chip? I have ideas for either situation, just please let me know what you think and I'll go with the majority – you have until chapter 15 to let me know. Sorry this took a while but I had a migraine. Love you all!  
  
Chapter 13: I see inside you  
  
Spike stood at the bar in the Bronze sulking. Not brooding, sulking! There was a distinct difference. He really wished things could go back to the way they were before Red's disastrous spell. He wanted to go back to a time when he loved the slayer as a friend and nothing more. He wanted to go back to a time before he knew how very sweet she tasted. He wanted to go back to a time when she didn't seem to avoid him like the plague. It was that last one that was the worst. He could cope with the rest; it was just the incredible loss he felt at not being able to talk to her anymore. But whenever he tried she would mumble some excuse and run off as fast as she could. He accepted that she didn't want him the way he wanted her, but couldn't they still be friends?  
  
Spike pondered the strange turns his unlife had taken over the last few months. He'd helped out Giles when he was a Fyarl demon without even demanding any money for it. He'd moved into his own place so he wasn't mooching of others. He'd even been doing his own patrols. Although the most surprising, this last change was the most enjoyable. Spike had actually found he quite enjoyed killing demons – they put up much more of a fight than the humans had used to. Unfortunately, none of these things seemed to so much as crack the walls Buffy had built around herself.  
  
He was in the middle of formulating a plan that involved locking the slayer in a cupboard until she agreed to talk to him when the bottle of beer that was half way to his lips was snatched out of his hand. He turned to put a health dose of fear into the offender but found himself face to face with a very ...sexy looking Buffy just finishing off the bottle. She slammed it back down then turned and leaned her back against the bar so she was smiling up at him.  
  
"Cheers Blondie, I needed that!" She told him in a flirty voice as she blatantly checked him out from head to toe, her gaze lingering around his crotch.  
  
Spike gaped at her. *Blondie?* If it hadn't been for the big glowing neon sign he saw flashing over her head telling him SOMETHING'S VERY WRONG HERE!!!!! He would have been highly turned on by her perusal and obvious appreciation, judging by the lusty look in her eyes and the licking of her lips. As it was he was having trouble keeping Spike Jr in check. "Slayer?" he asked hesitantly and instantly noticed her tense.  
  
"You're a vampire." She said, standing up strait, all humour gone from her face.  
  
"Yeah." He replied, very confused. "I have been for a hundred years or so now pet. You've known that for a while."  
  
"I have." She replied quickly. "I just..." She trailed off trying to think of an excuse but Spike barely noticed. He was too busy looking her over as best as he could to see if an injury of some sort could explain her strange behaviour – bang on the head, demon venom or something of the sort. As he looked at her hands, the right one resting on the bar and that's when he saw it, or didn't see it actually. She wasn't wearing her ring. She never took that ring off, same as he never took his off. Even while she had been distant with him she had still been wearing the ring!  
  
For some strange reason he would never be able to explain he came to a very startling realisation in that instant. This wasn't Buffy. Whoever was in Buffy's body must have read his eyes the moment realisation hit him because before he could stop her she bolted from the Bronze faster than he was able to follow. Muttering every curse he could think of and then adding a few made up ones for good measure he ran as fast as he could to Giles's. The watcher would know what to do...  
  
"Giles you have to believe it's me! Faith switched our bodies." Buffy pleaded while Giles examined her sceptically.  
  
"Well you'll understand if I'm disinclined to believe you." He replied carefully, unsure how she would react. "Is there someway you can prove it?"  
  
Buffy-in-Faith's-body scowled at him. "My mother thinks you're like a stevedore during sex. You never did tell me what a stevedore is. Shall I go on?" She asked angrily.  
  
"I'd beg you not to!" Giles replied, collapsing onto a stool by the kitchen counter. Unfortunately for Giles Spike had walked in unnoticed a minute or so before.  
  
"No luv, do continue!" He grinned evilly at Giles "What else does your mum say?"  
  
Buffy turned to look at him, overwhelming relief written all over her face. "Spike!" She breathed, "You knew it was me?"  
  
Spike treated her to one of his soft smiles. "'Course I know luv."  
  
"How could you possibly have known it was her?" Giles asked, confused.  
  
"She's wearing her ring." Spike replied quietly, nodding towards her left hand. Buffy held it up and looked at it. It was true, she was wearing her ring, but how it had gotten there was beyond her. She was still wearing the rest of the clothes Faith had worn when they switched bodies and none of her other jewellery had followed her into this body.  
  
"How did that get there?" She asked quietly, not realising she had spoken out loud until she heard Spike's reply.  
  
"Some things are too important to let go of pet." He told her quietly.  
  
Buffy looked up at him, meeting his eyes properly for the first time since Willow's spell she could see the slight shimmer of hurt amidst the icy blue. She had hurt him by pushing him away since the spell. So desperate was she to avoid letting lusty feelings ruin their friendship, she had made her excuses to escape whenever he got too close, knowing he would be able to smell the arousal that the very sight of him induced, not wanting to hear the 'let's just be friends speech'. She'd heard it from too many men too many times – Pike, Angel, Scott, Parker... Having only just recovered from the broken heat Angel had left her with, she was in no hurry to have it inadvertently crushed again...because there was no way Spike would return her feelings, he saw her as the little sister he had to protect.  
  
Buffy had lost count of the times she had cursed Willow's name since the spell, wishing that these feelings could have stayed hidden so she wouldn't have had to face them. She'd been determined to keep a safe distance from Spike until she was sure she was over this little crush -*That's all it is. A crush! A crush bought on by a stupid spell and the best sex ever...shut up! Stop thinking about the sex!*- but seeing that hurt in his eyes she knew it couldn't go on this way. It wasn't fair to punish him because she was having trouble keeping her hormones in check.  
  
"Yeah, you're right. "She told him "Some things are too important." Slowly she walked up to him and kissed him on the cheek, much to his surprise. Giles however hadn't noticed, his head buried in a book, muttering to himself. Buffy's eyes held Spike's, silently asking him to accept her apology, his eyes telling her just as silently that all was forgiven. Their gaze only broke apart when they heard Giles have a eureka moment.  
  
"Of course!" he exclaimed. "Some kind of magical device...maybe Willow can come up with a counter spell..." as he trailed off, both Buffy and spike audibly gulped...  
  
A/N: I know that chapter wasn't great but I have headache people. I could have waited but it wouldn't leave me alone until I had written it down. Hopefully the next one will be better! 


	15. While I was dreaming

Disclaimer: Not mine and so on...  
  
A/N: OK I'll get this out of the way now – some people are not going to be happy with a couple of the things in these next few chapters. I'm very sorry to admit that the most evil thing to have come out of BtVS, namely (shudder) the B/R relationship will make an appearance. I want to assure everyone however that I loathe Riley with a passion and will not be in the least bit nice to him and I am definitely not going into any details – I swear I will make this as brief as possible! If you haven't given up on me after that revelation thank you for reading and reviewing, your faith is much appreciated. This chapter is kind of an experiment on my part...I think you'll see what I mean. It takes place during Restless.  
  
Chapter 14: While I was dreaming...  
  
I know I'm dreaming, I always do. Maybe it's something to do with being the slayer...It's strange, the last thing I remember before I got here was sitting on the couch with Willow about to watch Apocalypse Now. Kinda funny really – I just averted what could have been the real thing, caused by the military, and now I'm supposed to be watching an army flick...why do we let Xander pick the movies?  
  
It's hard to concentrate while I'm dreaming; my mind seems to shift in all directions...  
  
Oh. Why am I back here? If I was going to dream about being in the living room with my friends what's the point in dreaming? I could have stayed awake for this.... oh wait I'm not here...and when did Willow's hair grow? Oooh she looks nice with that colour, I'll have to recommend it when I wake up! Hey why does everyone look so upset? Xander looks like he's going to kill someone with his bare hands...I've never seen him that red before...he's nearly purple!!! Why am I laughing?  
  
Will's you look so sad, what's wrong? What's that CD? Anywhere? Never heard of it. I wonder if it's any good...ha ha Giles even cleans his glasses in my dreams! What's up with that?  
  
Who's the girl in that picture with mom and me? And where is mom? She was here earlier. Maybe I'll go look for her up stairs...  
  
Hey! When did the upstairs to my house turn into the Bronze? Didn't I have this dream already? Yep pretty sure I did. Drusilla should be around here somewhere with a stake, and Angel for that matter...oh there he is, sitting at a table with... RILEY?!? God you follow me around all day at college and now you're following me in my dreams! Remind me why I agreed to go out with you again? Oh yeah, the guy singing on stage! Wait, hold that thought! SPIKE? SINGING? Ooookaaaay. This dream just took a few steps closer to bizzaro world.  
  
Wow! I wish I could hear what he was singing. He looks so into it...actually he looks like he's gonna cry. Why would Spike be crying? Who is he looking at? Oh, I look hot in that dress! I guess my subconscious really likes me! He he he three guys trying to dance with me at once! And all of them hotties! Man I'm good!  
  
There's me again. Who knew Spike could dance! Like he'd ever look at me like that anyway! Oi! Riley no touching – hands in bad places! I really want a shower!  
  
It's smoky in here, I need some air...  
  
Ok when I said I needed air I didn't mean I needed a whole field! What's that noise? Cool helicopter. What am I doing here? Who am I screaming at? Shut up already, they obviously can't hear me! This is getting boring. There's no one to talk to...  
  
OK I blink and I'm in Spike's crypt. Very odd! Oh Spike don't do that...look you've hurt your hand! Stupid vampire...hey don't walk away from me, let me look at that hand...here I am again...ohhh new furniture. God I look miserable! Since when did I wear so much black?  
  
Pretty little girl...hey you're the girl from the picture at the house! No don't talk to Spike, talk to me! Tell me what's going on here!  
  
This is sooooo frustrating! Wish I could wake up...  
  
Oh God! I hate dreaming! No good ever comes of dreaming! Well, there was that one dream where the slayer...ok not thinking about that now!  
  
Incoming...Ow, bloody hell. That looked like it hurt! Where'd I fall from anyway?  
  
Who's that kid hugging me? Why are both crying?  
  
Hey! One second I'm outside, now I'm in the slayers bedroom...not that I object so much. Oh there's me...on the bed with the slayer! Aren't I a handsome devil! Oh pet don't cry, I can't ever stand to see you cry! Huh. Lookie here! Why would I ever sing to the slayer? Hey there's that kid again! What's she doin' in the slayer's house...and why is she listening at the door?  
  
Oi! Don't run off, I wanna talk to you!  
  
We look like we're in a hurry...what's that CD the slayer's puttin' in the stereo? Wonder why we're packing stuff up at...where's the clock... at three in the morning? And who the hell is that kid? Hmmm, she seems to be in these pictures...  
  
Ok, note to self – don't blink! It's very disorienting! Right, where am I? The crypt? Oh look it's captain cardboard! Oh he even looks like he's going to make an expression...hey what's with the stake? Ouch! You bastard what did I do to you? I can't even hit back thanks to that soddin' chip!  
  
Huh, I'm not dust...sadistic prick! What the slayer sees in you is beyond me! Told her I didn't like you! Never trust the military! No I'm not at all jealous! I'm also the queen of Sheba!  
  
Oh bugger! I get the feeling I don't want to see the names on those graves...At least it's a night time funeral...wonder if that was for my benefit.  
  
How'd I get to the Bronze? At least the singer's hot! Bloody hell! I do NOT dance! Wow, slayer is looking shaggable! She's dancing with me?!?!?! As if that would ever happen!  
  
I look a right state, no wonder I'm at the bar! What did I do, get hit by a bloody big truck? Certainly looks like a car wreck... I'm beginning to see a pattern here! Oh I get it! My subconscious wants me dead...well deader anyway...  
  
Oh now they tie me up! We did this one already whelp! Hey, you cut your hair...still look like a monkey boy though. The watcher looks pissed!  
  
Can't I get back to those nice dreams where the slayer and I are doing naughty things?  
  
A/N: Short and confusing but hopefully will make sense later! Thank you for the reviews – unfortunately I haven't been able to read the last few since ff.net hasn't posted them yet for some odd reason. But keep them coming anyway, I really do appreciate it and I'm sure I'll be able to read them soon! Love you all! 


	16. interlude

Disclaimer: Not mine etc.  
  
A/N: Unfortunately, since I don't seem able to access the reviews I've had yet, I don't know what people's positions were in terms of Spike's chip. Therefore I've decided to throw in this little interlude to give ff.net time to pull thumbs out of orifices and put up the reviews, or alternatively people could email me directly – the address is in my profile – and let me know what you think. I really do appreciate the input and I'm sorry for the inconvenience. Please keep reviewing, it means a lot to know people are still reading, even if I don't know what's being said yet!  
  
Interlude: Dawn of a new day  
  
// Dear diary,  
  
Buffy just went out. I cannot believe what a primo biatch she's being! She totally refused to take me to the movies even though mom told her to! Like I want to watch her making out with the giant Boy Scout anyway! She'd so freak if she heard me call him that! I don't know why, she never yells at Spike for it – I even saw her trying not to laugh when Spike called him captain cardboard! Where did she think I heard it from in the first place?  
  
I suppose I can't blame her for being easy on Spike though. I mean who wouldn't be? He is sooo hot! Way hotter than Riley! And if I hear another story about 'what my grandpa used to say on the farm' I'm gonna toss my cookies! Spike's stories are way better too! His are all scary and creepy and stuff! It's like having the bogeyman telling you stories about himself! I know Buffy thinks it gives me nightmares but it so doesn't! Also another reason why Spike is cooler than Riley – he doesn't call me kid or kiddo or any of those stupid names. He calls me nibblet or platelet or snack-size – names just for me. It's better than the names I've heard him call Xander anyway!  
  
It's like he knows I'm younger but I'm not as much of a kid as everyone else seems to think! He's so cool.  
  
This one time, I sneaked out of the house to go to this party that mom said I couldn't go to, just because it was a boy's party – it was totally unfair. Anyway, I kinda got lost on the way there and ended up in this cemetery. I was really freaked out. But I wasn't scared. No way...well not until this vamp jumped out and grabbed me. I really thought I was gonna die but then Spike appears out of nowhere and stakes him before the vamp even knew he was there! He didn't yell at me for being out or anything, he just took me home and promised not to tell mom or Buffy as long as I agreed not to sneak out again. And I've kept my word...mostly!  
  
It's so totally obvious that there's more going on between Spike and Buffy than they're telling anyone. I don't mean they're doing it – eeew that would be so gross! And Spike can do so much better! I mean the year that Angel went evil Buffy was all – I hate Spike! I'm gonna kill Spike! Spike is going down! Then she comes back after the summer and its all no Angel you cant kill spike! As if he could! I bet Spike's way tougher than Angel. All you'd have to do is mess up his hair and he'd run off screaming like the grand poof he is!  
  
And she wont let anyone else kill him either! I'm not dumb; I know Spike used to kill people even if he doesn't anymore. Buffy's friends think she should just stake Spike but she won't hear of it. She says it's just because she doesn't want to kill a harmless creature but even if the Scooby's buy that I don't! Yeah they're always fighting but if you watch them rather than listen to what they're saying it's as if they're having fun while they're doing it. Of course everyone else is too busy yelling at him to notice!  
  
Buffy is so dumb for being with Riley when there's someone like Spike around! When I asked her she said it was because she wanted to be with someone normal and this guy she was too scared to ask out this guy she had a crush on so she went out with Riley instead. I know she doesn't love him, I've read her diary! She even admitted in there that she thinks he can be boring! She's just so desperate to have a normal life that she's clinging on to Riley like he's her last hope or something! Hello? Slayer! Never going to be poster child for normal!  
  
What was I talking about again? Oh right, the movies. I'm not that bothered anymore. Maybe Spike will come over and talk to me. He does that sometimes when Buffy goes out with Riley. He always seems to know when she has a date 'cause he always shows up here while she's gone and doesn't leave until she gets back. Even if I get sent to bed he'll hand around out front under the tree - I've seen him. Then he'll sit out there and talk to her for at least an hour. She always looks way happier after one of their talks than she does after one of her dates! I wish I could hear what they talk about! Buffy always says its 'work stuff', which is big sister code for 'none of your business'. I would ask Spike but I think he'd actually tell me to 'mind my own bloody business!'  
  
Oh I hear a nock at the door, let me go see who it is...  
  
...Yay! Spike's here and he brought cards! He says he's going to teach me how to play poker so I can fleece all the kids at school. Spike's so cool!!!!//  
  
A/N: I know it's short but RL is being a total bitch lately! I'll still update as often as possible, I'm thinking it will be about a chapter a day at this point. Please remember to let me know what you think about the chip! Oh, I also promise that Dawn will not be annoying and insufferable in this story! I actually plan for her to come in useful! Love you all! 


	17. Chip off the old Spike

Disclaimer: The usual blah blah blah  
  
A/N: Yay! Finally got the lovely reviews – you are all soooo sweet! I love you!  
  
Chapter 15: Chip off the old Spike  
  
Buffy had faced a lot decisions in her short life. She's chosen to face the master even though she knew it meant her death. She had chosen to be with Angel despite his undead status. She'd chosen to return to Sunnydale instead of staying in LA. She'd chosen to be with Riley when he'd been so persistent. It was only after these events that she wondered how different things might have been if she'd made different decisions. She knew that every decision she made had repercussions that she couldn't always see ahead of time. Some decisions were a lot harder than others. This decision seemed like a walk in the park compared to some of the others.  
  
"Do it." She told the small doctor who had been watching her intently, waiting for her word to act. He didn't hesitate when she did speak, he didn't even respond – he simply went back into the operating room to work on his patient.  
  
Buffy looked through the glass windows for a few more moments. She knew if the others ever found out they would think her insane, they would scream and shout and ask what had possessed her to make such a dangerous choice. If they ever found out her answer would be simple. She knew him, they didn't. She knew what he was capable of but would no longer do. She knew that the choice she had made was right. He looked up at her at that moment, catching her eyes before she moved away. Although the anaesthetic was already beginning to take hold the message in his eyes was clear. 'Thank you.'  
  
With one last smile as he dropped off to sleep Buffy turned and headed in the direction of the other patient, the one she was less inclined to see...  
  
AS Buffy tapped on the door to Riley's room she took a deep breath. The door was snatched open and she was left face to face with one very pissed off looking former commando.  
  
"Buffy." He said stiffly, standing aside to let her in.  
  
When the door was closed behind them they both took seats facing each other, the tension in air so thick you could cut it with a knife. It was Buffy who broke the silence.  
  
"I know you don't think it was the right thing to do –"  
  
She got no further however since Riley chose that moment to explode. Rising from his seat, towering over her. If she were anyone other than the slayer she might, possibly, have been a little intimidated.  
  
"Not the right thing to do?" He yelled. "That's got to be the understatement of the century. He's a killer Buffy, and you're letting him loose!"  
  
Buffy was seething. "He hasn't been a killer for a long time Riley."  
  
"Because of the chip." He countered.  
  
"No." Buffy insisted. "It's nothing to do with the chip. Spike stopped killing a long time before that for no other reason than he chose to stop!"  
  
Riley snorted. "And you believe everything he says of course!"  
  
"I don't need to believe him Riley. I've seen it for myself! I can tell you the exact date he stopped if you like!" Buffy shouted, loosing her temper with the self-righteous ass in front of her.  
  
"Xander says..." Riley began but was cut off.  
  
"And we all know Xander is the most clear headed of people when it comes to Spike! He hates him more than you do!" She shot at him.  
  
"With good reason Buffy! Spike tried to kill him! He's tried to kill all of you!" Riley implored, trying to make her see sense.  
  
"And how many times has he saved our lives hmm?" She asked. "In fact you'd be dead now if it wasn't for him! He's the one who found you in those caves and took you to the hospital because you were too in love with your super powers and did a runner!"  
  
"That's not the point!" He insisted  
  
"Oh I think that is the point." Buffy said, smirking. She could see where all this was coming from now. "You're jealous of him. You're jealous that he's stronger than you!"  
  
"Please. That's rubbish." Riley tried to laugh it off, but he wasn't convincing anyone.  
  
"You're pissed because he didn't let it beat him, because he is stronger than you." She sneered. "Because he's just better than you!"  
  
"How did he do it?" Riley asked in a dull tone of voice.  
  
"How did he do what?" she asked, confused.  
  
"How did he get you to believe all of this crap? How did he convince you he was anything other than a monster?" He spat the last word with contempt.  
  
Buffy shook her head, wondering why she had let this man into her life. "He's more of a human being than you'll ever be." She told him before walking out; planning to never set eyes on Riley Finn ever again...  
  
When Spike woke up he felt very disoriented. His mouth felt like it was full of cotton wool and a samba band seemed to have set up camp inside his skull. He forced open his eyes but instantly regretted it when bright lights assaulted him.  
  
"Turn the bloody lights down." He mumbled to whoever could hear him. He let out a sigh of relief when someone complied and tried again. This time when he opened them he was met by a much more pleasant sight.  
  
"How are you feeling?" Buffy asked him quietly, guessing he was in pain.  
  
"Like someone drove a railroad Spike through my head." He told her with a half grin which she returned readily.  
  
"The doctor told me it might be like that for a while I'm afraid. You'll probably be weak for a few days." She told him.  
  
"Do the scoobies know yet?" he asked, hesitant to know the answer.  
  
"No, I haven't told them." She replied. "I...I don't think they'd understand."  
  
"They're gonna notice eventually luv." He pointed out gently. "I mean when the whelp pushes me too far and I stick one on him and don't end up rolling on the floor in agony they might get a tad suspicious."  
  
"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it." She told him firmly. "There's just so much going on right now with mom and Riley. I don't think I can handle that argument just yet."  
  
Spike nodded, conceding the point for now... but then something she said struck him. "What's going on with captain cardboard?" he asked, surprised when he didn't get the obligatory swat for his use if nickname. "Didn't he get to the doc in time?" At her raised eyebrow he added, "Pretend I care!"  
  
Buffy shook her head and chuckled gently. "He got there in time but...we broke up." She told him.  
  
"Can't say I'm too surprised pet." He told her gently. "Never did think he was the right man for you."  
  
Buffy chuckled. "I know...but he was there."  
  
"You shouldn't be with someone because they're there pet!" he chided gently "You should be with them because you love them."  
  
Buffy sighed sadly, looking away from him. "But what if they don't love you back?" She asked so quietly he almost didn't hear. Assuming she was talking about Angel he was quick to reassure her.  
  
"The great poof loves you. He told me when I went to give him the ring. He's just too bloody noble and all that crap!"  
  
*I wasn't talking about him* she thought sadly, but she didn't tell Spike that. He had more important things to worry about than her silly crush.  
  
"Can you walk?" She asked, changing the subject.  
  
"I guess so." He replied, carefully standing. "But I don't think I'll make it too far on my own."  
  
"It's ok." She told him, smiling. "I got you."...  
  
Riley seethed as he watched Buffy leave Spike's crypt after helping him home. *Probably tucked him in and read him a bedtime story* he thought bitterly. He should have guessed it would end like this when he'd seen them together outside the magic shop the week before Buffy had finally agreed to go out with him. She'd explained it all as a spell...but Riley knew better – he saw the way they looked at each other. He knew Spike must have done something to Buffy. There was no way she would let an animal like him touch her otherwise! Riley knew he'd never want some vamp's cast offs – he and Buffy could never be together anymore...but he would still make Spike pay for ruining the happiest days of his life...  
  
"Well if it isn't the toy soldier!" Said Spike as Riley stormed into his crypt. "To what do I owe the displeasure?"  
  
Riley didn't answer however, he just dragged Spike out of his chair where Buffy had left him with his 'Passions' and beer and blood. He threw Spike against the central pillar of the crypt. Spike tried to struggle free, but he was still weakened from his operation, his hits not having much effect on the enraged man in front of him.  
  
"Do you really think you have a shot with her?" Riley sneered. Spike didn't need to ask what he was talking about.  
  
"No I don't." he replied honestly, calmly. "And I think she deserves better anyway. All I'm ever gonna be to her is her friend."  
  
"Friend?" Riley asked, incredulous. "What does a monster like you know about being a friend?"  
  
"Obviously enough to piss you off!" Spike replied, perhaps unwisely. "At least she still cares about me, which is more than you can say!"  
  
"You're scum Spike." Riley told him. "You don't deserve to live!" When Riley raised the stake, Spike had an incredible sense of déjà vu...  
  
"Hey Spike, I got your buffalo wings." Buffy called as she entered the crypt. She let out a gasp when she saw Spike crawling his way over to his chair, a trail of blood following him, a large puddle having formed by the pillar. She quickly ran to his side. "Oh God Spike!" she cried, carefully helping him into a sitting position. "What happened?"  
  
Spike tied to laugh but ended up coughing instead. When he was finally calm his voice was tired, the blood loss making him even more weak than he already was. "I think captain cardboard took the break up kinda hard." He told her, and Buffy saw red.  
  
"Riley did this?" She demanded. Spike only nodded weakly, already falling asleep. Buffy gently carried him to his sarcophagus and laid him down. Finding a pillow in the corner to lay under his head and a blanket, she made him as comfortable as she could. She moved his blood near by so he could get it without moving when he woke up in case she wasn't back in time. She was loath to leave him, but Riley was going to pay...  
  
Buffy screamed in frustration as she watched the helicopter flying off into the distance. She'd missed him by all of a few minutes. She desperately wanted to see him bleed, to hurt him like he'd hurt Spike! She REALLY hoped he came back...  
  
A/N: Sorry I hurt Spike – promise he feels better next chapter – Spuffyness soon! Thanks for reading and the lovely reviews, I love you all! 


	18. Goodnight sweet girl

Disclaimer: None of it is mine – mores the pity!  
  
A/N: Hey people – thank you for the lovely reviews. Hope you're all happier now that Riley is gone – I know I am! Good news – Spuffyness soon. I'm sorry if it seems like I'm dragging it out but I don't want them to just jump in to bed for the sake of it. I would say definite spuffyness within the next 2/3 chapters though! Ok, now that's out of the way, the song in this chapter is Goodnight Sweet girl (hence the title) by ghost of the robot. Would have got this out sooner but couldn't log in (  
  
Chapter 16: Goodnight Sweet Girl  
  
As Buffy came storming into Spike's crypt having not been able to catch Riley and beat him to a bloody pulp, Spike had just been waking up. Despite his assurances that he was fine and just in need of rest and blood, Buffy had insisted on taking him back to her house and keeping him with her until he was healed, or at least not as weak from the operation. Spike had given in reluctantly, all to aware of how little he would actually be able to relax in the house of the slayer who unknowingly had stolen his heart. The look in her eyes when he had initially refused however had caused him to immediately back down – sometimes he really hated the fact that she had him wrapped round her little finger.  
  
When it came to sleeping arrangements there had been another battle. Buffy had wanted him to take the bed and she would have the floor. Spike wanted the couch, but Buffy refused to let him out of her sight. Spike had offered to have the floor and let her have the bed, pointing out that he was used to sleeping on a stone sarcophagus so the floor was actually a step up. Buffy had countered with the fact that he was injured and needed to be as comfortable as possible. The hour-long argument had been settled by Dawn who had come in to yell at them to shut up so SHE could get some sleep sometime that night. She suggested that they just share the bed; it was big enough for both of them after all!  
  
And so that's how Spike found himself in a T-shirt and boxers (something he was very unused to since he usually slept nude), in the slayers bed, watching her sleep when he was unable to do so himself. Gradually, over the last few hours she had managed to snuggle herself closer to spike until he had her nestled in his arms as she slept.  
  
//Are we done for now,//  
  
//Or is this for good,//  
  
//Will there be something in time?//  
  
//With us there should.//  
  
It had been a while since Spike had considered himself a poet. Looking back now he could admit that his early works had been, to put it bluntly, crap. Never the less, every now and then he would feel the muse in the back of his brain nagging him to put his feelings into words. He liked to think that in just over a century his writing had improved. Last time he had felt the need, his words had transformed into the song he had sung at Caritas that had then led him to his discovery of Angel's return. He'd been understandably reluctant to write again after that. But watching the beautiful woman asleep in his arms now, the words seemed to form unbidden and he found himself singing gently so as not to wake her.  
  
//Only girl for me is you//  
  
//There can be no other one//  
  
//If I didn't have faith//  
  
//I would come undone//  
  
And it was true. For while seriously doubted that she would ever feel the same way as him, she was the only girl he would ever love, and while she didn't know how he felt she could not reject his love. As long as he kept quiet, he could still dream that one day she would tell him she felt the same.  
  
//So much promise in your eyes//  
  
//Seems that I can only see//  
  
//It always makes me wonder//  
  
//If you save it all for me//  
  
And there were times, when she would look at him just so. When she would give him that private little smile when no one else was looking. Those times when she would just seek him out to talk when she felt the other scoobies wouldn't understand. The times when he would feel her watching him, but she would turn away as soon as he glanced in her direction.  
  
//Maybe you do//  
  
//Maybe you don't//  
  
//Maybe you should//  
  
//Probably wont...//  
  
He wondered if he was a fool to hope so much. Maybe he wasn't hoping enough. Maybe he was just insane!  
  
//Because there will be...//  
  
//There will be other guys//  
  
//Who will whisper in your ear//  
  
//Say they'll take away you sadness//  
  
//And your fears// No one who looked at Buffy could fail to see her beauty or be charmed by her spirit. Hell, he was a soulless demon, proud to admit it! But she had still enraptured him. Of course she would always have men hanging off her every word. It would be ridiculous to expect her to be alone all her life. They would all whisper sweet nothings as they held her, much like he was doing now.  
  
//They may be kind and true//  
  
//They may be good for you//  
  
//But they'll never care for you//  
  
//More than I do//  
  
Despite her bad luck so far, Spike had no doubts that one day she would find her prince charming and ride away into the sunset with him...no, make that sunrise – the poof had that much right, she did belong in the sun. As much as he hated them, and hated to admit it, he did believe that Peaches and captain cardboard had loved the blonde beauty that was now reaching out to wrap her arm around his waist, smiling at what were obviously pleasant dreams. But none of them would love her with the same passion that he did. He didn't want to coddle her or wrap her up in cotton wool. He didn't feel the need to fight everything for her – he wanted to fight it right along with her, by her side, to love her while she was in her element.  
  
//I'll be always there//  
  
//There to the end//  
  
//I can't do much //  
  
//But be your one true friend//  
  
He would be there for her in whatever capacity she would allow and he would never intentionally let her down. He would always be first in line to back her up.  
  
//To the end//  
  
//Through the end//  
  
//Our lives to spend//  
  
//With each other till the end//  
  
//Of time...//  
  
No matter what beastie reared its ugly head, no matter what apocalypse waited around the next corner, he would gladly follow her into hell and back. He wasn't an idiot. He knew that there was a high probability that he would outlive the already 'old' slayer (in terms of life expectancies that is). He was a vampire, technically he could live forever...but he knew he wouldn't live forever without her in his unlife. Once she died so would he. So he would literally be there with her until their end.  
  
//Still see the promise in your eyes//  
  
//And still wonder if it's for me//  
  
//But I know it's still there//  
  
//Even when you sleep//  
  
She seemed so peaceful as she slept. The normal worries of everyday life no longer weighed her down. Even though her eyes were closed he could still see the fire in them. He knew she walked in all of his dreams and wondered if he occasionally made an appearance in hers. Whatever she was dreaming she was enjoying it, judging by the contented murmurs that escaped her lips. Spike yawned, his exhaustion and fatigue from the strains of an overly eventful day finally catching up with him. With a small smile, he uttered the last words of his improvised song.  
  
//So I say, good night sweet girl//  
  
With a light kiss on her forehead, Spike settled down into the pillows that smelled so sweetly of her. "Love you." He mumbled as he finally gave into the pull of sleep and dreams of his slayer, unaware of the eavesdropping, wide-eyed fourteen year old listening from just outside the door...  
  
A/N: I can't decide if I like this chapter or not – you'll have to review and tell me what you think – I'm not fishing, honestly! Ok hands up, who believes me? More soon ( 


	19. I know something you don't know

Disclaimer: Not mine – But can I have Spike? Pretty please? With sugar on top?  
  
A/N: Thank you for the lovely reviews, there are too many for me to thank all of you personally but I want you to know I appreciate every single review I get! We're getting closer people! Spuffy very soon! Some of the dialogue in this chapter is taken directly from 'crush'.  
  
Chapter 17: I know something you don't know!  
  
Spike didn't bother to take his head out of the fridge when the door to his crypt swung open. He knew who it was.  
  
"What you doing here Nibblet?" He asked.  
  
"How did you know it was me?" She asked, trying not to sound too impressed and failing miserably. Spike turned to face her, smile on his face and glass of blood in his hand. With his free hand he tapped his nose. Dawn nodded in understanding.  
  
"So back to my question." He said as he sat down on his sarcophagus, gesturing for her to come closer. "What are you doing here?"  
  
"I'll leave if you want me to." She said, pouting.  
  
Spike shook his head. "That's not what I said Nibblet. You know I don't mind you being here, but you usually get dropped off by big sis and since I don't see her anywhere..." He trailed off and raised an eyebrow, indicating it was time for her to elaborate.  
  
Dawn sighed. "I was just so sick of being at home. It's like nobody knows how to talk to me anymore. You're the only one who doesn't look at me like an alien!"  
  
Spike smiled kindly at her. "S'not their fault pet, they just don't know how to deal with it is all."  
  
"But I'm still me." She insisted sadly. "No one had a problem with me till they found out I wasn't technically human. Originally anyway."  
  
Spike chuckled ruefully. "Well I was human. I got over it." Dawn smiled at that. "Don't worry about the others, they'll get over themselves soon enough."  
  
Dawn took a seat next to him – not too close, that made him uncomfortable. "If that's true then why do they still treat you like that?" She asked.  
  
Spike thought before he answered, not sure how much she remembered of his first stay in Sunnydale and his determination to kill his third slayer. "Because you never tired to kill any of them bit. They have plenty of reasons not to like me."  
  
"But I don't believe that!" She insisted. "You've saved us way more times than you've tried to kill any of us. I think they're just being mean!"  
  
Spike was touched by what she said; he felt his heart swell at the statement of acceptance in her words. He wondered if it was a trait of Summers women to be so adorable.  
  
"Appreciate the thought bit." He told her sincerely as he lit up a cigarette "But don't worry too much. S'not like I can stand any of them anyway."  
  
"But you like Buffy though." It was a statement more than a question.  
  
"Well yeah." Spike replied, confused. "She's ok for a slayer I guess."  
  
"But you REALLY like her don't you." Dawn stated, a knowing smile on her face.  
  
Spike frowned in puzzlement. "What are you getting at pet?"  
  
Dawn grinned. "You're in love with her!"  
  
Hearing what she said Spike began to actually choke on his cigarette. "What was that?" He asked in disbelief.  
  
Dawn began to bounce up and down in excitement at his reaction. "You do! You love Buffy!"  
  
"No way!" He said weakly. "She's the slayer. I'd never love her!" Even he noticed the lack of conviction in his voice but he refused to give in just yet. "What makes you say that?"  
  
"I heard you singing the other night. I heard you tell her when she was asleep." She told him simply and spike groaned. There was no way of getting out of this.  
  
"Have you told her?" He asked, not sure what he wanted the answer to be.  
  
"No." She said. "But I think you should tell her."  
  
"No!" Spike stated vehemently. "And your not going to tell her either!"  
  
"But..." She tried to protest.  
  
"No dawn! You have to promise not to tell her!" He insisted.  
  
Dawn batted her eyelashes innocently. "Would I do such a thing?" Spike growled at her in response...  
  
Buffy was whistling as she walked through her front door, amazed at how much her mood had improved since Riley had left town.  
  
"Dawn?" Joyce called from the kitchen.  
  
"No mom it's me." Buffy replied taking off her coat.  
  
"Is Dawn with you?" Joyce asked, coming out of the kitchen, a worried expression on her face.  
  
"No." Buffy replied. "What's wrong?"  
  
Joyce sighed. "She didn't come home form school today."  
  
Buffy felt the panic rise in her gut. Images of Glory or God knows what else getting hold of her sister flooding through her mind. She quickly put her coat back on. "I'll go find her." She declared, heading out once more...  
  
"And the lady just invited you in?" dawn asked incredulously in a hushed voice. She sat opposite Spike on the lid of the sarcophagus, the whole crypt illuminated only by a few scattered candles. The whole image eerily reminiscent of campfire scary story scenes from hundreds of horror movies.  
  
After enduring hours of 'when did you know you loved Buffy?', 'why do you love Buffy?', 'Why wont you tell Buffy?' and so on Spike had decided to try the only thing he could to get Dawn to shut up – scare the hell out of her!  
  
"Well I had hubby by the throat didn't I?" he replied in a quiet voice, matching hers. "Told her I'd let him live if she invited me in."  
  
"And did you?" She asked, "Let them live?"  
  
"What do you think?" He grinned. Dawn gulped and paled slightly. "Too much for you?" He asked concerned.  
  
"No!" Dawn replied quickly, determined not to be scared. "Go on."  
  
"Right. So I kill 'em all right quick. But there's someone missing. A little girl." He continued.  
  
"What did you do?" Dawn whispered  
  
"Well I got real quiet and listened real hard." He told her "The I heard this little sigh coming from the coal bin. So I stayed quiet and..."  
  
BANG  
  
Spike and Dawn both jumped up and yelped in surprise, both having been lost in the story as the door of the crypt was thrown open.  
  
"Bloody hell." Spike muttered, cursing his own ridiculous behaviour.  
  
"Spike I need you help! Dawn's..." Buffy paused as she took in the sight of her sister and Spike sitting cross-legged opposite each other in the centre of the crypt. "...Right here." She finished.  
  
Dawn looked at her watch and her eyes widened. She hadn't meant to stay this long.  
  
"What are you doing here Dawn?" Buffy asked, both relieved to have found her and angry that she had made her and her mother worry.  
  
"Sorry." Dawn replied sheepishly. "Spike was just telling this really cool story..."  
  
Buffy sighed and shook her head. "Well Spike can finish his story another time Dawn. Mom's been worried sick!"  
  
Spike, who had until now been silent snapped his head towards Dawn at this. "You told me she knew you were here!"  
  
"Sorry." Dawn mumbled again quietly, not meeting his gaze.  
  
Spike shook his head and turned to Buffy. "Sorry slayer. I wouldn't have let he stay if I knew you'd be worried."  
  
"It's okay Spike," she told him. "It's not your fault."  
  
Buffy rubbed her eyes as her tiredness began to catch up with her. The adrenaline and determination to find Dawn having kept her relatively alert until now. She wondered how long it had been since she'd had a proper rest. Her actions were not missed by Spike.  
  
"You ok Slayer?" He asked quietly.  
  
Buffy Sighed and looked up at him. She could really use the support of her best friend right now. "Dawn could you wait outside for a minute." She asked her sister. "Just scream if something tries to eat you."  
  
Dawn grumbled in protest but did as she was told. She winked at Spike behind Buffy's back as she reached the door, mouthing the words 'tell her'. Spike growled at her in response and she quickly ran out, shutting the door behind her. The moment the door closed Buffy collapsed into Spike's arms, allowing his strength to hold her up for now. He held her gently, stroking her hair.  
  
"S'alright Buffy." He mumbled reassuringly. "I'm here, talk to me."  
  
"Oh Spike." Buffy sighed, pulling back slightly to look at him, seeing the friendly concern in his eyes. She smiled. She always felt better when he held her. That night he had stayed at her house, in her bed had been the best sleep she'd had in months...and the lusty dreams his proximity had caused hadn't been unenjoyable either! "I'm just so tired." She told him after moments of silence. "Mom being sick, Dawn being the key, Glory. Everything. It's just wearing me out you know?"  
  
"Yeah." He said quietly, pulling her closer once more. One hand holding her head to his chest over his unbeating heart, his other hand rubbing soothing circles on her back. "I know."...  
  
A few minutes later Buffy emerged form the crypt feeling much better, the kind of better that only Spike could make her. As she and Dawn headed out of the cemetery she knew she should probably say something to the teen about running off and scaring everyone.  
  
"What were you doing here Dawnie?" She asked  
  
"Just hanging with Spike." She replied simply.  
  
Buffy roiled her eyes. "I could see that!" she said. "What I meant was why? It's dangerous out here!"  
  
"Spike wouldn't hurt me!" Dawn cried angrily, startling Buffy.  
  
"I know that." Buffy replied calmly. "But the hundred and one evil things lurking between here and the house might."  
  
"Spike wouldn't let them hurt me." Dawn mumbled, looking at the floor. "He's cool."  
  
Buffy looked at her sister form the corner of her eye, half grin in place. "You have a crush on him!" She teased lightly.  
  
"Do not!" Dawn insisted, the blush creeping over her face belying her words.  
  
"You do so have a crush!" Buffy sing songed, laughing at her sisters now grumpy expression.  
  
"I so don't!" Dawn repeated. "And even if I did it wouldn't matter! He'd never notice in a million years. Not with you around!"  
  
"What do you mean?" Buffy asked, stopping Dawn with a hand on her arm. "What does it matter if I'm around or not?"  
  
Dawn rolled her eyes. "You're as clueless as he is!"  
  
"Dawn what are you talking about?" Buffy asked confused.  
  
"Oh come on Buffy you didn't notice?" At Buffy's confused look she continued. "Spike's totally in love with you!"  
  
Buffy blinked almost in slow motion. Her chest reacting very strangely to her sister's words. Her heart felt almost like it was filling and compressing at the same time, and her breath caught in her throat. "Huh?"  
  
A/N: Come on R & R, you know you want to know how she reacts! Love you all! 


	20. A secret revealed

Disclaimer: The usual – look at previous chapters to see attempts vaguely amusing comments.  
  
A/N: One word people - SPUFFY!!!!!!!!  
  
Chapter 18: A secret revealed  
  
Spike sat at a makeshift desk in the lower level of his crypt, scribbling in a notebook he had stolen from the magic box. It wasn't great, but it would do. It's not like anyone else was going to read the lines he wrote here. He wouldn't have bothered to write them down at all but sometimes it felt as if his brain was so full there wouldn't be room for anything else, so he wrote things down to get them out of the way. Buffy had left with Dawn an hour before and Spike couldn't help but be worried about her. She seemed so run down, so stressed. He wished there was more he could do for her. So intent was he on his thoughts and his writing that he was surprised by the bang of the Crypt door being thrown open and the angry footsteps heading across the floor. Before Spike could reach the ladder however, a furious looking Buffy had jumped down.  
  
"Buffy luv?" He asked cautiously as she stalked towards him. "What's wrong? Did the nibblet forget something?"  
  
All he received in answer however was a sharp slap in the face. It wasn't a particularly hard blow, but it had been unexpected enough to snap his head around. When he recovered his senses hurt and confused stormy blue eyes turned to meet fiery hazel ones.  
  
"What was that for slayer?" Spike asked, his tone much calmer than he felt.  
  
"Why didn't you tell me?" She demanded.  
  
"Tell you what?" He asked, confused. "What am I supposed to have done?"  
  
Buffy wasn't listening however. "I spend months with that looser Riley to try and get over it, I spend nights crying myself to sleep thinking about what I can't have! And then I find out that you could have stopped it anytime you felt like it!"  
  
Spike watched her pace, getting more puzzled with each passing second. "Buffy..." he tried to break in, but she was having none of it.  
  
"I felt worse than I did when Angel left after that spell! I was sooo angry at Willow when I should have been thanking her! AND I had to find out from Dawn of all people!" She cried "Do you know how badly she is teasing me for not noticing?"  
  
It was of course a rhetorical question but Spike felt the need to try and get a word in anyway. "What...Dawn..." But the Slayer continued on her tirade, not hearing him.  
  
"And do you know that the worst part was?" She asked, continuing before he could answer. "I had to settle for sex with Riley! And I gotta tell you, he's nothing in comparison!"  
  
"BUFFY!" Spike yelled, finally shutting her up as she stopped pacing and turned to look at him in surprise. "Right. Now what the hell are you talking about?"  
  
Buffy tilted her head to the side, observing him as if for the first time. He really didn't know what she was talking about! She shook he head, copying his trademark smirk. "Dawn's right." She told him at length. "You are clueless!"  
  
"What..." He began, but was instantly cut off when Buffy suddenly flung herself across the room, wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her lips to his. For a few seconds Spike simple stood there, too stunned to move. But as the shock wore off he found himself relaxing into the kiss, his eyes closing, his arms coming to wrap gently around her waist. Buffy took the opportunity to pull herself closer to him. She nibbled on his full lower lip; Spike growled in response and she smiled against his mouth. Spike flicked his tongue out, gently pushing past her parting lips, pulling her tongue into play. The battle that followed was full of passion and strength, each of them pouring out months of suppressed feeling and desire into that one kiss.  
  
When they finally broke apart due to Buffy's pesky need for air, both were panting, resting their foreheads together. It was Spike who broke the comfortable silence between them. "So I guess Dawn told you." He said.  
  
"Yeah." Buffy replied, still not moving from his tender embrace "But why didn't you tell me yourself?"  
  
Spike sighed, contemplating just how much he should tell her. In the end he settled for the truth, he figured she deserved nothing less. "I was afraid." He told her simply.  
  
"Afraid? Why?" She asked, surprised evident in her tone.  
  
Spike took a deep unneeded breath before continuing, pulling her with him to sit on the edge of his bed and settling her in his lap. "I've been around a long time Buffy, I've done a lot of things I'm not proud of and even more things I'd do again in a second. But in all the time I've been on this earth I've only ever loved four people, or at least I believed it was love at the time, and I loved them all differently. The first was my mum..." he paused, swallowing the nausea that always arose whenever he thought about her. "I was her whole life and I did everything I could to look after her – I was a right mommy's boy." He chuckled but there was no humour in it. "Let's just say the situation ended badly."  
  
"What happened?" Buffy asked softly.  
  
Spike winced. "Lets save that conversation for another day ok pet?" Buffy nodded, letting it drop and urged him to continue.  
  
"The next was Cecily. This high society bird I had a fancy for. It wasn't real I don't think, just an infatuation. Anyway she found out, got utterly disgusted and told me I was beneath her."  
  
"What a bitch!" Buffy declared  
  
"That she was pet. Then there was Dru – you know what happened there." Buffy nodded. "And then there's you." He unconsciously held her tighter. "So you can see pet my history with women isn't exactly one to inspire confidence. I figured no good could come from your knowing how I felt."  
  
Buffy smiled turning so she was facing him, kissing him once more. Just a soft brush of her lips against his. It was a kiss for reassurance more than anything. Just the merest touch to let him know that she was here and that some good had definitely come out of her knowing. When they broke apart Spike was smiling, his sombre mood broken. "So why didn't you tell me?" He teased "Why go off with captain cardboard?"  
  
"Same reasons as you." She replied, "Fear, not so stellar history, didn't think you felt the same."  
  
Spike grinned. "We are both idiots aren't we?"  
  
"Yep!" she giggled "But I intend to make up for lost time!"  
  
Several hours and many kisses later found Spike with his back against the headboard, Buffy tucked in his arms, her head leaning against his shoulder.  
  
"So what are we gonna tell people pet?" he asked cautiously, unsure how she would react to the idea of telling her friends.  
  
"Well..." Buffy paused as she thought, absently drawing patterns on his T- shirt clad chest with her finger. "I think dawn will have figured it out by now, she's cool with it. I'll tell my mom when I get home. I don't think she'll mind either – for some strange reason she likes you!"  
  
"Hey!" Spike felt the need to offer a token protest. "I'll have you know I'm very likeable!"  
  
"Yeah baby," she giggled, "You are." She leaned up, intending to give him a simple peck, but as inevitably pulled into a passionate battle of tongues once more. Breaking away after a minute she continued. "As for the others I'm not sure. I know for a fact Xander will completely freak! He still hasn't forgiven me for Riley leaving!"  
  
Spike growled. "Can't I just kill the whelp?" Buffy's glare was his answer.  
  
"There's so much going on right now what with mom just getting out of hospital and this Glory chick. I don't think it's a good idea to start this with the scoobies just yet."  
  
"I guess your right." Spike agreed, still a little put out at the idea of having to love Buffy in secret.  
  
"Don't worry though." She reassured him "As soon as she's out of the way we'll tell everyone! Until then..." She grinned at him devilishly. "I get to be your dirty little secret!"  
  
Spike returned her grin. "How dirty exactly?"  
  
Buffy's joyful laugh could be heard through out the cemetery...  
  
A/N: Just to let you know – no your not missing them having sex! Don't worry though it will happen...assuming you R & R wink wink (evil laugh) 


	21. The meaning of mortality

Disclaimer: Not mine blah blah blah  
  
A/N: Nice to know the Spuffyness went down well! Loved the reviews, and as lilmamaday pointed out – yes I am a review whore!  
  
Chapter 19: The meaning of mortality  
  
When you're a vampire time moves differently than it does for humans, and you don't usually give death much thought. At least not your own, and since most of the death you encounter was caused by your own hand you don't think too much about that either. It's so rare that someone you knew well enough to mourn dies, let alone someone you actually liked or cared about. Spike had only been in this position once before, and even then it had been a demon that died, the person she had once been was already gone before he even noticed. Now it was happening again he didn't know what he should feel, whether he should feel anything. He knew he felt something. He just didn't know what it was.  
  
He'd been shocked when Buffy and Dawn had come to his crypt a little under a week ago and told him through their tears and confusion that Joyce had died. He'd thought she was getting better, the hospital had said they'd gotten rid of the tumour. Wasn't the danger supposed to have passed? He thought in this great technological and medical age that people didn't just die any more. He wasn't an idiot, he knew there were sometimes when no matter what was down a person couldn't be saved...but he'd celebrated right along with Buffy when they'd been told Joyce was out of the woods, he'd joined in with Buffy and Dawn's teasing when she'd had her first date in much too long.  
  
He really wanted someone to tell him what this strange sensation was in the pit of his stomach. It wasn't the kind of gut wrenching grief he'd felt just after he'd lost Drusilla, and it wasn't the kind of life ending pain he anticipated if anything happened to the tiny blonde who was now huddled in his arms after she had come to him, just to be held and cried herself to sleep. He was sure that he wasn't feeling the same thing that she was; he didn't feel the need to break down and cry, but he didn't feel like jumping around and bouncing off the walls either. No, lying here quietly with his girl in his arms seemed like a safe plan. He'd idly wondered if she would explain what he was feeling but guessed that she was in enough pain of her own without trying to analyse his.  
  
He would have to wake her soon. It was the funeral today and she needed to be there. He wished he could be there with her, but nobody had had vampires in mind when they'd invented funerals. Buffy had told him that Giles had made most of the arrangements and since he didn't yet know about their new relationship he hadn't made accommodations for Spike to be included. With all the confusion around her, and all the other things she'd had to think about she hadn't thought to mention that he might want to be there as well. And now, with everyone suspended in this bubble of grief, announcing that she and Spike were together hadn't seemed like the most considerate course of action. Spike had shushed her, told her he understood, told her he only wished he could be there for her when it counted. She'd responded by telling him that whenever he was there it counted, and had asked him to hold her and never let her go.  
  
And so that's what had led them here. Dawn had appeared earlier to make sure that Buffy was with him and hadn't tried to patrol in some kind of grief fuelled frenzy. At first he'd been worried that she had come out here alone, but she'd reassured him that she'd asked Tara and Willow to bring her on the pretence of letting him know about the funeral – they were waiting outside, giving her time alone with her friend. He'd relaxed a little then, knowing that the witched were quite capable with their magics. He'd told Dawn that Buffy was fine, just worn out and that he'd take care of her. Dawn had given him a small smile and pointed out that that's what he was best at – taking care of Buffy. He'd beckoned her over to the bed when she'd begun to cry and had hugged her as best he could without letting Buffy go. Just letting her vent her pain as he had allowed Buffy to do. After half an hour she'd given him a small grateful smile, all she could manage right then, and had left with Tara and Willow.  
  
When the sun was just starting to rise he'd shaken her gently to wake her. She'd looked up at him with such a look in her eyes it had made his heart break. They held such hope that this had all been one horrible nightmare and she had simply spent the night in her lover's arms and the world was her friend once more. He hadn't had to say a word, reality had grabbed her in a few seconds and she had that lost look she'd had for the last week firmly back in place. At that moment he'd wanted nothing more than to fight whatever higher power had decreed that this angel needed more pain in her life...  
  
Buffy wasn't sure how long she'd been stating at the grave that held what used to be her mother. Not her mother, her mother was gone, all that was left was the body...she knew that, yet she couldn't will herself to move. She knew a lot of time must have passed; there was no one else left in the cemetery, just her...  
  
After what felt like an eternity had passed she became vaguely aware that something was coming nearer, she wasn't going to be alone much longer. She never took her eyes off the grave however, not even when she saw two black clad feet step into her line of sight, nor when she felt cool fingers wrap around hers. All she did was hold onto them tightly.  
  
"I'm sorry I couldn't be here sooner."  
  
...  
  
Spike didn't look up from the television as his crypt door was thrown open, He didn't even offer a greeting; he knew they'd speak when they were ready.  
  
"What are you playing at Spike?" He ground out. If looks were stakes, Spike would have been dust already.  
  
"It's called watching the telly peaches, people do it every now and again. I figured even you'd know that!" Spike responded, boredom evident in his voice.  
  
Angel growled and dragged Spike out of his chair and pushed him against the central pillar. Spike wondered idly why Buffy's ex's loved doing this to him. "I meant what are you playing with Buffy, William." Angel spat the word, as if trying to goad the younger vampire into a reaction. Spike was happy to disappoint.  
  
"I'm not playing at anything peaches. If you'd been around recently you'd know that." He replied coolly.  
  
"I saw you with her by the grave! Pretending to comfort her, holding her! Admit it, its all some elaborate plan to get her to trust you so you can snap her neck when she least expects it!" Angel accused.  
  
Spike rolled his eyes and pushed his grandsire away from him. "One, I know you saw us – I heard you coming form a mile away, you've really lost your stealthy touch. Two, I'm not pretending anything, I love her!"  
  
Angel sneered. "Whatever Spike! Try that line on someone who doesn't know you're lying. Vampires remember? You can't love without your soul!"  
  
"No peaches." Spike countered angrily. "YOU couldn't love without your soul! I'm perfectly capable of it. I always have been. I've been there for her! I've been the one to help her when there's been a hell bitch beating down her door! Where were you? Letting Darla snack on a bunch of Lawyers! Very soulful of you!"  
  
If it was possible, Angel paled. "Have you told Buffy?" he demanded.  
  
"No." Spike replied honestly. "I might hate your guts but she still cares about you for some insane reason, I didn't want to hurt her by telling her. Besides Peaches, believe it or not, when I'm with Buffy you're not exactly on either of out minds!"  
  
"I'll kill you for touching her!" Angel growled, obviously having had enough with this argument. Before he could move to make good on his declaration however, he was stopped by an angry voice at the door.  
  
"You won't touch him at all!" Buffy told him, her voice cold, calculated.  
  
"Buffy?" Angel asked gently, turning to face her, his stance softened immediately. Spike shook his head – as if she was going to fall for that!  
  
"What are you doing here Angel?" She asked  
  
"I heard about Joyce." He told her in his most soothing tone of voice. "I came here to tell you how sorry I was."  
  
"And what?" She asked in disbelief. "You took a detour on your way to see me to come beat on my boyfriend? That's so going to make me feel better!"  
  
Now it was Angel's turn to be stunned. "Boyfriend...Spike?"  
  
Buffy shook her head. She really didn't have the energy for this. "You've said sorry Angel. Now leave."  
  
"But Buffy..." he tried to protest.  
  
"LEAVE!" She yelled. Angel spared one last glare at Spike and a mournful look at Buffy then did as he was told. Once the door was closed behind him, Buffy felt the last of her energy leave her. Before she could fall to the floor however, Spike was at her side, sweeping her into his arms.  
  
"Buffy?" He asked quietly.  
  
She looked up at him, tears welling in her eyes once more. "Hold me?" She asked, and Spike did just that.  
  
A/N: I know I could have finished this chapter sooner but I wanted Angel to get yelled at – is that so very bad? 


	22. Can of worms

Disclaimer: Not mine etc.  
  
A/N: I think that last chapter was the last we'll be seeing of Angel, any complaints? No didn't think so. Ok before I forget, I was asked where the evanescence lyrics from earlier in the story came from. They're from their album Origin – I've had a hell of a job trying to find it and downloaded the songs instead. Hope that answered your question. Thanks for reviews – still love you all!  
  
Chapter 20: Can of worms  
  
"Are you sure about this luv?" Spike asked as he and Buffy stood outside the magic box. He was sure if he were human his palms would be sweating by now. This was it, the moment of truth.  
  
Buffy sighed and grabbed his hand, as much to reassure herself as to comfort Spike. "It's now or never." she lamented.  
  
With a deep breath, one needed, one for show, they walked through the door hand in hand, and were met with six pairs of eyes immediately fixed on them.  
  
Dawn looked excited, bouncing up and down on her seat.  
  
Giles looked apprehensive, wiping his glasses.  
  
Anya looked curious.  
  
Tara looked...supportive seemed the only way to describe it.  
  
Willow looked concerned.  
  
Xander looked positively livid!  
  
Buffy let out a long-suffering sigh. "I guess you did hear from Angel then. What is he like five? Running to tell on me because I did something he didn't like...Wanker." She mutters, unconsciously imitating the vampire at her side who chuckled in response.  
  
"Angel informed us of the situation because he was concerned Buffy." Giles told her primly. Buffy could tell from his tone of his voice that he was trying very hard to remain calm.  
  
"Well there's nothing to be concerned about." Buffy stated matter of factly. "Spike and I are together. End of story."  
  
"Buffy, I think there's a bit more to it than that." Said Willow, trying to keep the peace, Xander however, had other ideas.  
  
"A bit more to it?" He practically yelled. "Buffy how could you be so stupid?"  
  
"Don't you dare talk to her like that whelp." Spike growled. Buffy could feel him tense next to her and she knew that Xander was skating on very thin ice.  
  
"I'm not stupid Xander." She said as calmly as she could manage. "We're not hurting anyone and we're not doing anything wrong!"  
  
Xander sneered. "Right because boinking the undead isn't doing anything wrong!"  
  
"Xander!" warned Willow as she saw Spike's eyes flash yellow.  
  
"I'm sorry Will," Xander continued, heedless of the threat to his life "but I don't see where she can get off putting us all in danger and claim she's doing nothing wrong!"  
  
"And how exactly am I putting you all in danger by being with the man I love Xander?" Buffy asked through clenched teeth. She felt Spike's fingers grasp hers just a little bit tighter in support and she smiled at him gratefully.  
  
"Well that's just it isn't it." Spat Xander "He isn't a man at all. He's an evil killer!"  
  
"He's changed!" Buffy insisted. She was sure she'd had this conversation before with an equally thickheaded soldier boy.  
  
Xander snorted. "Angel was bad enough! But at least he had a soul!"  
  
"Meaning I haven't got one to loose monkey boy." Spike spoke at last. "And if I haven't killed you yet after what you've just said to Buffy , I don't think I'm likely to do it anytime soon...but please keep trying to prove me wrong."  
  
"See!" Xander exclaimed, "He just threatened me!" Even Giles rolled his eyes at that point.  
  
"Buffy surely you can understand why we would be concerned for your well being." Giles spoke carefully, not wanting to anger the vampire and slayer further.  
  
"Giles, nothing is going to happen to me!" Buffy insisted, "I know what I'm doing. Spike isn't going to hurt anyone."  
  
"I think it's cool!" Dawn announced out of the blue, causing her sister and the vampire at her side to smile.  
  
"Dawnster, how can you say that?" Xander cried, incredulous.  
  
"Oh quite easily." Anya contributed "Vampires make very pleasing orgasm partners. They have incredible stamina!"  
  
Everyone in the room, except for Spike who was nodding, went bright red and stared at the floor.  
  
"We haven't...erm...we're not..." Buffy tried to articulate, but she had been struck speechless by Anya's usual bluntness.  
  
"You're not having sex yet?" Anya asked, surprise evident in her voice. "But Spike is a particularly pleasing specimen don't you think?"  
  
If possible, Buffy blushed even more. Xander on the other hand looked positively repulsed. "Come on Anya." He muttered grabbing his girlfriend's hand. "We're leaving!" And with that he marched out of the shop dragging Anya behind him, throwing a last disgusted glance at the blond couple who glared right back...  
  
"They're never gonna accept us are they?" Buffy asked Spike quietly as he walked her home.  
  
"I don't know pet." He replied honestly. "Does it really matter?"  
  
"It shouldn't." She said miserably. "But they're my friends Spike, I don't want to loose them."  
  
"Do you want me to stay out of the way for a while?" Spike asked sadly. "Give you time to think about what you want to do?"  
  
"No." Buffy was quick to reassure him. "No Spike I need you with me. It took us so long to get here I don't want to loose you now."  
  
Spike smiled at her and pulled her into his arms, holding her tightly. "You'll never loose me pet. I love you too much. You couldn't get rid of me if you tried!"  
  
Buffy smiled against his chest and tried to get just a little closer. "Love you too." She told him before pulling back and lifting her head up to his, bringing their lips together for a tender kiss. So lost in each other were they that they never noticed the several pairs of eyes watching them from the bushes...  
  
Spike was happily lighting candles around the crypt, waiting for Buffy to show up for their 'date' (read: make out session) when Xander walked in. Spike rolled his eyes, as if he hadn't seen this coming!  
  
"What do you want whelp?" he growled. "I'm kinda busy here."  
  
"I want you to stay away from Buffy." Xander announced without preamble.  
  
Spike laughed. "Yeah that'll work. Say pretty please!"  
  
"I mean it Spike!" Xander continued. "Stay away from her, she doesn't need you!"  
  
"And what does she need?" Spike growled, his amusement turning to anger. "You?"  
  
Xander grabbed the front of Spike's shirt, getting right in his face. "We're her friends Spike, and we love her very much."  
  
Spike decided right at that moment he was sick of people trying to push him around, sod whether they found out about his chipectomy. He roughly pushed Xander away from him and grabbed him by the throat, pushing someone else against the pillar for a change! Xander's eyes went wide as he realised that he really could be in trouble.  
  
"I love her too whelp." Spike spat. "I love her so much that no matter how much I want to kill you right now I'm not going to because I know it would hurt her!" Spike let Xander go but didn't back away.  
  
Before Xander had a chance to respond however, the crypt door burst open and about ten of Glory's scabby hobbit like minions rushed in.  
  
"Friends of yours?" Spike asked a very surprised Xander. His question was answered when the first minion to reach them hit Xander over the head, rendering him unconscious...  
  
"They took Spike." Xander told the Scooby's assembled in the magic box. "They're taking him to Glory!"  
  
"But Spike knows Dawn's the key!" Willow gasped.  
  
Buffy stood and went to the weapons chest in the training room, handing everyone who followed her a weapon. "We have to get him back!" She announced calmly.  
  
"But Buffy if he tells Glory about Dawn..." Giles started but was cut off by a look from Buffy.  
  
"We. Are. Going. To. Get. Him. Back." She reiterated, daring him to disagree with her.  
  
"There's no way he's not telling!" Xander exclaimed. "It'll be safer to stake him!" The slap he received from Buffy and the shocked glares he received from everyone else in the room were enough to keep him quiet until after they had rescued Spike...  
  
Spike didn't think he'd ever been in so much pain as he propped up the bar in the bronze a week after his rescue. That Glory had really done a number on him. He felt like an articulated truck had hit him. So here he was trying to numb the pain with alcohol while Buffy hung out with her friends. She'd asked him to come along if he felt up to it when Willow had announced a Scooby outing. He knew she was trying to get the Scooby's to used his presence in her life, but their uncomfortable looks when he and Buffy had walked in were enough to let him know that they were a long way off from acceptance. So he had told Buffy he would hang out at the bar and let her be with her friends.  
  
He was on his fourth or fifth imported beer when he felt a presence beside him. He was surprised to see it was Xander with an expression other than the usual anger or disgust he had when looking at the vampire. Spike didn't speak. If Xander had something to say he'd come out with it in his own time.  
  
"I don't like you." Xander told him after several minutes of simply studying the vampire.  
  
"The feelings mutual whelp." Spike replied, wondering exactly why Xander had gone out of his way to tell him this.  
  
"I'm never going to like you and I think Buffy's insane not to stake you." Xander added.  
  
"Did you just come over here to insult me?" Spike asked.  
  
"But I do believe you don't want to hurt her, otherwise you wouldn't have let Glory mess you up like you did." Xander continued as if Spike had never spoken. "I wont forget that."  
  
Spike just looked at Xander curiously, unsure what to make of this little admission. He didn't have chance to ask since Xander quickly walked off. Spike considered following him but he ached too much to move that far yet. Instead he just watched him walk back to the table where the rest of the Scooby's sat. Buffy noticed him looking at sent him a bright smile that Spike eagerly returned. All was right with the world once more...  
  
A/N: I know that chapter kind of jumped about a bit but I think I got the important stuff in. I really didn't think it was realistic to have all the Scooby's welcoming Spike with open arms and I wanted to show that. Hopefully I pulled it off. If not...well I'll think of something. Long life Spuffy and I love you all! 


	23. Saying 'I love you'

Disclaimer: not mine blah blah blah  
  
A/N: Ok I know some people aren't gonna be happy with some of this chapter but remember I do nothing without a reason so please bear with me and don't hate me too much! This chapter is definitely R rated so no reading if your not supposed to...everyone else – enjoy! Love you all!  
  
Chapter 21: Saying 'I love you'  
  
Spike hadn't moved for three days. He hadn't eaten and he hadn't slept. All he did was think...which it turns out is a dangerous pastime. He hadn't been able to face going back to his cold empty crypt, which reminded him of just how alone he was once more. So he'd come back here with Dawn. She'd understood, she'd left him alone; she knew something of how he felt because she was feeling it herself.  
  
Xander had protested of course, but only minimally, even he could see how much pain the vampire was in. Of course the other Scooby's had been reluctant to let him stay in the house with Dawn as well, he'd seen it in their faces. Xander was simply the only one bold enough to speak out directly. Dawn had stepped in in the end, saying she wanted him there, that Buffy would have wanted him there. Eventually they had reached some kind of agreement. Spike would be allowed to stay as long as Willow and Tara moved in as well to keep an eye on things.  
  
Spike hadn't been involved in these discussions of course. They had all gone on around him. He'd just absorbed whatever snippets of information had floated up from the living room. Had he been able to muster the energy to contribute he would have made some snarky comment about them trying to make him move if that's what they decided. He didn't have the energy. So instead he just lay still, on Buffy's bed and remembered...  
  
It had been a very long couple of days for everyone. First Glory brain sucks Tara, and then she finds out about Dawn forcing them all to go on the run in a Winnebago of all things. At least the Scooby's had agreed to put their Spike hostility on hold while there were more pressing issues to be dealt with. As it turned out going on the run didn't last too long. After those creepy knights attacked them they'd been holed up in that gas station for quite a while. When Ben showed up to help an injured Giles they'd never expected him to turn into Glory and take Dawn, and they certainly hadn't figured on the slayers mental shut down. Willow had come through with that spell though, and now Buffy was on the warpath!  
  
"You get the weapons from the living room." Buffy instructed as she and Spike arrived as her house. "I'll get the ones from my room."  
  
"Right." Spike replied, this was no time for bantering. "Just a couple of good axes should do us. Don't want to be weighed down."  
  
Buffy had stopped by the foot of the stairs when he had started to speak and was just watching him as he handled the weapons with practiced ease, testing them for their suitability. She watched him as he prepared to follow her into battle, as he'd always claimed he would. She knew at that moment that he would die for her...but she still had to ask.  
  
"You know we're not all going to make it." She said simply. It wasn't a question, just an unfortunate fact.  
  
"I know." Spike replied quietly, still studying the weapons intently, when he did turn to her it was with a barest of smiles. "Always knew I'd go down fighting!"  
  
He was trying to make this easier for her, to let her know that whatever happened he had done it of his own free will.  
  
"I'm counting on you." She told him. "To protect her."  
  
"Till the end of the world." He insisted. There was no hint of uncertainty in his voice. He meant what he was saying, and it was just what she had wanted to hear. "Even if that happens to be tonight." He added with a hint of his usual smirk.  
  
It was that phrase that struck Buffy; 'if that happens to be tonight'. She looked at this man before and saw everything he had done for her, everything he had become. He was her best friend, he was her most trusted confidant...and he was the man she loved. She decided in that instant that if the world did end tonight, she wanted to die knowing that he had known how much she loved him. "Come with me Spike," She asked quietly, turning and walking up the stairs towards her room. She didn't look behind to check that Spike was following; she knew he would be.  
  
Spike stopped in the doorway of Buffy's room, unsure what was happening. She was standing in the centre of the room, looking around, taking everything in as if trying to memorise it.  
  
"Luv?" He asked softly, "What's going on?"  
  
Buffy turned to him then, a look of resolve on her face. "Spike, I love you."  
  
Spike smiled uncertainly. "I know that Buffy, and you know I love you."  
  
"But I want to show you Spike, I want to show you how much I love you." She told him.  
  
Spike didn't ask her what she meant, he didn't need to. It hadn't been a conscious decision not to take their relationship to this level before. It had been a mutual understanding that they both wanted to be ready. They knew that if they took this step there would be no going back, and they had both been hurt too many times in the past to risk themselves so quickly. He knew why she was doing this now. She was certain that either one or both of them wasn't going to make it home in the morning. She wanted to do this because she thought it was going to be their last chance.  
  
"Buffy we don't have to..." He began, wanting to tell her there was no need to rush, that they would have all the time in the world...but all reassurances were stuck in his throat. He couldn't tell her what he was unsure of himself.  
  
Buffy walked up to him, gently taking his head in her hands, locking her gaze with his. "Make love to me Spike." She whispered. He felt the warm brush of her breath against his lips and knew that he was lost. Closing his eyes, he brought his hand up and tangled it in Buffy's hair. He groaned when he felt her tongue dart out and touch his cool lips. Wrapping his arms around her, Spike pulled Buffy down on top of him onto the bed. Buffy felt Spike's cool hands under her shirt, causing her to shiver. Her movement, in turn, caused Spike to become even more aroused than he was due to kissing Buffy. Spike began to nip and lick at her neck, and then pushed her gently into a sitting position straddling his thighs so he could remove her top. He immediately put his mouth over one exposed nipple, suckling it.  
  
Buffy thrust her hips in response to the pleasure Spike was creating. She ran her hands through his short hair, pressing him to her. Spike moved from one breast to the other, kissing and licking a path down one full, tanned globe and up the other. He lightly bit her nipple with his blunt teeth, tugging on it, making her rub her hips forward again. Her fingers tightened around the material of his tee shirt, and she moaned in the back of her throat. Spike licked up from her breast along the column of her throat until he reached her mouth. He plunged his tongue inside the moist cavern of her mouth, sweeping her into a desire-filled kiss.  
  
Gently lifting Buffy off his lap, Spike laid her down before stripping off his shirt and shoes, giving Buffy the opportunity to remove the rest of her clothes as well. Leaning over her, still wearing his jeans, Spike began kissing Buffy again, running his hands up and down her body, loving the feel of her warm skin. He felt Buffy's hand on his back, scratching him lightly with her nails.  
  
"Please," Buffy said breathlessly, arching up against Spike with her hips when he moved his lips to her neck.  
  
Spike leaned back and looked into her desire filled eyes. "You sure, luv?" Buffy nodded and reached for the fastening of his jeans. "You are so beautiful," Spike told her once he was divested of his clothes, running his gaze over her naked form before leaning into kiss her once more.  
  
He moved over her, into her, not once breaking the kiss. The love he held for her he tried to show with each thrust, with each sweep of his tongue against hers, with each tear that fell silently down his cheek at knowing this could be their one and only time together, the salty taste mingling with the kiss.  
  
Finally, he raised his head to look down at her. Her fingers brushed the tears on his cheeks, the gentle touch causing him to have to choke back a sob. He quickly hid his face near her neck, and he felt her hands stroke the back of his hair. Shifting, his hand found her most sensitive spot and he brought her to a quiet climax, her whisper of his name on her lips. After he'd followed her into his own climax, she held his trembling body close to her.  
  
"I love you."  
  
...  
  
When the Scooby's had left, Willow and Tara promising to be back as soon as they had packed a bag, Dawn slowly walked to Buffy's room. It was there that she found the quietly sobbing vampire curled around Buffy's pillow, lost in a grief Dawn couldn't imagine. She knew nothing she could say would make it better for either of them; she knew it wouldn't even help to try. Rather than try to find some inadequate words to soothe him, she moved to the edge of the bed and shuffled back so she rested against the headboard. If Spike was aware of her presence he didn't show it. Gently she pulled him closer to her until his head rested in her lap and stroked his hair, offering what little comfort she could.  
  
A/N: Please don't hate me! Don't worry – you know she comes back! 


	24. The high cost of living

Disclaimer: Not mine etc.  
  
A/N: I'm afraid I have bad news. I've got a lot of RL work on for the next week so I'm afraid updates aren't going to be as regular for a few days – Don't worry too much though, I'm not going anywhere! Some of this dialogue is taken directly from Afterlife. Thanks for the reviews people – love you all!  
  
Chapter 22: The high cost of living  
  
It had been 147 days since Buffy had been gone. 147 fitful nights woken by nightmares. 147 days of watching over Dawn. 147 nights fighting side by side with the Scooby's. 147 times he'd had to convince himself not to take a day light stroll! It hadn't been this bad when Drusilla had gone. He tried to think of what he'd done to make the pain less at the time, then he remembered he'd had Buffy to make it better and that just made him feel worse. It had been Dawn who'd eventually managed to coax him out of Buffy's room to eat. He wouldn't have bothered himself but Dawn had broken down, yelling at him that she had lost everyone else and he wasn't allowed to leave her as well. So he'd pulled himself out of his stupor for her.  
  
He'd eventually gone back to his crypt; it had eventually become too painful to be there. Not to mention the hateful glances Xander sent his way whenever they were unable to avoid each other. Spike had tried to stay silent and let the whelp think what he wanted. He didn't care if he had their acceptance and he'd never sought it...it had been what Buffy wanted and now she was gone. One day however he'd snapped, unable to help himself.  
  
Xander had felt enough time had passed for the vampire to get over whatever fixation he'd had with the slayer and had told him to leave, to let Dawn grieve in peace. Spike hadn't bothered to point out that he'd been planning on going back to his crypt anyway; he'd just shrugged and gone to find Dawn to tell her he was going. Xander of course had of course though that he'd won some kind of victory over the vampire and had used it as an excuse to taunt him, telling Spike he'd turned into a wuss now his girlfriend wasn't around to stand up for him any more. That in its self hadn't bothered Spike so much. It had been the whispered comment under his breath about Spike only having wanted Buffy as a bodyguard that had sent Spike into a rage.  
  
It had been pretty pathetic as far as rages went. He'd only hit Xander once, breaking his nose. But it had been enough for the Scooby's to withdraw any ground he might have gained with them. Spike tried to care but he couldn't muster the effort. He'd found it almost amusing that despite their obvious distrust and subtle hints that he should get out of Sunnydale they still looked to him to watch over Dawn and to patrol with them every night. Good enough to use as muscle but not good enough to love Buffy. He would have laughed if it hadn't been so tragic.  
  
But now he wasn't miserable, he was furious. He'd ordered Dawn to stay safe inside when the gang of biker demons had come to won upon hearing of the slayers demise, but naturally she hadn't listened. She'd run off somewhere for God knows what reason and he was livid. He'd fought off the group that had been ravaging that neighbourhood and had returned to check on Dawn and she hadn't been there. He'd tried to follow her scent, killing everything in his path but he'd found himself going in circles winding up back at 1630 Revello.  
  
"Dawn!" he yelled, coming through the door. "Dawn are you there?"  
  
"I'm here." he heard her call and he breathed out a sigh of relief as he saw her coming down the stairs.  
  
"Thank God!" Spike breathed unnecessarily. "You scared me half to death...well more to death. I could kill you!" It wasn't an exaggeration. He'd already lost two Summers women; he didn't want to loose the other one – unless he was the one who killed her for doing something foolish!  
  
"Spike..." Dawn tried to interrupt to no avail, Spike was on a roll!  
  
"I mean it!" he ranted, "I could rip your head off once handed and drink from the brain stem!"  
  
Dawn winced at the imagery and held little doubt that he was serious. Spike rarely got angry with her and whenever he did it was serious. Fortunately she was pretty sure she had something that would calm him down this time. "Look." She instructed softly, indicating the figure that was slowly descending the stairs behind her.  
  
Spike looked behind Dawn and instantly did a double take. Any anger he had been feeling suddenly disappeared, replaced with wonder and confusion. Walking towards him was none other than Buffy. Part of him wanted to run and grab her in his arms and never let go. Part of him screamed that this was some cruel nightmare and wanted to fall to the floor in a quivering heap. All he could do was watch her, an expression of overwhelming awe on his face.  
  
"She's kind of erm..." Dawn began, unsure how to explain this more subdued Buffy. "She's been through a lot, with the death. But I think she's ok." Dawn looked back to spike to see his reaction, but he hadn't moved. He was simply staring at the impossible vision before him. "Spike, are you ok?" Dawn asked when the vampire had been silent and motionless for far too long.  
  
"I am." He muttered quietly, not taking his eyes off Buffy. "What did you do?"  
  
"Me?" Dawn squeaked, surprised. "Nothing!"  
  
Letting his gaze drift to take all of her in, spike frowned. "Her hands." They were cut and bleeding. As soon as she heard him however. Buffy was quick to hide them from him.  
  
"I was gonna fix them." Dawn insisted. "I don't know how they got like that."  
  
"I do." Spike said quietly, not really speaking to anyone in particular. He knew what she had had to do and it made him feel sick to think about it. How could anyone have put her through that? "Clawed her way out of a coffin that's how! Isn't that right?"  
  
"Yeah." Buffy mumbled, obviously uncomfortable. "That's what I had to do."  
  
"Done it myself." Spike told her, the barest hit of a smile on his lips. Spike sent Dawn off to get bandages and cream for her hands while he led Buffy into the living room. He knew just from looking at her that something was very wrong. Before she had been gone, whenever he walked into a room she would greet him with a smile and a kiss. She was bubbly and full of life. This girl now sitting opposite him barely even seemed to recognise him. He was desperate to grab her in his arms and tell her how much he had missed her, how happy he was that she was back, how much he still loved her...but he got the feeling it wouldn't help to hear that right now. But he'd tell her as soon as she was more like her old self.  
  
Gently he lifted her hands to inspect them more closely, he was really gonna kill whoever had put her through this!  
  
"How long was I gone?" She asked suddenly, startling Spike out of his thoughts.  
  
"147 days yesterday, 148 today." He answered quickly, not even needing to think about it. "Except this morning doesn't count does it?"  
  
Before either of them could say anything else, Xander, Anya, Willow and Tara ran through the door as Dawn came back with handfuls of bandages. Suddenly there seemed to be a hundred voices speaking at once.  
  
"Is she here?"  
  
"She's here!"  
  
"You're here!"  
  
"We didn't know where you were!"  
  
"You ran away!"  
  
"Buffy!"  
  
"Are you ok?"  
  
Spike felt like snorting at the last one. *Does she bloody well look ok? * he thought to himself. Instead of voicing his opinion and adding to the noise of the room however, he simply stood up and moved to the doorway, giving her more space.  
  
"You knew she was back?" Dawn asked the assembled Scooby's. She was answered by a series of head nods. "How did you know?"  
  
Spike didn't have to wait for the answer to that one. He knew exactly how they knew. He was glad he'd moved away else somebody would have been dead. He knew they didn't trust him, but even after he had worked beside them all summer they hadn't told him what they were planning. They knew how much he had grieved for her and they had kept this from him! "We did a spell." Willow informed Dawn.  
  
"You're not a zombie are you?"  
  
"ANYA!"  
  
"Are you in pain?"  
  
"What do you remember?"  
  
"What do you know about what happened?"  
  
Spike growled at this latest round of questions. He could see Buffy shrinking back into the couch. This powerful girl seemed so intimidated right then by the humans surrounding her.  
  
"Back off!" He ordered. Couldn't they see what a state she was in? Xander sneered at Spike and looked as if he was about to come up with a comeback when he was cut off by Dawn.  
  
"He's right guys. Give her some room!" Xander reluctantly nodded. "Is she going to be ok?"  
  
"I'm ok." Buffy mumbled but none of the Scooby's seemed to hear her, too busy wrapped up in their questions to actually hear the answers. Buffy glanced over to where Spike stood leaning against the doorframe, his anger coming off him in waves. Buffy gave him a pleading look and he nodded imperceptibly, knowing what she meant without having to ask. He slipped out of the door unnoticed by everyone else...  
  
Spike sat on his newly acquired motorbike and waited. He didn't have to wait long. Soon he glanced towards the house and saw Buffy climbing out of her bedroom window having made her escape. She quickly ran over to where Spike was and jumped on the back of the bike, wrapping her arms around him. Spike started the bike and headed away from Revello. He didn't tell her where they were going and she didn't ask. All she wanted was to be somewhere else.  
  
Some time later Spike brought them to a stop along the hills over looking Sunnydale. He came up here sometimes to think. There was a beautiful view on clear nights like tonight. You could see the whole town. For the longest time neither of them spoke, just sat and looked at the world in front of them. Both were silent for their own reasons.  
  
"Spike?" Buffy spoke at last.  
  
"Yeah pet?"  
  
"If I ask you something will you promise to tell me the truth?" She asked quietly.  
  
"I haven't been able to lie to you for a long time Buffy." He reminded her. She nodded, accepting this as truth. She took a deep breath before asking her question, and Spike knew that whatever she was going to ask was important. He only hoped he could give her the right answer.  
  
"Were you involved in bringing me back?" She asked, her tone serious. "Did you have anything to do with it?"  
  
"No." he replied. "I didn't know a thing about it until I saw you tonight."  
  
"Good." She replied quietly. "I don't think I could handle having to balme you as well."  
  
Spike was puzzled. "What do you mean Buffy?"  
  
When she looked at him there were tears in her eyes. "I was happy Spike. I was in heaven and they pulled me out of there!"  
  
"Oh God." Spike choked, the sick feeling from earlier coming back tenfold. The happiest day of his life was the worst day of hers. The worst part was that as much as he tried, he couldn't force himself to be sorry that she was back and he felt terrible for it.  
  
They sat in silence for a long time after that, both lost in their own thoughts. Eventually however, the sunrise came close enough to force Spike to find shelter. As he dropped Buffy off out side of her house on his way back to his crypt he could stay silent no longer. He felt so selfish for asking yet not doing so was tearing him apart.  
  
"Buffy," he began quietly. "Do you..." Before he could finish however, Buffy silenced him with a finger against his lips.  
  
"Yes Spike," she told him, knowing what he was going to ask, "I do still love you. But things can't just go back to the way they were before. I need..." She trailed off, unsure how to explain.  
  
"Time?" Spike suggested.  
  
Buffy nodded. "Wait for me?"  
  
Spike smiled softly. "Forever if I have to."  
  
Buffy smiled back. "It wont be forever." She told him.  
  
"However long you need." Spike reassured her. "I love you, I always will."  
  
With a last squeeze of his hand Buffy leaned forward she placed a gentle kiss on his cheek and headed back to the house.  
  
A/N: Hope that wasn't too crap! I was fighting writers block for ages! Ah well – more Spuffy soon! 


	25. Making a decision

Disclaimer: Nothing is mine dammit!

A/N: Right, the song in this chapter is behind blue eyes. You can say I pilfered it from either limp bizkit or The Who (they're essentially the same except the who version had more verses!). I think I was listening to the limp bizkit one at the time though. OK this chapter is told in alternating points of view – Buffy and Spike obviously. I know it's different but I'm in one of those moods!

Chapter 23: Making a decision

It's quiet in the bronze tonight. I wouldn't have bothered coming except I knew Buffy was going to be here. She's over there dancing with the Whelp and demon girl. She knows I'm here – gave me one of her smiles when she spotted me, and I know she'll probably kiss me if I can get her on her own at some point. It's not as easy as I would like unfortunately. The Scooby's seem to surround her like the soddin' palace guard whenever I'm around.

She's been back for nearly a month now. She hasn't told any of her 'friends' (and I use the tern loosely) where she was yet. They're still happy in their delusion that they played the gallant hero's and pulled her out of some hell dimension. I just think they're in denial. Can't they tell how more subdued she is now than she was before? Can't they see the resentment towards them behind her eyes? I know she tries to hide it well; maybe I'm just that good at reading her…nah, I'm thinking it's denial!

The watcher came back. At least he noticed she wasn't quiet right. I don't think he's quite twigged yet either, but he had more of a clue than the Scooby's. I'd talk to him about it if I thought he would listen. But he's of the same opinion as the rest of them when it comes to my involvement with the slayer. I'm evil and soulless and they need to protect her from me.

_No one knows what it's like  
To be the bad man  
To be the sad man  
Behind blue eyes_

Spike = Vampire = Dangerous. They're so narrow-minded! It doesn't seem to matter what the slayer wants as long as she's doing what _they_ want her to do. She looks so beautiful tonight. I love it when she wears her leather pants! God I wish I could go over there and dance with her. It tears me apart to be this close and not be able to hold her in my arms. I've been doing that for her a lot recently, when the nightmares come or when the world just seems too much. She'll sneak away when the witches are asleep (Dawn's in the know of course) and come see me in the crypt. She says she prefers it there because all her memories from there are happy ones! We're definitely still 'a thing' as she calls it, but we're not telling the Scooby's this time. 

  
_No one knows what it's like  
To be hated  
To be fated  
To telling only lies_

We don't want another repeat of last times fiasco. We're happy, Dawn's happy – that's all that matters. Buffy has enough on her mind without dealing with their petty minded arguments. The whelp came to see me the day after she came back to warn me not to start up my 'obsession' again now she was back. Wanker! No matter how many times I told him how much I loved her before she left and over the summer he wouldn't believe a word of it, said I was just playing mind games with her. I might have gotten to her before she died because she was vulnerable but I wasn't getting near her this time – they were going to make sure of it! Damn fine job they've been doing during the day. They've even tried to do patrols with her but she always ditches them in the end and then it's just the two of us.

  
_But my dreams  
They aren't as empty  
As my conscience seems to be_  
  


Of course I really don't care what the Scooby's think…but sometimes I do wonder what it would be like if we could be together openly, if Buffy didn't have to worry about loosing people she cares about because of her feelings. When we're together though, it's as if the rest of the world melts away and all there is, is us. Nothing else matters. Even if we're just lying together in silence we're happy. 

  
_I have hours; only lonely  
My love is vengeance  
That's never free_  
  


God the hours I've spent plotting the horrible hideous deaths of those Scooby's. It gives me something to do when I can't get to Buffy. She says they can't know yet, that they're not strong enough to handle that news yet. I say bollocks! If they were strong enough to do the magic they're strong enough to deal with the consequences of their actions. Oh she's coming over to the bar now…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
_No one knows what it's like  
To feel these feelings  
Like I do  
And I blame you_

It's hard work to keep this smile plastered on my face, to make them think that everything is ok, that I don't sometimes wish I could just shake them and say 'do you know what you've done to me?' Spike thinks I should tell them. He thinks it'll help me heal. Maybe he's right. But I can't handle all the tears and guilt trips that will come with it. It's bad enough that they watch me all the time to try and keep Spike away from me, what will they be like if they think they have to worry about me slitting my wrists all the time. Oh I thought about it for a few hours, until I saw Spike again.

  
_  
No one bites back as hard  
On their anger  
None of my pain and woe  
Can show through  
  
_

It takes all of my restraint not to slap Xander when he makes those snide comments to Spike or about him. I tell him to shut up and remind him of all the good things Spike has done…but the second the words leave my mouth they get uber protective all over again! Now they know his chip has gone they're even more wary of him than they were before. When I didn't leap into his arms the second I was out of the coffin they assumed I was over him and they want to keep it that way. I know they've been threatening Spike too. I've heard Willow and Xander talking about a spell they can use against him since Xander and Giles can't take advantage of the chip anymore.

  
_But my dreams  
They aren't as empty  
As my conscience seems to be_

I think I should feel bad about lying to these people who have been my friends for years but I don't. They think they did this wonderful thing by bringing me back, and now they're trying to keep me away from the one thing that makes being alive worth while. I think that's the only thing I missed while I was in heaven. Spike. And the closest I come to heaven now I'm here is when I'm with Spike. When I'm in that state where I'm not completely asleep but I'm not quite awake either and I'm in his arms, I feel warm, safe, and loved. Sounds a lot like heaven to me! So why should I feel bad about not telling them some stuff when I know they'd try and take it away from me?

  
_I have hours; only lonely  
My love is vengeance  
That's never free_

I'm gonna go over to the bar and talk to him. None of the others have spotted him yet. I've been away from him for too long. He smiles at me when I get there. One of those special Spike smiles reserved just for me. He takes my hand and lifts it to his lips, those oh so soft lips. Suddenly it seems a travesty that I haven't taken him to bed yet. Yes we've slept together since I got back but we haven't _slept_ together. If he can bring me heaven by holding me imagine what he can do when other body parts besides arms are involved! Screw the Scooby's and their 'lets be happy at the bronze' party, I'm going to do what I want to do tonight and I don't care who knows! I give him that smile that tells him exactly what is going to happen. His eyes get a fraction wider until the surprise wears off and is replaced by his sexy smirk. I don't resist when he grabs my hand and starts pulling me out of the bronze and towards his crypt, I don't notice if anyone knows I've just left without saying a word…and right now I don't really care.

  
   
A/N: Meh…I'm very tired right now…will write nice smutty spuffyness when I've slept…don't forget to review! Love you all!


	26. Taking back my life

Disclaimer: Not mine.

A/N: hey guys I know it's been a while but lack of inspiration and cruel, sadistic assignment schedules have been taking up most of my time. Hopefully this chapter will make up for my absence! This is DEFINITELY R!!!! Oh and the song is Bring me to life by evanescence.

Chapter 24: Taking back my life

Neither Buffy nor Spike could explain how they had gotten from the door of his crypt down to the lower level and lost all of their clothes in the process without actually having stopped their frantic kissing. This wasn't just a 'God I'm horny!' kiss, or an 'I'm glad to see you!' kiss. This was pure, unadulterated passion. Months of repressed longing and forced abstinence freeing one from the necessity of breathing and the other from worrying about being gentle. Lips were bruised and bitten, tongues duelled furiously, yet despite the fury, neither doubted the fierce love radiating from the other in that kiss. 

_How can you see into my eyes like open doors  
leading you down into my core  
where I've become so numb _

When they finally broke apart their foreheads rested together as they stared into each other's eyes, seeing down into the fiery depths that now consumed them both. Buffy had to gasp as she beheld the raging emotions swirling in the blue orbs, darkened with lust and desire.

_without a soul _

_my spirit sleeping somewhere cold   
until you find it there and lead it back home_  
  


Spike could look into those eyes forever and never tire of the sight. But now was not the time for lingering gazes and tender 'I love yous'. They'd done all of that already, now it was time to show her just what she did to him.

  
_(Wake me up)  
Wake me up inside  
(I can't wake up)  
Wake me up inside_

_(Save me)_

Before Buffy knew what was happening she was roughly pushed onto the edge of the bed with a lusty vampire between her legs, eager to get to work. Buffy's eyes were squeezed tightly shut, hands grasping at the sheets. The first brush of his lips made her fall back onto the bed, hips arching towards him with a small whimper. His tongue flicked her throbbing clit, and then ran along both of her feminine lips before thrusting into her hot core. "Please." she begged as his tongue continued to explore. He stopped suddenly only to attack her clit with his blunt teeth and tongue. He latched onto the swollen nub, suckling it, flicking it over and over. She started to move her hips, rubbing against his face as her orgasm built to a fiery crescendo. She flew over the precipice, white lights flashing behind her eyes. So powerful was her climax that she couldn't form a coherent word as a pleasure filled scream tore from her throat. It had definitely been too long! 

  
_call my name and save me from the dark  
(Wake me up)  
bid my blood to run  
(I can't wake up)  
before I come undone  
(Save me)  
save me from the nothing I've become_

Spike rose up to smirk at her, male pride spread over his face as he took in the twitching form of the slayer. God she was beautiful after she came…well she was always beautiful, but never had he seen her look more radiant. When she came back to her senses she raised her head to look at him, grinning. "Was that good luv?" He purred, knowing what the answer was. Buffy however didn't answer. Spike was somewhat shocked when she wrapped her legs around his waist and flipped him over her so he landed on the other side of the bed, Buffy now straddling him.

"Very good." Buffy finally breathed, smiling down at him as he gazed up at her, a look of awe on his face. "Now I'm going to show you how good!" Spike's eyes rolled back as Buffy wriggled back, then bending forward she licked the tip of his cock, wrapping her small hand around the base. The low growl of pleasure and the thrusting of his hips was all she needed to know he was enjoying her ministrations. She lavished the tip with her tongue, then sucked it into her mouth.

"Fuck, Buffy" Spike whimpered as she took more of him slowly into her mouth. She began bobbing her head, running her tongue and teeth over him as she tried to pleasure him as he always did her and it wasn't long before "Buffy, I'm cumming" was growled. He tried to pull her away, but Buffy would have none of it, swallowing all he had to offer.  
  
_Now that I know what I'm without  
you can't just leave me  
breathe into me and make me real  
bring me to life  
  
_

When he had taken the requisite few seconds for his vampire stamina to recover Spike roughly grabbed Buffy by the shoulders and pulled her up for a punishing kiss, each of them tasting themselves as their tongues met.

"Do you have any idea what you do to me?" Spike panted as he finally let Buffy up for air.

"Only the same that you do to me." She breathed in return. She locked her gaze with his once more so he would see the sincerity with which she said these next words. Spike instantly knew what she was going to say was important to her somehow, that she needed to get it out. He just watched and waited. "You make me feel alive Spike." She told him at last. "I've been so numb since I…came back…but when I'm with you it's like I'm more alive than I've ever been, even before I died. I need you. Always."

  
_(Wake me up)  
Wake me up inside  
(I can't wake up)  
Wake me up inside  
(Save me)_

"You'll always have me Buffy." Spike replied, reaching up to gently run the backs of his fingers over her cheek. Buffy leaned into his touch and brought her hand up to his, lacing their fingers together. "I'm never going anywhere."

"I know that." She told him gently, "But…" She trailed off, nibbling her lower lip nervously, drawing a frown from Spike.

"But what luv?" He coaxed gently. 

Buffy took a deep breath, gathering her courage before she spoke her next words.

"I want you to claim me Spike."

_  
call my name and save me from the dark  
(Wake me up)  
bid my blood to run  
(I can't wake up)  
before I come undone  
(Save me)  
save me from the nothing I've become_

Spike blinked. Very slowly. Had she really just said what he thought she'd said?

"Spike did you hear me?" she asked with a puzzled frown. "I sad I wanted you to claim me."

Fuck yes she really had said it!!!! 

She wanted him to claim her, to make her his for as long as they lived…or unlived in his case. In all his years with Dru he'd never claimed her. He'd wanted to but she'd belonged to Angelus…who had never claimed the golden goddess now watching him worriedly for any kind of reaction. Hell yes he wanted to claim her, had ever since he'd realised he was in love with her. But did she know what she was asking?

"Buffy, if I claim you there's no hiding, there's no pretending to the Scooby's that there's nothing between us anymore. It's a permanent thing Buffy…and with the biting it's also kind of visible!" He told her calmly.

Buffy simply smiled. "I know that Spike. That's why I asked. I don't want to hide anymore, I can't hide anymore."

Shocked was an understatement of Spike's reaction. Overjoyed also figured into the equation, but hadn't it only been a week ago that she'd been so eager to avoid the tears and recriminations of going public? "Why now Buffy?" He asked, hoping she'd give him the answer he longed to hear.  
  
_Bring me to life  
(I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside)  
Bring me to life_  
  


"You're the reason I'm alive spike. If not for you I'd be nothing…and I need the world to see that. I need to be with you all the time instead of hiding with you whenever we can escape for five minutes. If we do this then they'll know we're for real." She explained.

"So you just want me to do it to convince your friends I'm not just using you for incredibly wonderful sex?" Spike teased, smirk firmly in place.

_  
Frozen inside without your touch without your love darling only you are the life among the dead_

"I want it because I love you," She told him firmly, and then seemed to waver. "Unless you don't want to…eep!"

Buffy's sentence was cut off as she was suddenly flipped over onto her back with Spike now pinning her to the bed. Buffy suddenly felt the hardness she had in her mouth moments before now deep within her core. Spike grabbed her hands and pulled them above her head as he thrust into her, capturing both wrists in one hand. He brought his other hand between them, moving down into her folds to stroke her throbbing clit. Already on edge from their heightened emotions, she could feel her climax building already, her head smashing up into the mattress as she yelled out in mindless pleasure. She felt his fangs pierce the delicate skin of her neck as he continued to pump into her, thrusting up into her to the hilt.  
  
_All this time I can't believe I couldn't see  
kept in the dark but you were there in front of me  
I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems  
got to open my eyes to everything_

The sudden double penetration sparked something in Buffy that she had never felt before. The primal scream was ripped from her throat as the intensity of her climax built into that rarest of all pleasures, the multiple orgasm, shaking her to her very core. Fire works exploded behind her eyes, her limbs became lead and weightless at the same time. She bucked and thrashed beneath him wildly, his hard thrusts never ceasing.

  
_Without a thought without a voice without a soul  
don't let me die here  
there must be something more  
bring me to life_  
  


Never in his wildest dreams would Spike have ever believed this was possible. The sweet blood of the slayer coursing down his throat yet he didn't want to drain her dry, to extinguish that fire he loved with every fibre of his being. God if he made her feel alive then what the hell was she doing to him? He pumped once, twice more into her white hot core before he was following her into the oblivion induced by mind numbing pleasure, ripping his fangs from her neck as he roared out his release for the world to hear.

  
_(Wake me up)  
Wake me up inside  
(I can't wake up)  
Wake me up inside  
(Save me)  
call my name and save me from the dark_

"Mine" He growled against her ear as reality came swimming back, gently lapping at his mark on her neck to close the wound.

"Yours." She breathed in return.

"Always."

"Forever."

_  
(Wake me up)  
bid my blood to run  
(I can't wake up)  
before I come undone  
(Save me)  
save me from the nothing I've become_

It was done. Their second union hadn't been gentle and it hadn't been tender. This time there would be plenty of time for hearts and flowers later. This had been about passion and the totality of their joining, about the power of their love.  He was hers and she was his and nothing could ever come between them again. As Spike shifted back into his human features to gaze at the flushed beauty beneath him, her love for him shining in her eyes, he knew he wouldn't have it any other way.

_  
(Bring me to life)  
I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside   
(Bring me to life)_

Spike smiled and rolled off of her onto his back, pulling her against him where she pillowed her head on his chest, drawing idle patterns on his cool skin.

"Love you." She mumbled sleepily, the exertion their acts catching up with her at last.

"Love you too kitten." He replied equally as sleepily, squeezing her just that little bit closer for emphasis and placing a soft kiss on the top of her head

"Oh my God!" Came a shocked voice from the steps leading to the upper level. Both Spike and Buffy shot up at the unexpected intrusion, suddenly feeling much more awake.

"Riley?"

A/N: Was that evil? Was that chapter very crap? – I'm not great at smut! I know the whole claiming thing has been done before but I just wanted to emphasise 'yes they do love each other that much!' I'm not planning on making a big deal out of it other than the whole – totally devoted thing…okay I'll stop with the insane rambling now...l love you all and please let me know what you think!


	27. Just deserts

Disclaimer: Yes I actually have spike in my room right now, he's all mine and I'm not sharing…what do you mean I'm lying?

A/N: Ok warning – this chapter is crap and should not be read by anyone. I'm just finding it hard to get back into the habit of writing fic when I've had to write essays for the last two weeks. Hopefully I'll get better so please don't hate me too much. Love you all!

Chapter 25: Just deserts

"Riley?" Buffy repeated incredulously, grabbing the sheet to wrap around her nude form

"Buffy." Riley replied stiffly, not looking at her and blatantly ignoring Spike, the disgust coming off him in waves.

Spike remained silent, just watching. He didn't know whether to be happy that soldier boy had caught them, rub his nose in the fact that Buffy was his, or be worried. Sure Buffy had told him before she was the one who had dumped Riley and that he was the one she loved now – hell she'd even let him claim her! But there was always going to be that nagging little voice in the back of his head. It had been a good five minutes and still no one seemed to have moved.

"What are you doing here?" Buffy asked at last, her tone neutral, not giving anything away. 

"Tracking a demon." Riley replied, still refusing to look at her. 

"That explains why you're in Sunnydale." Buffy commented, her voice becoming cool, "But not why you are in Spike's crypt!" When Riley didn't answer Buffy began to get annoyed. "What were you going to do Riley?"

"Only what you should have done years ago!" Riley spat, looking at her at last. The contempt on his face made Buffy laugh.

"Still not over your Spike jealousy I see!" She chuckled. "Oh yeah, that reminds me." With three strides Buffy was in front of Riley hitting him square in the Jaw with enough force to knock him unconscious.

"Err not that I'm complaining luv," Spike commented from across the room "but was there a reason for that?"

"I still owed him for what he did to you before he left." she replied matter of factly, walking back into Spike's arms. "I'm kind of disappointed it only took one shot to knock him out. I wanted to play with him!"

Spike laughed, falling just that little bit more in love with her every second. "That's my girl!"

"Yeah." Replied Buffy wistfully, her fingers reaching up to touch the healing bite mark on her neck. "I really am."

Spike kissed her then. He still couldn't believe she had let him place a claim on her, that not only had she accepted but also she was actually the one who had asked for it. Now everyone would know she was his for life. He only wished she could return it the same way a vampiress would be able to, but sadly the lack of fangs made that not exactly possible. For now it was enough that his claim on her was binding.

"We should probably get dressed." Buffy announced with a sigh when they pulled apart.

"But I like naked Buffy!" Spike pouted.

"And I like naked Spike," Buffy supplied, but do you really want Riley ogling my goodies?" Spike's possessive growl was her answer, quickly followed by his reaching for their clothes.

Just as Buffy was doing up her shirt and Spike was slipping into his jeans another presence made itself known.

"Oh my God Riley?" 

Buffy's brow furrowed as she took in the female commando who had dropped into the lower level of the crypt and was now bending over the slowly coming to Riley. Suddenly the women seemed to notice that she wasn't alone and turned to face the fully dressed Buffy and shirtless Spike. Quickly she pulled a cross and held it towards Buffy who was standing slightly nearer. Spike smirked and Buffy raised an eyebrow in question.

"Why are you pointing that thing at me?" She asked. "I'm not a vampire!"

"But…" The woman looked between the Spike and Buffy, apparently very confused. "Riley said this was a nest…"

Spike laughed. "Not quite a nest luv." He told her "Just me." When the cross was quickly pointed at Spike who didn't even dignify the gesture with a flinch, Buffy rolled her eyes.

"Yes he's a vampire and no he's not going to hurt any one." She told the woman. "I was the one who knocked Riley out."

"But you're just a girl!" the woman said, incredulous. 

""I'd be insulted if I were you slayer." Spike supplied. 

The woman's eyes widened. "You're the slayer? But I thought you killed vampires!"

"I do." Buffy replied, already bored with this conversation. "Just not the ones I'm in love with."

"You're in love with that monster?!" Riley cried, finally coming round.

"Yes I am." Buffy told him dangerously. "And if you don't want to be unconscious again you'll be careful what you say about him! Now what are you doing here?"

"We were tracking a demon," The woman supplied "But Riley said there was a nest here. He was going to empty it out while I followed the demon."

"What kind of demon?" Buffy asked, already planning a punishment for Riley for his intention of killing spike. Not that she believed for a second that he could have pulled it off  - please! Spike would have kicked his ass in seconds!

"Doesn't matter, its dead." She replied, helping Riley to his feet.

"On your own? Well done!" Buffy asked.

"I'm well trained. I'm Sam by the way." The woman beamed at praise form the slayer, apparently not caring that there was still a vampire in the room. If the slayer said it was ok then it was ok.

"Nice to meet you." Buffy replied "But Riley let you go take on a demon alone while he came here to try and kill Spike? I guess he got over his me man must protect little woman routine!"

Recognition flashed in Sam's eyes. "You're Buffy and Spike!"

"Give the girl a cookie." Spike snarked. "What about it?"

But Sam didn't reply, she just turned to Riley, punching him on the other side of his jaw, sending him flat on his ass. "You ass hole!!" She screamed. "You said you were over her! You send me after a demon that could have killed me while you satisfy your macho male pride?"

"Again, not that I'm complaining," Spike commented. "But what did captain cardboard do toy piss you off?"

Sam fumed. "When we got together he told me his last girlfriend Buffy, ran off with some guy Spike. Of course he forgot to mention that Buffy was the slayer and Spike was a vampire!" Sam kicked Riley again for good measure.

Buffy laughed. "You want the real story?" Sam nodded. "I dumped Riley because he was a possessive, judgemental moron. I wasn't even with Spike at the time but of course Spike being a vampire naturally deserves to be beaten to a pulp while he can't defend himself just so Riley can feel like a big man. Not big enough to hang around though. He skipped town right after!"

Sam looked disgusted, looking towards Spike for conformation. He just nodded. "I can't believe you!" She yelled at Riley "Everything you've ever told me was a lie! We're finished." With that she kicked him once more and went to leave. Once she reached the upper level once more however she stuck her head back down through the hole. "And your lousy in bed too!"

Spike laughed hysterically when Buffy commented that she would have to agree…

"You know," Spike commented several hours later, "I almost felt sorry for soldier boy!"

"Really?" Buffy asked sleepily from her position on his chest as she curled her self around him after hours of exhausting lovemaking.

"Almost." He replied. "I mean first you knock him out, then his woman dumps him and beat him a bit more, then you give him a proper going over before he leaves…you know love I think you broke his nose!"

"Don't care!" Buffy mumbled, sleep edging closer. 

"Think he'll the Scooby's about us?" Spike asked. 

Buffy shrugged. "Does it matter?"

"Not at all." Spike replied softly kissing Buffy's head as he pulled her closer, settling down to sleep. "Not at all."

A/N:  I know it's short and anti climactic but I was just in the mood for some mindless Riley bashing because he got off waaaay to easily when he left town last time and I wanted a little interlude before the big storm that you know is coming! You know, like a time out. Hope I haven't put you off. Love you all! 


	28. Counting down

Disclaimer: Maybe if I close my eyes and wish real hard something other than the plot will actually belong to me…but I seriously doubt it!

A/N: Well here's the storm I was telling you about. Hope you haven't gotten bored with me already! Please let me know what you think – love you all and appreciate all the feedback I get!

Chapter 26: Counting down…

Xander had been pacing the floor of his apartment for the last hour – ever since Riley had left! At first he'd been happy to see Riley after spending so long as the only male in the group, and with Riley around again maybe Buffy would have gotten over this weird Spike fixation she seemed to have. But all of his hopes had been quickly dashed when Riley had told him what he'd seen down in Spike's crypt. Just the thought of it made Xander's flesh crawl! Buffy had not only let that _thing_ touch her, but claim her as well! She thought she was in love with him! Xander had thanked Riley for the information then spent the last hour trying to figure out exactly what had happened. Obviously Spike had done something to Buffy, he was sure Spike didn't have a thrall like Dracula – but a spell maybe! Yes that must be it! A Spell to make Buffy his sex slave or something similarly depraved!

The next question was obviously what were they going to do about this? Once Buffy came to her right mind she would be furious that Spike had gotten away with this and they had to find a way to end this as quickly as possible. Willow! She would know what to do; she would be able to break any spell Spike might have thought up! Xander quickly ran to the phone and dialled the number he knew from memory…

"Morning." Buffy mumbled against Spike's bare chest as she awoke that evening. 

"Morning luv." Spike replied, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "You ready to get up?"

"Wanna stay here!" Buffy grumbled, snuggling closer to Spike, wrapping one of her arms around his waist to emphasise her point.

Spike chuckled. "You're the one who wanted to go talk to the Scooby's today!"

Buffy sighed, rolling on to her back next to Spike, staring at the ceiling. "Do we have to?" she asked.

Spike shrugged and rolled onto his side to face her. "Well I don't really give a toss if I never speak to any of them again, but I thought you wanted to tell them about us."

"I do." Buffy admitted. "But I just know they're gonna over react and make a big deal out of it!"

"So we tell them we're happy and sod what they think!" He replied. "We know Dawn's happy about it and she's the only one who matters other than us!"

"I guess you're right." Buffy sighed "But do we have to go right now?"

Spike grinned devilishly. "Well," he purred, "I can think of better things to do first!" Without another word Spike began placing gentle kisses on the golden skin left uncovered by the sheet bunched at Buffy's waist. She writhed beneath him as he teased her with his lips teeth and tongue, tasting her everywhere but where she most desperately craved him.

"Please Spike!" She begged him as his tongue danced around, but never touched one of her rosy nipples. Spike chuckled against her soft flesh, the vibrations sending a delightful thrills trait to her sex. Buffy's mewls finally convinced him to give in however as he took the bud between his lips, teasing it with his blunt teeth causing Buffy to moan. Spike propped himself up on one arm, never stopping his ministrations. His other hand began a slow path, palming her other breast, then trailing down across her belly before it slipped under the sheet. Buffy willingly parted her legs to allow Spike passage. She bucked against his hand as he slid one finger into her hot, wet, channel, while his thumb manipulated her clit with perfect technique. 

It wasn't long before Buffy was screaming his name in ecstasy, and it would be several hours and many orgasms later that the pair would be able to pull them out of bed…

"Xander are you quite certain of this?" Giles asked for the tenth time.

"Yes Giles I'm certain!" Xander replied, exasperated. Xander, Giles, Willow, Tara and Anya had gathered in Buffy's living room once Xander had passed on Riley's news. Giles seemed reluctant to believe what he was hearing, until he considered her dalliance with the vampire before her death. He was however in agreement with Xander that Spike must be taking advantage of her confused state since her return – time in a hell dimension must be damaging to anyone. Willow was blaming herself, saying that she should have been there for Buffy more – maybe then she wouldn't have felt the need to turn to Spike for comfort. Xander didn't care what her reasons were – he just wanted it to stop!

"I say we go over there and stake him now!" Xander exclaimed, tired of pussyfooting around. "Whatever he's done to Buffy is sure to wear off once he'd dead…well, more dead…right?"

"It's not that simple Xander." Willow explained "If Buffy thinks she has genuine feelings for Spike then it might be worse for her if we kill him. She might even try to protect him!"

"Willow's right." Commented Giles. "I think the best course of action is…something of an intervention perhaps."

"You mean let her know that we're all here for her and love her and he doesn't need to do this?" Tara asked.

"Yes, that sounds about right." Giles sighed, taking off his glasses to wipe them once more.

"But we've been doing that ever since she came back!" Xander pointed out. "We've all been here for her, she's the one who tried to avoid us."

"Exactly." Replied Giles. "If we get Buffy on her own and…force her to listen to us, it might have more of an effect."

"How exactly do you propose we force a _slayer_ to listen to us Giles?" Anya asked.

"I know a spell." Willow commented. "It's kind of a containment spell. It wouldn't hurt her at all, just keep her in place until she'd heard what we had to say."

Giles nodded. "It sounds reasonable enough."

"But what about spike?" Questioned Anya – ever the voice of reason. "You really think he's going to let Buffy out of his sight so we can get her alone? They've got to know that Riley would have told us what he saw and that we'd try and undo whatever he did!"

"Ooh!" squealed willow "I have an idea!"…

The sun had not been set long when Buffy and Spike made their way towards the slayers house in comfortable silence. Spike had one arm wrapped around Buffy's waist and she rested her head against his shoulder. They fit together perfectly, each comfortable in the embrace of the other. "You know what I'm looking forward to?" Buffy asked, breaking the quiet.

"What's that ducks?" Spike asked.

"Being able to do this whenever we want." She breathed "Just being together without worrying who can see us."

"That would be nice." Spike commented, though his voice was uncertain. "You do know the Scooby's are likely to take this as well as last time don't you?"

"I know." Buffy replied, her own voice calm. "But I thought you didn't care what they thought."

"I don't!" Spike insisted. "But I know they mean a lot to you." He didn't voice his insecurities, but Buffy knew they were there. She pulled away from him slightly, turning towards him and taking his face in her hands, looking him dead in the eye so he would see the honesty of her words.

"You mean more!"…

"They're coming!" Giles announced to the assembled group. "Is everything ready."

"Yep!" Xander replied triumphantly "Dawn's at a friends for the night."

"The spells are all in place." Willow piped up.

Giles lifted the tranquilliser gun they had used on Oz. "I guess this is it then. Now you all know what to do?" there was a collective round of nods and they all headed into the hall to await the slayer and her vampire…

Spike and Buffy shared a kiss on her porch before they entered the house. "Ready?" Spike asked, as they broke apart.

"As I'll ever be!" Buffy replied with a sigh. "Love you."

Spike smiled. "Love you too pet."

With a final chaste kiss on his lips Buffy turned to open her front door…then all hell broke loose…

A/N: hope that was interesting enough for you to want to read more! Please review and let me know what you think – love you all!!!


	29. Ambush

Disclaimer: Let me check…no, I still own nothing!

A/N: Wohoooo!!! I passed the 100 reviews mark! Yay! *Does insane happy dance* Love you all!!! Oh and Kanga – appreciated the input and realised you were right – I do intend to address the issue as soon as I can…hopefully soon since there's not long left! Just wanted to let you know I knew you weren't trying to flame – constructive criticism is helpful! Love you all and your lovely reviews!!!

Chapter 27: Ambush

The second the door was opened Buffy felt herself being pulled into the hall out of Spike's grasp. Buffy wrenched herself out of Xander's reach and turned just in time to see Spike bouncing off the newly reinstated barrier. He was in game face and growling as Giles aimed a tranquilliser gun at his chest while staying well out of the furious vampires reach.

"Buffy!" he roared, "Invite me in!"

"Come in Spike." Buffy replied smugly, thinking she had found a hole in the Scooby's plan. Spike however, was still running up against the barrier. Confused, Buffy looked around, wondering what the hell was going on. Xander was behind her, still trying to get a hold on her, Giles was steadfastly not looking at her but keeping the gun aimed at Spike who was still growling and banging on the invisible barrier keeping him out of the house. Willow and Tara sat on the dining table chanting. Anya was hovering behind Xander looking uncomfortable. Breaking away from Xander Buffy made a run for the door only to come up against a barrier herself – It didn't take her long to realise they were doing some kind of spell to keep her and Spike apart.

Buffy felt the tears beginning to well in her eyes as she held her hand up against the barrier, Spike mirroring her actions from his side. She felt an ache in her heart when the microscopically thin barrier prevented their hands from actually touching. It hurt to be so near him yet unable to feel his cool skin. Why were her friends doing this to her?

"Buffy please don't cry." Spike pleaded, though he was close to crying his own tears of frustration. "I'll think of something!"

"I suggest you leave Spike." Giles announced in his most ripper like tones. "Otherwise we wont hesitate to make you!"

Spike turned to Giles. "I'm not going anywhere you wanker, not without her!" he growled threateningly. "You can't do anything to me now I'm chipless anyway."

Giles didn't bother to respond, he simply fired the gun, sending a dart into Spike's chest. Spike looked down at the dart in surprise – didn't the watcher know that these things didn't work on vamps? At first he looked up at Giles, intending to mock him for his folly…but his vision began to blur and he felt dizzy. As if from a distance he heard Giles's muffled voice telling him it was a special tranquilliser recipe cooked up just for him. Spike tried to fix his attention on Buffy who was crying his name. He wanted to tell her it was ok and not to worry, that he would be fine, but he didn't seem able to form words. He only realised he had fallen to his knees when he felt a jolt through his legs. *I love you Buffy* was his last coherent thought before he succumbed to blackness…

Buffy wondered who was screaming at first, but soon she realised it was her own voice she was hearing. "Please" she sobbed, though she wasn't entirely sure for what she was begging. For Spike to be ok, for her friends to let her go, for the world to open and swallow her, delivering her from this hell. It could have been any or all of them. She was only vaguely aware of someone wrapping his or her arms around her and pulling her up from the floor. When had she fallen down? She didn't look to see where Tara and Anya were taking her, she kept her eyes fixed on the open doorway where Giles and Xander were lifting the unconscious Spike and manhandling him into the backseat of Giles's car. She was sobbing as they bound her hands behind her back, too lost in her pain to try and break free. Why were they doing this to her? Why were they talking her away from the one person who made her life worthwhile?

She didn't take her eyes off the door when Willow closed it, or even when she heard Giles driving away. Xander hadn't come back in so she assumed they had both taken spike somewhere. She only looked at Willow when the girl kneeled in front of her, blocking her line of sight, a kind smile on her face.

"Hey." Willow said softly. "How are you feeling?"

"Like the people who are supposed to be my friends just shot my boyfriend and trapped me in my house." Buffy replied, her voice flat. "How about you?"

Willow fiddled with the hem of her shirt nervously. "I…I'm…I mean we, all of us are just worried about you Buffy." She tried to explain. "You've not been acting like yourself since…you got back and well, we figured if we got you away from Spike we'd be able to break whatever hold he has on you."

"He doesn't have any hold over me." Buffy insisted, "I love him!"

"Buffy…" Willow tried to interrupt but Buffy spoke over her.

"Why couldn't I get out of the house?" She asked, angry at her 'friends' presumptions. "And why didn't it work when I tried to invite Spike in? What did you do to me?" She was screaming by the time she finished and willow was wincing, sure her eardrum was about to burst.

"It's just a little spell." Tara tried to explain calmly, staying well behind Buffy so she didn't have to meet the accusation in her eyes. "We just altered the disinvite spell so you wouldn't be able to invite vampires into the house, and just a tiny barrier spell to keep you in."

"So I'm a prisoner in my own home?" Buffy Spat. "How comforting!"

"No, no. Nothing like that." Willow insisted, "You just need someone inside the house to invite you to go outside is all. As soon as we undo whatever Spike has done you'll be free to go!"

"How many times do I have to tell you?" Buffy screamed "He's done nothing to me! The only one's hurting me here are you!"

"We're only doing this because we care Buffy." Willow soothed. "It's hard for you to see right now, but Spike's using your terrible experiences since you died to manipulate you – you don't even realise he's doing it." Willow was shocked by Buffy's bitter laughter.

"You don't get it do you?" Buffy said through her laughter "You weren't saviours pulling me out of some hell dimension. I was happy!"

"What are you saying?" Anya spoke for the first time, confused.

"I was happy." Buffy repeated, a far away expression forming on her features. "I was in heaven, and you ripped me out of there. I was happy before I died as well you know…with Spike…it's always been Spike." 

Willow was in tears, Tara and Anya not far behind. But Buffy wasn't really talking to them anymore, nor was she talking to Xander and Giles who had just come back and were standing in the doorway, looking around confused. She was talking now for all the weeks, months, years even that she had had to stay quiet. She was talking for herself and for Spike. She was telling them the whole story for the first time.

"You know he was the one who helped me beat Angelus and Dru?" she began. "Dru died that night. None of you knew that did you? No because you never bothered to ask. Losing her destroyed him as much as loosing Angel destroyed me! But we pulled each other through. I could talk to him when I knew all I'd get from my 'friends' was good riddance to dead boy! Yeah he got me drunk a lot too while we were in LA, but that's spike, it's what he does! He talked me into coming back even though he knew he'd be alone again. He hates being alone more than anything else yet he went through it for me, because I was needed here. Of course he came back as soon as I needed him…just in time for Christmas. I should have guessed then really, what he meant to me I mean. We got each other exactly the same present. That ring of mine you like so much Willow, the one I never take off. He gave me that! None of you ever noticed he wears one just like it. I got it for him."

"Why didn't you tell us?" Willow asked through her tears. 

Buffy looked at her, remembering her audience. "And get a response like this one? Yeah! Now why didn't I think of that? Spike and I were friends for years and none of you noticed. He was just dead boy or that annoying vampire. It didn't matter how many times he saved any of you. He was just an evil vampire who didn't deserve acceptance! Even when Glory tortured him, even when you worked beside him all summer the first thing you do when I get back is try and keep me away from the best friend I ever had!"

"He's a vampire Buff!" Xander cried. "An evil, soulless thing! All this friends crap is probably just part of some elaborate plot to bag his third slayer!"

"God Xander!" Buffy groaned. "How stupid can you be? You know how impatient Spike is! Do you really think he'd take five years to put a plan into action? He's had plenty of opportunities to kill me and he hasn't taken a single one. He loves me!"

"He can't love!" Xander insisted, and Buffy rolled her eyes. This was going to be a long night…

As Spike came around his head was throbbing. It took him a few seconds to adjust to his surroundings. When he did he noticed several things:

It's dark.

I'm tied to a chair.

I'm in Giles's apartment.

I wasn't either of these things when I passed out.

I'm not alone.

Spike vamped out to extend his senses, ignoring the pain the more sensitive hearing cause in his already aching head. There was definitely someone in the room with him, and it was someone he recognised. Unfortunately his brain was still too foggy to remember who it was right now.

"Who's there?" He asked at last, frustrated by his inability to see who it was.

"Shhh." Came the whispered reply. "I'm getting you out of here!" 

A/N: Well hope that wasn't too mean of a cliffhanger! Please let me know what you think – remember I love you all!


	30. Escaping

Disclaimer: Sigh…I still own nada!

A/N: Love you all and all your lovely reviews!

Chapter 28: Escaping

Spike's eyes widened as he recognised the voice behind him. "Nibblet? That you?" he asked, surprised. What the hell was she doing here?

"Yes!" She whispered, but he could tell she was exasperated. "Now shut up in case someone hears you."

Spike chuckled. "There's no one else around bit, just you and me." He told her.

"How do you know?" Dawn asked as she worked on the ropes binding Spike's hands behind his back, though she obviously believed him since she was no longer whispering.

"Vampire luv." Spike reminded her. "Can't hear or smell anyone else."

Eventually Dawn managed to untie Spike's hands and he undid the rest of the ropes himself. He really hated being tied up! Once he was free he looked over at Dawn who was sitting opposite him, a self-satisfied smirk on her face – she had definitely been spending too much time around him recently! A large part of Spike was screaming to get back to Buffy, but the small logical part of his brain knew it would do no good since he couldn't get into the house. He knew he'd figure out how to get to Buffy soon, but it looked like he was going to need the help of the smug fifteen year old who was now studying him intently.

"Not that I'm complaining," Spike began "but how did you know to look for me here? Actually how did you know I needed help at all?"

Dawn rolled her eyes. "God you all think I'm so stupid!"

"I didn't say that Dawn." Spike protested. "I just want to know how you knew when I'm still not clear what's going on!"

"I knew there was something going on as soon as Willow told me she'd arranged for me to spend the night at Janice's." She told him proudly. "Buffy always gives me the third degree if I wanna stay out so there was no way she'd just _arrange_ for me to spend the night somewhere else no matter how guilty she was feeling!"

"That still doesn't explain how you knew I was here." Spike pushed, but Dawn was having none of it. She never got the chance to be the one who saved the day so she was making the most of it!

"Jeez, impatient much! I'm getting there!" She huffed. "Anyway, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, I pretended I was going to Janice's but instead I doubled back and listened in from the back door. I saw Giles and Xander bundle you into a car but they were back too quickly to have gone all the way to Xander's, plus he would never invite you in, even tied up so I figured they'd bought you here. I waited till I'd heard everything useful then came here to get you so you can rescue Buffy!" 

Dawn smiled then, extremely proud of herself, and Spike had to admit the girl had done well. He did mentally shake his head at the thought that he had to rescue Buffy from her friends, and there was the tiny problem of the barrier spells around the house. When he explained his concerns to Dawn however, the girl's grin only grew wider.

"No problem!" She announced cheerfully. "They only made it so _Buffy_ can't invite you in. It's my house too, so there's no reason I can't. They don't expect me to be involved after all, I don't think they even know that I knew anything about you two!"

Spike shook his head at Scooby's oversight. They really were oblivious to everything going on around them if they hadn't noticed how close he was to Dawn. Who was the one who looked after her all over the summer? Who was the one she always ran to when she didn't feel like being at home? If anyone were going to know something of course it would be Dawn! Spike did however find one little flaw in her plan. "What about the barrier keeping big sis in the house? S'all well and good me getting in but we need her to be able to get out as well."

Dawn however had an answer for everything. "Not a problem." She insisted. "It needs someone who was inside the house when the spell was cast to invite Buffy outside. I was inside the house, they just didn't know it!"

Spike smiled at the girl in front of him and wondered how they had managed to underestimate her time and time again. He silently swore never to make that mistake again. "Well bit," he announced, climbing to his feet "since you have everything organized lets get going!"…

Buffy felt as is her head was going to explode. She'd tried for hours to explain to her friends that she wasn't being controlled by Spike; that this hadn't been a sudden thing but something they'd been building up to for years, but they wouldn't believe a word of it. Xander wouldn't even believe she had actually been in heaven. She was beginning to believe that Spike had a point when he'd told her that the Scooby's were in denial about things they didn't want to face up to. She found it ironic really. They had quite easily accepted that there were such things as demons and slayers and vampires. They'd done the impossible and brought her back from the dead. But they just couldn't accept that any feelings between her and the vampire who had saved their lives countless times could be anything other than a fabrication. No matter how many details she had told them about their time as friends before they became lovers they wouldn't be swayed.

Eventually she had needed to get away from them all before she beat every last one of them to a bloody pulp. She'd managed to convince willow and Tara to expand the barrier spell so she could go out on the back porch. She had every intention of staying out there and not coming back in until they either let her go or she figured a way out of this mess for herself. One by one they had become tired of trying to convince her that they were right and had decided to leave her be until the next day, assuming that she would come inside in her own time. They had all gone to bed, Xander, Anya and Giles all deciding it would be best for them to stay over, apparently not thinking spike worthy of guarding. Buffy guessed they didn't care if he escaped as long as they had her where they wanted her. Xander had commented that even if Spike did escape he would probably just skip town now that they were on to his little scheme! God they didn't know him at all!

So there she sat, on the back porch, sporadically reaching out to touch the barrier on the off chance that it might have stopped working while Willow and Tara were asleep. Since she had had no luck on her previous attempts she was stunned to find the barrier gone when she reached out to it the millionth time. It took a few seconds for her brain to take advantage of this fact, but fortunately she was aware enough not to start screaming and jumping for joy as she felt like doing in case she woke the sleeping Scooby's. What she did do however was run into the open arms of the blonde vampire now walking across the yard towards her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face in his shoulder, tears of joy springing from her eyes.

"Oh God Spike." She sobbed, "I missed you so much."

"Calm down Buffy. It's only been a few hours!" he said lightly, but Buffy could tell it was a front. He had been as affected by their separation as she had, especially if the kiss she was suddenly pulled into was any indication. As their mouths met and tongues danced, hands touched and stroked, each reassuring the other that they were fine and they were together again. Buffy jumped up, wrapping her legs around his waist and rubbed her hips against him, his growing hardness pressed against her sending excited chills through her body despite the layers of clothes that separated them. The heated growl that came form him only spurring her on more as she ran one hand down his chest to cup his length through his jeans. Spike's hand was just about to sneak its way under the hem of her panties when the pointed coughing from their left caused them to break apart suddenly.

"Hello!" Dawn said in irritation "Minor present! I'd rather wait a few years before my mind got warped thank you very much!" Buffy took a step back from Spike and looked at the floor, her face turning crimson. Spike however simply smirked, having no problems with warping young minds.

"Come on bit!" he chuckled. "You didn't want to see the show you shouldn't have untied me!" He laughed when Dawn rolled her eyes and Buffy smacked him in the chest. Nothing was going to ruin his good mood!

"Well not to be the rain on the parade, " Dawn continued as if Spike hadn't spoken "but what are you two going to do now?"

Buffy and Spike's eyes met, silent understanding passing between them. The Scooby's weren't going to accept them anytime soon. As soon as they realised that Buffy could come and go as she pleased again they would just put the barrier back, they'd probably even try and kill Spike this time and not overlook Dawn. There was no way they could go back to hiding. It had been too painful for both of them to go through again. And just being apart wasn't an option. They had to be together. It was a sad and simple truth, if they wanted to be together they had to leave Sunnydale behind.

A/N: And we're nearly there folks – just the final chapter to go now. Please let me know what you think. Love you all!!!


	31. Half way to anywhere

Disclaimer: I didn't own anything when I began and I own nothing now I'm finished!

A/N: And here we have the final chapter! Will save my effusive thanks for the end but remember I love you all! Oh in case anyone forgot the song is Anywhere by Evanescence. Sorry this is out late but my server was down.

Chapter 29: Half way to anywhere

"Buffy?" Willow called as she wandered down the stairs of the Summers home. "Buffy are you here?"

*That's odd* thought Willow, she was sure she'd heard Buffy come in from the back porch at some time during the night. If she weren't here why would the CD player still be running? Buffy was always saying money was too tight to leave appliances running unnecessarily. With a puzzled frown firmly in place Willow headed into the lounge just as the song coming gently out of the speakers began to repeat. Willow turned the volume up so she could make out the words. This didn't sound like the kind of thing Buffy normally listened to…

_Dear my love, haven't you wanted to be with me  
And dear my love, haven't you longed to be free  
I can't keep pretending that I don't even know you  
And at sweet night, you are my own  
Take my hand_

As the song continued to play its semi-mournful tune, Willow felt warm tears spill down her cheeks. *Oh Goddess No!* she thought as the words seeped into her mind. She wondered how Giles and Xander had missed this on their way out of the house to check on Spike first thing that morning. They must have just assumed that Buffy hadn't come inside. 

  
_We're leaving here tonight  
There's no need to tell anyone  
They'd only hold us down  
So by the morning light  
We'll be half way to anywhere  
Where love is more than just your name_

Willow knew she needn't mumble the few Latin words under her breath as she was doing. She knew there was no one around to hear – Xander and Giles were probably still at Giles's trying to figure out where Spike went, just like she knew without doing the spell exactly what had happened a few hours ago. Yet she couldn't take her eyes off the ghostly figures that wandered hurriedly around the room in front of her now, mere replays of actions that had already taken place…

_I have dreamt of a place for you and I  
No one knows who we are there  
All I want is to give my life only to you  
I've dreamt so long I cannot dream anymore  
Let's run away, I'll take you there_

Hand in hand, Buffy and Spike entered the house, Dawn skipping ahead of them after calling out an invitation for the vampire. Buffy looked around as they made their way to the lounge, taking note of all the changes that had taken place since she had first moved here six years ago. There were more pictures on the walls along with a lot more dents. There was different furniture…and she could no longer smell her mother's perfume when she walked into a room. She couldn't smell it anywhere in the house anymore. Now the house was filled with new scents – Tara, Willow, even a little Spike…but it wasn't the home it had once been. Now it was just a place where she would lay her head, not even that when she had stayed with Spike. She let out a humourless chuckle at that. She felt more at home in a dark musty crypt than she did in her own house! She felt Spike squeeze her hand gently and turned towards him and saw the understanding smile on his face. He always knew what she was thinking.

"Erm, guys?" Dawn asked quietly, interrupting Buffy's reverie. "If we're leaving should we pack some stuff?"

"Only what you can't stand to leave behind." Spike replied equally as quietly. "We haven't got time to pack properly."

"What about my clothes?" Dawn pouted. Didn't he know how important the proper wardrobe was to a girl her age?

Spike shook his head. "You can get new clothes bit. Besides there are sleeping Scooby's all over this house. Do you really think you can get everything without waking them up?"

Dawn conceded his point reluctantly and headed down to the basement to see if any of their clothes were still down there from last time they had done the laundry – probably considering how lazy Buffy was! Once she was out of sight Spike gently pulled Buffy into his arms. "You sure about this luv?" he whispered against her hair. Buffy nodded.

"I don't want to. I mean all my friends are here, all my memories. " She sighed sadly. "But what choice do we have? I'm sick of hiding and pretending I'm something I'm not. I want to be somewhere I'm not the slayer, where no one expects anything of me." She leaned back slightly and looked into his eyes, her own wet with unshed tears. "I'm tired of dreaming about what it would be like to just be with you Spike. I just want to make it real!"

Spike pulled her back against him and placed a gently kiss to the top of her head. "We will baby." She promised her quietly. "We'll make it real."  
  
__

_We're leaving here tonight  
There's no need to tell anyone  
They'd only hold us down  
So by the mornings light  
We'll be half way to anywhere  
Where no one needs a reason_

Spike carefully crept up the stairs, leaving Buffy and Dawn to pack the last of their things – photo's of their mother, clothes from the basement and so on. They were going to collect his meagre possessions from his crypt of their way out of town. Right now though, he was on a mission. With a preternatural stealth he entered Buffy's room and saw the whelp and Demon girl asleep in the bed. He looked at them as they slept, her on one side of the bed, him on the other. It struck him as strange at that moment how distant the couple looked while they were asleep. Whenever he and Buffy had shared a bed, if he awoke they always seemed to be holding on to each other. He wondered if it was just a Spike and Buffy thing or whether that was the way it was really meant to be when you loved someone. He stared at them for at least five minutes, trying to puzzle some kind of answer before he remembered he had come in here with a purpose – A plush pink purpose that was staring at him from the shelf above Buffy's dresser!

_Forget this life   
Come with me  
Don't look back you're safe now  
Unlock your heart  
Drop your guard  
No one's left to stop you  
  
_

"You two ready?" Spike asked as he held the front door open for his two girls. Dawn took one last look around before nodding and heading outside. Buffy however was fiddling with something on the CD player. He had a sudden feeling of déjà vu as he watched her place the CD in the tray but he brushed it aside. "What's that pet?" he asked as he walked behind her and put his arms around his waist.

"Just a message for the Scooby's." She told him, turning the volume right down before setting the machine to repeat the same song. "I just figured I should tell them something y'know?" As Spike listened to the words of the song has had to agree with the slayer. It explained their actions far more eloquently than either of them would have been able to write.

"You still sure Buffy?" Spike asked one last time, wanting her to be certain before they did something she might regret later. The loving kiss he received and Buffy's taking his hand to lead him outside was his answer…

_Forget this life   
Come with me  
Don't look back you're safe now  
Unlock your heart  
Drop your guard  
No one's left to stop you now_

Watching the scene draw to a close Willow let out a choking sob and sank to the floor as the last words tumbled from the speakers. Numbly, she reached out for the phone lying next to the nearest speaker. Placed there as if her need for it had been anticipated, which it probably had been. Willow didn't contemplate the thought too deeply however, there were more important things to do. She had to call Xander and Giles since they weren't back yet. They had to be told. Buffy was gone, and she wasn't coming back.

Half an hour later, Xander, Giles and Willow sat in the living room of the Summers house. Each of them reacting in different ways. Xander's response had been to rage and shout, levelling every crime he could think of at Spike's feet - from corrupting young minds and forcing Dawn into helping him, to actual kidnapping. Willow was once again in tears, blaming herself for not being understanding, for not being a good enough friend and respecting Buffy's choices. Giles however had been unusually quiet and contemplative. 

"Why did she have to leave?" Willow sobbed. "If it meant that much to her I would have tried to understand…I didn't know…" 

"She didn't _leave_!" Xander spat, "That monster forced her!"

"But I saw it Xander!" Willow insisted. "She went with him willingly!"

"No!" Xander yelled, standing up. "Buffy would never…"

"That's enough!" Giles spoke for the first time, quietly but with enough authority for Xander and Willow turn to him in surprise. "Buffy has made her own choices." He continued. "And I think it is fair to say that had we acted differently this wouldn't have happened." 

"So what are you saying?" Xander cried, incredulous "We just let them go? We have to go after them!"

"No." Giles told him firmly. "What we have to do is hope that Buffy finds it in her heart to forgive us and comes back in her own time."

"And what are we supposed to do if she doesn't?" Xander continued.

Willow sighed, not lifting her gaze from the CD in her hands, the words still spinning through her head. "We hope that Spike makes her happy." She whispered sadly, knowing that they had missed their chance to make amends…

_We're leaving here tonight  
There's no need to tell anyone  
They'd only hold us down  
So by the morning light  
We'll be half way to anywhere  
Where love is more than just your name_

"So where are we going then?" Buffy asked from her position resting against Spike as he steered the Desoto along the highway, Dawn sleeping peacefully in the back seat.

"I was thinking we head to LA for a while." He replied. "Just like old times!"

Buffy chuckled as she remembered their first stay in LA. It had been scary then as well – just relying on each other. They had both been so miserable, so tired of living, yet they had pulled through together. They had done it once and they could do it again.

"Then where?" She asked after a moments thought. "I know you're not gonna want to stay in 'Angel's city' too long!"

Now it was Spike's turn to laugh. "Anywhere you want Ducks!" he told her happily. "We're already half way there!"

THE END

A/N: Sob, I've finished! (And yes the last line did have to be that cheesy – I couldn't resist!) What am I going to do now?!?! Well first I'm going to thank everyone who has read and reviewed this story while I've been writing it and all those who might stumble across it in the future. There are too many of you for me to thank individually but please know that I appreciate every singe last one of you – if it weren't for you this never would have been finished and I wouldn't be planning several other stories right now. Please let me know what you thought of the whole thing now its finished. Love you all and thank you again! xxx


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